Nothing can prepare you for this.
I am supposed to want this. I don't.
I have spent a couple or a few months trying to find what normal looks like again. And, now.....I'm all fucked up again.
Writing helps me, so here goes.
When someone hurts you in the most obtrusive way, there is no magic potion to make it go away. Therapy, and time and loved ones take up space in the pain, but the mind doesn't let go of things arbitrarily.
If it isn't anxiety, it's nightmares. If it isn't self doubt, it's humiliation. Days drag on, and all I can do is find a way to make the time go. Go away.
I am so pissed off. What part of justice protects me? Justice is suppose to mean something good. I just want to hide and work on finding my way through. I do not want to relive this, and talk about it for weeks. I don't want to see him. EVER. I just want to move forward. I am now forced to move backwards.
Part of this is inexplicable. No one really knows, (except for my therapist) how many demons surf through my thoughts. And I suppose, if people knew, it wouldn't help. However, trying to justify being batshit crazy is impossible.
The truth. I know I am loved. I have many people that care for me. I move in that direction as often as possible. But, at what point do I become a liability to my circle? It worries me. So I prefer alone.
I lean on prayer, and am starved for hope. I read, and study, and practice, and redirect. I battle logic and emotion minute by minute. The most innocent gesture from a person can turn me upside down...and I FUCKING HATE THAT.
Words become oh so objective. Looking in the mirror. Behaving rationally. I feel like an infant.
I WANT to believe it is going to be ok. I WANT to believe that this is a step forward. I WANT to believe that justice will heal me. I just can't.
I miss my old self. I miss the way my thought processes soothed me. I miss just feeling purposeful and significant. I miss Casi.
The funny thing is, I spent so much time in my life pretending to be happy, and now, I can't even do that.
I want to believe this too shall pass....but what if it doesn't?
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
My Wiener
I was with her when it happened.
He hurt me too.
Maybe ya'll don't understand, but --we have been through hell. And I won't leave her, ever.
I knew something was wrong immediately. It's hard for her to tell, cuz she doesn't have my sixth sense, but her demeanor changed too. I'm sure in retrospect she realizes that.
I was mad and on high alert instantly. My barks drew no concern, as well, that is just what I do. I tried to change my pitch, and still....I was commanded to behave. I got a couple of bites in though.
When things turned bad in a hurry, I pounced. All 8 pounds of me, with all my might! I took a shoe to the guts, and rolled against the wall. And they were gone.
I felt helpless as my yelps fell on deaf ears. I heard cries, and muffled whimpers, but mostly, I felt helpless. I barked and cried. It all happened so fast.
The door opened and I ran to my mom. She was on the floor, crying. The intruder was gone, in an instant. I just sat and licked her tears as she shook.
After a bit, she sorta snapped. No more tears, no more shaking. I felt mildly relieved, but knew it wasn't ok. I followed at her feet as she hurried to make it all ok. It was disturbing. Soon, a false normalcy painted our scene, and I was left to helpless again, not knowing exactly what to do. So I stayed true.
I vowed then and there to not leave her side.
A short while later she disappeared for a few days, and then reappeared, visibly shattered. It.was.hell.
Some time has past since this all plagued our lives. Some people laugh at her cuz she has made me a face book page. Some laugh cuz we are inseparable. Not even her child fully understands what we experienced together.
Love doesn't have to be human to human. Love doesn't have to be animal to animal. I love her, and I won't leave her side.
She is My human.
www.rainn.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
He hurt me too.
Maybe ya'll don't understand, but --we have been through hell. And I won't leave her, ever.
I knew something was wrong immediately. It's hard for her to tell, cuz she doesn't have my sixth sense, but her demeanor changed too. I'm sure in retrospect she realizes that.
I was mad and on high alert instantly. My barks drew no concern, as well, that is just what I do. I tried to change my pitch, and still....I was commanded to behave. I got a couple of bites in though.
When things turned bad in a hurry, I pounced. All 8 pounds of me, with all my might! I took a shoe to the guts, and rolled against the wall. And they were gone.
I felt helpless as my yelps fell on deaf ears. I heard cries, and muffled whimpers, but mostly, I felt helpless. I barked and cried. It all happened so fast.
The door opened and I ran to my mom. She was on the floor, crying. The intruder was gone, in an instant. I just sat and licked her tears as she shook.
After a bit, she sorta snapped. No more tears, no more shaking. I felt mildly relieved, but knew it wasn't ok. I followed at her feet as she hurried to make it all ok. It was disturbing. Soon, a false normalcy painted our scene, and I was left to helpless again, not knowing exactly what to do. So I stayed true.
I vowed then and there to not leave her side.
A short while later she disappeared for a few days, and then reappeared, visibly shattered. It.was.hell.
Some time has past since this all plagued our lives. Some people laugh at her cuz she has made me a face book page. Some laugh cuz we are inseparable. Not even her child fully understands what we experienced together.
Love doesn't have to be human to human. Love doesn't have to be animal to animal. I love her, and I won't leave her side.
She is My human.
www.rainn.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Dearest Young Self:
HI! Nice to meet you finally! I'm 42 and have lived through quite a lot. I honestly don't remember much about you, but I have a lot of things to say to you, and some advice to impart, should you choose to accept it.
First of all...being young is a privilege that you won't understand until you are old and it takes 3 days to get over a "night out with the girls". Don't waste time in your youth worrying about grown up stuff. Play in the mud, run in the rain, and see with your heart! The best you can hope for at your age is to wake up happy and refreshed and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of the day you can.
As you grow, please know that your life is yours. NO ONE Else's. Don't watch too much TV. Don't listen to too many opinions. Don't follow a crowd. ANY crowd.
You will hear many times that life isn't fair, and this is true. Your world was shaken at a young age as your father passed away far too early. WE were left without a father figure. You have no idea how damaging that is in your life until you try to be a grown up. IT will also mess with your self esteem and skew your view of parenting. In your case, sadly, your dad was your only ally, and that in itself will mess with your head the rest of your life. There is help. Get it early, and get it often.
Don't keep things bottled inside. It will make you the life of the party, until your body can't take it anymore, and then you will hide.
Tell people. Tell anyone that will listen how much it hurts, and that your heart needs to be healed. Keep talking, and keep growing. Don't settle for good enough. You only get to do this shit once. Trust me.... Find God.
It is your right to feel safe and be safe. NO ONE gets to take that away from you. No one gets to touch you anywhere you don't want. If they do, tell someone! If that SOMEONE doesn't listen, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone hears you. Again, there will be help. You can change the course of history if you listen to my words.
You get a human body to live in while you are here. Aside from treating it physically like a Queen, make sure you don't forget to take care of your brain as well. It will play tricks on you. The power of thought is a powerful thing. No One will talk about it openly, but it will be prevalent in your life if you let it. If you don't take care of your brain, your physical body will suffer as well. Remember this. Find God.
Your love of people is your greatest asset. Your passion is your Achilles heel. Finding the balance might seemingly drive you mad, but if you start early, you may find it.
Read, learn, and explore! The world is larger than the picture that is painted for you. Global vision will help you in your daily life and your decisions....REFUSE TO TAKE ANYTHING AT FACE VALUE! (EXCEPT $100 BILLS.)
Relationships are so important. Be nice to everyone that crosses your path. This is critical. Imprints you leave on people's lives stay with them. Be cautious and particular about who your let imprint you. People and their motives can scar you. Judgment is NOT yours. Find God. Everyone walks their own path. Good, bad, ugly? Find yours, understand yours, judge no one.
Being strong means knowing yourself fully, and appreciating what you have, not what others have. Strength in your heart and you mind will protect you. Your intelligence and sharp mind can take you a long way. Don't abuse the power.
Family has to be #1. After all the friends, and relationships, and jobs and teams, and acquaintances, family will be there despite your circumstance. I guarantee you, this is true.
Forgive.
Find God.
Love your pets as family. Color outside the lines. Say what you mean, not what people want to hear.
I wish we could have met on some plane in the universe earlier, however, at this time, please take this missive as a loving gesture, and be kind to yourself and the planet.
Life won't be here for very long. Go for it.
All my love, Age 42.
First of all...being young is a privilege that you won't understand until you are old and it takes 3 days to get over a "night out with the girls". Don't waste time in your youth worrying about grown up stuff. Play in the mud, run in the rain, and see with your heart! The best you can hope for at your age is to wake up happy and refreshed and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of the day you can.
As you grow, please know that your life is yours. NO ONE Else's. Don't watch too much TV. Don't listen to too many opinions. Don't follow a crowd. ANY crowd.
You will hear many times that life isn't fair, and this is true. Your world was shaken at a young age as your father passed away far too early. WE were left without a father figure. You have no idea how damaging that is in your life until you try to be a grown up. IT will also mess with your self esteem and skew your view of parenting. In your case, sadly, your dad was your only ally, and that in itself will mess with your head the rest of your life. There is help. Get it early, and get it often.
Don't keep things bottled inside. It will make you the life of the party, until your body can't take it anymore, and then you will hide.
Tell people. Tell anyone that will listen how much it hurts, and that your heart needs to be healed. Keep talking, and keep growing. Don't settle for good enough. You only get to do this shit once. Trust me.... Find God.
It is your right to feel safe and be safe. NO ONE gets to take that away from you. No one gets to touch you anywhere you don't want. If they do, tell someone! If that SOMEONE doesn't listen, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone hears you. Again, there will be help. You can change the course of history if you listen to my words.
You get a human body to live in while you are here. Aside from treating it physically like a Queen, make sure you don't forget to take care of your brain as well. It will play tricks on you. The power of thought is a powerful thing. No One will talk about it openly, but it will be prevalent in your life if you let it. If you don't take care of your brain, your physical body will suffer as well. Remember this. Find God.
Your love of people is your greatest asset. Your passion is your Achilles heel. Finding the balance might seemingly drive you mad, but if you start early, you may find it.
Read, learn, and explore! The world is larger than the picture that is painted for you. Global vision will help you in your daily life and your decisions....REFUSE TO TAKE ANYTHING AT FACE VALUE! (EXCEPT $100 BILLS.)
Relationships are so important. Be nice to everyone that crosses your path. This is critical. Imprints you leave on people's lives stay with them. Be cautious and particular about who your let imprint you. People and their motives can scar you. Judgment is NOT yours. Find God. Everyone walks their own path. Good, bad, ugly? Find yours, understand yours, judge no one.
Being strong means knowing yourself fully, and appreciating what you have, not what others have. Strength in your heart and you mind will protect you. Your intelligence and sharp mind can take you a long way. Don't abuse the power.
Family has to be #1. After all the friends, and relationships, and jobs and teams, and acquaintances, family will be there despite your circumstance. I guarantee you, this is true.
Forgive.
Find God.
Love your pets as family. Color outside the lines. Say what you mean, not what people want to hear.
I wish we could have met on some plane in the universe earlier, however, at this time, please take this missive as a loving gesture, and be kind to yourself and the planet.
Life won't be here for very long. Go for it.
All my love, Age 42.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Do the Huskies have a prayer of winning against the Ducks?
Well, NO.
The last 2 weeks Dawg fans and local media alike have shouted and rooted as the Huskies won one, lost one. What I don't understand is this. Knowing the rich history, and domination that the DAWGS once stood for, why is anyone believing in this team? Aside from being a student and or alumni there, this team isn't as good as you think.
The Arizona bout showed us that this very inexperienced team has a lot to work on. Penalties, stupid mistakes, and lack of maturity made this game personally hard to watch.
Losing to Stanford should be embarrassing. And, on the same weekend that the COUGS won...tsk tsk.
Overall stats will have you putting all your money on the DUCKS next week. Passing game is failing miserably as no one can catch the ball consistently, and while the QB is agile, and putting up big numbers, he is also full of himself. Football is a team sport Mr. Price. Dig a little deeper yo.
Running game is taking shape, but you can't wait until mid season to put up big numbers and expect this writer to wear purple and gold.
While I believe this team has potential, it's also potentially the antithesis of what their shiny helmets stand for.
The Ducks are undefeated, and coming to Husky Stadium. ESPN's College Game Day is also coming to Seattle. Bad news Dawg fans. The Huskies have been on Game Day 3 times before, never securing a win. This time will be no different. (Yikes, superstitious? Wilson was just on the cover of SI?)
(on a side note: I find it ridiculously hilarious that Dawg fans think Game Day is coming because of them?! Ba ha ha....umm......Oregon is #2.)
So get ready for bad news Seattle. The Dawgs do not have what it takes to beat the Ducks this year. Mariota is just too good. The Dawg Pound won't be effective against him. And unlike the Huskies Price, Mariota has targets that consistently catch the ball. Probably follow them to the NFL.
Even Duck fans are worried about coming to Seattle, and I wonder if I'm losing my mind or have I been watching different games than everyone else?
I know one person that I bet agrees with me. Don James! He's probably shaking his head wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. Although, his name forever smeared by getting caught. That was Pac 10 shit. We are now Pac 12. New era.
Good Luck to both teams, but reality says put your money on the Quackers!
The last 2 weeks Dawg fans and local media alike have shouted and rooted as the Huskies won one, lost one. What I don't understand is this. Knowing the rich history, and domination that the DAWGS once stood for, why is anyone believing in this team? Aside from being a student and or alumni there, this team isn't as good as you think.
The Arizona bout showed us that this very inexperienced team has a lot to work on. Penalties, stupid mistakes, and lack of maturity made this game personally hard to watch.
Losing to Stanford should be embarrassing. And, on the same weekend that the COUGS won...tsk tsk.
Overall stats will have you putting all your money on the DUCKS next week. Passing game is failing miserably as no one can catch the ball consistently, and while the QB is agile, and putting up big numbers, he is also full of himself. Football is a team sport Mr. Price. Dig a little deeper yo.
Running game is taking shape, but you can't wait until mid season to put up big numbers and expect this writer to wear purple and gold.
While I believe this team has potential, it's also potentially the antithesis of what their shiny helmets stand for.
The Ducks are undefeated, and coming to Husky Stadium. ESPN's College Game Day is also coming to Seattle. Bad news Dawg fans. The Huskies have been on Game Day 3 times before, never securing a win. This time will be no different. (Yikes, superstitious? Wilson was just on the cover of SI?)
(on a side note: I find it ridiculously hilarious that Dawg fans think Game Day is coming because of them?! Ba ha ha....umm......Oregon is #2.)
So get ready for bad news Seattle. The Dawgs do not have what it takes to beat the Ducks this year. Mariota is just too good. The Dawg Pound won't be effective against him. And unlike the Huskies Price, Mariota has targets that consistently catch the ball. Probably follow them to the NFL.
Even Duck fans are worried about coming to Seattle, and I wonder if I'm losing my mind or have I been watching different games than everyone else?
I know one person that I bet agrees with me. Don James! He's probably shaking his head wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. Although, his name forever smeared by getting caught. That was Pac 10 shit. We are now Pac 12. New era.
Good Luck to both teams, but reality says put your money on the Quackers!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Skipper Maverick
It's time. The following read is a testimonial/list of valid reasons why I should be the next Seattle Mariner's manager:
Since 1977 the M's have had several Managers. The Awesome Lou Pinella of course being the most recognizable and also the most successful. I would never dream of stepping into Lou's shoes, but alas, the M's are a different team now, and the culture has changed around the ball fields since Lou left Seattle. And so has Lou.
The Mariners have had 18 Managers since their inception. Most of them being fired/replaced mid season. Only one so far in the Hall of Fame.(Dick Williams) (I am thinking Lou might end up there too.) Well this my friend is in direct correlation with my defunct love life. I'm not sure if 18 is the accurate number, but I have had more failed relationships than I care to chit chat about, so I fully understand the turn over and what it takes to rally the troops in the face of change. BONUS! I am flexible!
And then there is this. NO ONE WANTS THIS FUCKING JOB. Except me. The Mariners have been deemed a farm club by die hard fans, and it's frustrating for managers to build on constant turnover and talent being traded away late in the season. I have no problem with this, at all. At my age hanging out with hot baseball players and travelling the country sounds pretty inviting. I'm in!
I have a personal connection with the SAFE. I not only have been there many times, but I have also explored every square inch of the facility. In my mind I have had carnal relations in the club house more times than any other woman on the planet. In reality I have had carnal relations in the family restroom twice, and approve the facility. Very clean and lots of room! I love the SAFE.
There are many other associations that the Mariners and myself have.
- M's inception, 1977, I WAS BORN IN THE 70'S!
- The M's have only retired one number -- #42, I AM 42!
- The current venue is SAFECO FIELD, I currently call my pad Maverick's SAFE HOUSE!
- Western Division Titles, 3 (1995,1997,2001), I have many titles, just ask anyone.
- In 2001, The M's won 116 games!, This number may or may not be parallel to the number of times I have had sex, at some point in time.
- Nintendo own the Mariners. I hate video games. (OK, that one doesn't fit.) fuck
- The Mariners are one of 8 teams in MLB that have yet to win a title. I couldn't even secure a 1st place finish in the spelling bee in 7th grade! WE FIT!
So, I also have a hella cool nickname. Who doesn't want to hear, Skipper Maverick headed to the mound to calm her pitcher down and cop a feel?!
Since 2001 (and even during most of that year) the Mariners have gotten little to NO air time on ESPN. Well, if the Mariners obtained a manager with boobs, I can guarantee more air time. Plus, I'm not known for staying silent! Lots of sound bites at the very least!
I also have thought about the philanthropic opportunities. I'm a giver. After every game, press conferences must happen. I can personally guarantee that I will be bleeped and fined more than any other manager in MLB history. In case you didn't know, Player and Manager fines are mostly sent to charitable causes. BOOM. EVERYONE WINS!
And then there is this. I can't do much worse. Last year the M's (while I love them dearly) didn't exactly fair so well, no disrespect to Mr. Wedge. Finishing 25 games out of first isn't going to attract Dusty Baker or Tony La Russa, or Bucky Shoalwalter.
One last plus is that they could pick me up CHEAP. Aside from my own delusional ramblings, I have zero qualifications. They could use the money they save on my salary to bring in more talent.
I just don't see how the Mariners really have another option than to offer me the job. I will patiently await Mr. Armstrong's phone call. I'm sure he has my number. It's written on every bathroom wall on the West Coast.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Problems they need a fixin'
An awful lot of finger pointing going on right now.
We as a society are good at that. I suppose as a species, it's inherit in us to play the blame game. As children we learn it early on. NOT ME!
A flaw in parenting. Making sure personal responsibility is in our repertoire has never been a priority. It's hard for us to do it as adults, how do we teach it? The answer screams in front of us, yet we don't realize it until it's too late. WE MODEL IT.
Can you re-learn personal accountability. Well yes, but it isn't easy.
The government is shut down. Many things we have taken for granted for most of our lives are in danger of disappearing. And the most prevalent action anyone can take is....pointing fingers. SAD.
So I sit and wonder about solutions.
I try to live my life with personal accountability, and invest in society with morality and pride. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. We all do. But the most important thing you can do every day is take notice of your own actions.
I am not happy with the administration, and over time, I haven't never been completely happy with any administration since I've been aware. I tell myself that if I vote, I can bitch. Ha. So many freedoms at my fingertips, and I choose to bitch.
We may be on the brink of revolution. That probably isn't a bad thing. However, fear will fuck this up too.
What do you do everyday to participate in a successful society? Do you ever think about that? Most don't. We are lazy and feel entitled. Just sip our lattes and bitch about the assholes in Washington. Maybe the assholes in Washington are bitching about you?
When you voted, was it an informed vote? Do you research any of the candidates? Do you realize that in a perfect world, who ever you check off on a ballot will be YOUR voice? Perhaps just keep watching TV and listening to people you "think" are in the know. You are being brainwashed to vote the way majorities want. Stop right now and realize that the Majorities...don't give a fuck about you.
How about taxes? Do you pay them? Do you understand fully what the purpose of your taxes are and why it is important to participate in paying them? Well fuck, most people just look forward to a refund and blow it on weed and a new 54" plasma. It's layers a mite deeper than that folks.
Taxes piss people off and breeds even more finger pointing. Personal accountability.
This country was built on old white money, and annihilating anything that stood in our way. WE took things that weren't ours, and wrote a doctrine that justified that. YIKES! What history book am I reading? And some wonder why people feel so self entitled. What the fuck. We are white, and powerful and we do whatever the fuck we want! How's that working out for ya?
As this all unfolds, try to remind yourself you have a hand in your own life. Your choices make a difference. Turn off the TV, and live. You had a hand in fucking all this up, now let's choose to fix it instead of pointing fingers and waiting for someone else to make the boo boo go away.
We as a society are good at that. I suppose as a species, it's inherit in us to play the blame game. As children we learn it early on. NOT ME!
A flaw in parenting. Making sure personal responsibility is in our repertoire has never been a priority. It's hard for us to do it as adults, how do we teach it? The answer screams in front of us, yet we don't realize it until it's too late. WE MODEL IT.
Can you re-learn personal accountability. Well yes, but it isn't easy.
The government is shut down. Many things we have taken for granted for most of our lives are in danger of disappearing. And the most prevalent action anyone can take is....pointing fingers. SAD.
So I sit and wonder about solutions.
I try to live my life with personal accountability, and invest in society with morality and pride. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. We all do. But the most important thing you can do every day is take notice of your own actions.
I am not happy with the administration, and over time, I haven't never been completely happy with any administration since I've been aware. I tell myself that if I vote, I can bitch. Ha. So many freedoms at my fingertips, and I choose to bitch.
We may be on the brink of revolution. That probably isn't a bad thing. However, fear will fuck this up too.
What do you do everyday to participate in a successful society? Do you ever think about that? Most don't. We are lazy and feel entitled. Just sip our lattes and bitch about the assholes in Washington. Maybe the assholes in Washington are bitching about you?
When you voted, was it an informed vote? Do you research any of the candidates? Do you realize that in a perfect world, who ever you check off on a ballot will be YOUR voice? Perhaps just keep watching TV and listening to people you "think" are in the know. You are being brainwashed to vote the way majorities want. Stop right now and realize that the Majorities...don't give a fuck about you.
How about taxes? Do you pay them? Do you understand fully what the purpose of your taxes are and why it is important to participate in paying them? Well fuck, most people just look forward to a refund and blow it on weed and a new 54" plasma. It's layers a mite deeper than that folks.
Taxes piss people off and breeds even more finger pointing. Personal accountability.
This country was built on old white money, and annihilating anything that stood in our way. WE took things that weren't ours, and wrote a doctrine that justified that. YIKES! What history book am I reading? And some wonder why people feel so self entitled. What the fuck. We are white, and powerful and we do whatever the fuck we want! How's that working out for ya?
As this all unfolds, try to remind yourself you have a hand in your own life. Your choices make a difference. Turn off the TV, and live. You had a hand in fucking all this up, now let's choose to fix it instead of pointing fingers and waiting for someone else to make the boo boo go away.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Socially Acceptable?
I find it quite amusing that people complain about what others post or say on Social Networking Sites.
Disclaimer: I support the opposition to teens, vulnerable and the like posting too much information and/or indiscreet photos of themselves, however, this is a parenting issue, and not at all what I am addressing here.
Social Networking is just that. It has replaced meeting for coffee at Denny's and chit chat around the water cooler. So it stands to reason that you will find any and all subjects filling your streams.
I remind you, just like the telly, you have choices.
You get to choose who reads your musings, and what diatribe you can enjoy. If you are unaware how this is possible, you shouldn't be on a social networking site.
It used to be that subjects like politics, religion and money were subjects held close to the sleeve, and not discussed in social forums. At least that is how I was raised. Some things are private, and better off left in the confines of your home.
But even with the biggies off the table, people continue to bitch about the ordinary subjects that people share. "I went to the gym." That now has legions of haters. Why? It's a friggin' social networking site!
I suppose people have to take a good look at themselves and comparatively review their lives against those actions of others. It's unnecessary.
Duck face, recipes, quotations, pictures. It's all allowed. You don't get to tell others what they can and cannot share. Again...you have a choice.
The bottom line of this is quite simple, and perhaps will help you take pause the next time you want to complain about hearing about the ten millionth time I cook clams.
YOU HAVE NO WAY OF MAKING SURE ANYTHING POSTED ONLINE IS TRUE. NONE.
In Conclusion, if people want to say they are happy, republican, agnostic, and or tyrannically insane, it's really none of your business. Chose to reply or don't, but complaining about the way others use social networking sites is a waste of time.
Go play outside.
Disclaimer: I support the opposition to teens, vulnerable and the like posting too much information and/or indiscreet photos of themselves, however, this is a parenting issue, and not at all what I am addressing here.
Social Networking is just that. It has replaced meeting for coffee at Denny's and chit chat around the water cooler. So it stands to reason that you will find any and all subjects filling your streams.
I remind you, just like the telly, you have choices.
You get to choose who reads your musings, and what diatribe you can enjoy. If you are unaware how this is possible, you shouldn't be on a social networking site.
It used to be that subjects like politics, religion and money were subjects held close to the sleeve, and not discussed in social forums. At least that is how I was raised. Some things are private, and better off left in the confines of your home.
But even with the biggies off the table, people continue to bitch about the ordinary subjects that people share. "I went to the gym." That now has legions of haters. Why? It's a friggin' social networking site!
I suppose people have to take a good look at themselves and comparatively review their lives against those actions of others. It's unnecessary.
Duck face, recipes, quotations, pictures. It's all allowed. You don't get to tell others what they can and cannot share. Again...you have a choice.
The bottom line of this is quite simple, and perhaps will help you take pause the next time you want to complain about hearing about the ten millionth time I cook clams.
YOU HAVE NO WAY OF MAKING SURE ANYTHING POSTED ONLINE IS TRUE. NONE.
In Conclusion, if people want to say they are happy, republican, agnostic, and or tyrannically insane, it's really none of your business. Chose to reply or don't, but complaining about the way others use social networking sites is a waste of time.
Go play outside.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Mini Me is a Blessing
The last 12 hours have been a turning point for me. While I'm not ready to reveal all that I have been through, I am ready to leave some of it behind me.
I feel blessed to have Lydia. As many of you know, I have always said that if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have had children. NOT that I don't adore Lydia and everything that she and motherhood have brought, but the hurt that accompanies helplessness is agony. I just didn't think that shit through.
That being said, I think I feel a comfort knowing that the child that I do have, is pretty damned awesome.
Last night she made me smile and laugh until by belly hurt. This morning we had a monumental discussion on the way to school. I realized I had missed those talks. For the last couple of years she was within walking distance of school...and we didn't get to have talks. They are back.
Hours of therapy and doctor appointments, baby steps. One ride to school with a fabulous kid makes a long jump. Yay.
I know everyone loves their children for different reasons. I know people love MY child for different reasons than I do. But by far, I think the very best thing I love about Lydia, is that she is present. Not missing a fucking thing. I wish I could have been that way at her age.
Cannot wait to see what the future holds for her.
I feel blessed to have Lydia. As many of you know, I have always said that if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have had children. NOT that I don't adore Lydia and everything that she and motherhood have brought, but the hurt that accompanies helplessness is agony. I just didn't think that shit through.
That being said, I think I feel a comfort knowing that the child that I do have, is pretty damned awesome.
Last night she made me smile and laugh until by belly hurt. This morning we had a monumental discussion on the way to school. I realized I had missed those talks. For the last couple of years she was within walking distance of school...and we didn't get to have talks. They are back.
Hours of therapy and doctor appointments, baby steps. One ride to school with a fabulous kid makes a long jump. Yay.
I know everyone loves their children for different reasons. I know people love MY child for different reasons than I do. But by far, I think the very best thing I love about Lydia, is that she is present. Not missing a fucking thing. I wish I could have been that way at her age.
Cannot wait to see what the future holds for her.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Undesireables you say?
When you were little did you suck your thumb? Perhaps gnawed on your fingernails like a beaver? Did good old moms have a solution to your problem? Wait? Problem? Did you have a problem or was it just bothering moms? My guess is it bothered your parent a lot more than it did you.
Parents always have solutions for problems they see. Whether reasonable or unreasonable, they make an effort to fix a "wrong". Politicians and people with money think they have to do the same thing.
Is it wrong to suck your thumb?
How about bite your nails?
Whatever the answer, it doesn't matter. Somehow we got past it with or without the folks' help, and grew to be adults only to see other adults doing the same things we were admonished for as children.
As parents it's our "job" to educate our children and care for them the best we can. We tend to make childhood behaviors problems to fix, however, fixing behaviors is only done one way. Education and leadership means everything.
Let's talk about culture for a bit.
Funny word indeed. In the medical world it conjures up visions of grossness of a vial of goo waiting to be tested. Most halfwits think culture is something in Europe. Just saying the word culture is like hocking up a loogie.
Maybe that is why people struggle with it. And, when I say struggle, I mean, ignore it.
Culture walks hand in hand with community. The complexities are immeasurable. Most of us usually only have to worry about our own circle, but when our own circle becomes infected, we tend to panic, and make stupid decisions, based on fear and money. (Fear of what might happen if we don't listen to the people with money.)
If you are a frequent reader of my shit, and you find my words harsh and or "too much" for your tender sensitivities....turn back now. Here we go.
Apparently some people have just figured out that there may be a homeless/drug problem on the harbor. Hey...I'm not perfect, but I call a spade a spade. Are you fucking kidding me? Just now? Geniuses.
One of these people being schooled as far as the doctorate level. Now, I'm no brain surgeon, but I do believe you have to have a marginal amount of brain matter in order to finalize a diploma inked with that of an institution guaranteeing that you might know what the fuck you are talking about. Just sayin.
Another prominent council-woman got to chime in as well. Her remarks were probably political suicide, but that remains to be seen. A gun toting mama in liberal land isn't going to gain a lot of marks in Good old Grays Hawba.
Here is the deal. Grays Harbor, Aberdeen in particular has an immense drug addiction/homeless problem. Many cities can chime in on the same notion, however, per capita, we are stacked. The numbers, and the obviousness, do not lie.
So many levels to address, and I should say that there are a few people that do care. People that understand the complexities of what it actually might take to turn things around. However, Those voice will never be heard. Not really anyway.
The truth is, no one really cared until the "problems" started creeping into their neighborhoods. Now the paper is scrambling for quotes. I'm sure it won't be long and King 5 and or Kiro 7 will be here asking the people with money what their next step might be.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK ALL OF YOU.
In fact, drop to your knees and suck my dick....and then fuck off.
First of all.....all of you bastards have known for some time how the problems were cavalcading and knew exactly what we needed to make amends. Fuck you. You opted for bullshit.
Keep working on tourism and tax breaks for shady ass businesses saying they will come here and then don't. Keep pouring money into tall ships and other bullshit causes that bring NO ONE here...Keep painting houses. Ha! Those houses are empty now. Fuckwads.
First you have to get over yourself and understand what addiction is. Then, you have to come together as a community and make a plan, and move in the same direction, which, as we all know, will never happen with current leadership.
Addiction isn't a word. It's a disease, and needs to be treated as such. Until this community understands this, nothing will change.
Being in the trenches of this culture has made me an expert on the subject. I can tell you, with all confidence, nothing will change until a culture of people change their minds and move together as one in the SAME direction.
I have a lot of ideas. Ideas that perhaps might make a difference. But no one listens to me. I'm not politically correct, nor do I want to be. I'm a realist and a humanist. Actions speak louder than words for me.
I sent a letter to the editor on this subject many years ago, which I will include at the end of this blog. I saw it coming. I knew what it was when it was. So here ya go, you tell me...
Human has a heroin(meth, cocaine, pills) problem. Addiction is daily. Can't just stop doing it, health risks are immeasurable. Options: 1. Keep doing it. 2. get help.
Option 1 is the easy answer. Option 2 is what everyone wants to see happen, but takes NO steps to see it through. Here is the realization.
Unless you have health insurance, there is NO help in Grays Harbor County. You can apply through DSHS to get help through their program, however, asking addicted people to jump through hoops is like asking dogs to use the restroom and remember to flush.
Addicted people often have no support from family or friends. Making it to appointments and following through with bureaucratic bullshit is not on the top of their lists.
So with no help, what are your options? Addicts have a huge fear of getting sick. Sick from coming down from their drug of choice. They fear it so much that they will do anything to get the next fix. I can paint a picture for you here...but the reality is, they fear it more than the justice system. In fact, sometimes, the justice system is what some WANT in order to get help.
This is all very cyclical, and not that complicated. What do desperate people do to get what they need. ANYTHING. Enter crime. duh. You can post all the signs you want Aberdeen, to not "give handouts" to the "undesirables" however, that 2 bucks you might push out the window could have saved a crime from occurring. get it?
Follow along here: THERE IS NO DETOX CENTER IN GRAYS HARBOR COUNTY (unless you are pregnant and female and/ or have insurance.)
So when someone wants/needs help....what are the options? Resources aren't large enough in this county to help all that need it. Period.
We have to change the conversation people. Stop pushing money to organizations that you "think" might be able to help. Make a plan to eradicate the problem, with real life solutions that will make a difference.
BTW, these undesirables that you speak of aren't aliens. They were once your co-workers, your neighbors, your children's friends, or perhaps your friends. They didn't arrive hear from planet nowhere.
NOT UNDESIRABLES. People. Humans. Suffering. Stop marginalizing a culture of people that you don't understand.
Parents always have solutions for problems they see. Whether reasonable or unreasonable, they make an effort to fix a "wrong". Politicians and people with money think they have to do the same thing.
Is it wrong to suck your thumb?
How about bite your nails?
Whatever the answer, it doesn't matter. Somehow we got past it with or without the folks' help, and grew to be adults only to see other adults doing the same things we were admonished for as children.
As parents it's our "job" to educate our children and care for them the best we can. We tend to make childhood behaviors problems to fix, however, fixing behaviors is only done one way. Education and leadership means everything.
Let's talk about culture for a bit.
Funny word indeed. In the medical world it conjures up visions of grossness of a vial of goo waiting to be tested. Most halfwits think culture is something in Europe. Just saying the word culture is like hocking up a loogie.
Maybe that is why people struggle with it. And, when I say struggle, I mean, ignore it.
Culture walks hand in hand with community. The complexities are immeasurable. Most of us usually only have to worry about our own circle, but when our own circle becomes infected, we tend to panic, and make stupid decisions, based on fear and money. (Fear of what might happen if we don't listen to the people with money.)
If you are a frequent reader of my shit, and you find my words harsh and or "too much" for your tender sensitivities....turn back now. Here we go.
Apparently some people have just figured out that there may be a homeless/drug problem on the harbor. Hey...I'm not perfect, but I call a spade a spade. Are you fucking kidding me? Just now? Geniuses.
One of these people being schooled as far as the doctorate level. Now, I'm no brain surgeon, but I do believe you have to have a marginal amount of brain matter in order to finalize a diploma inked with that of an institution guaranteeing that you might know what the fuck you are talking about. Just sayin.
Another prominent council-woman got to chime in as well. Her remarks were probably political suicide, but that remains to be seen. A gun toting mama in liberal land isn't going to gain a lot of marks in Good old Grays Hawba.
Here is the deal. Grays Harbor, Aberdeen in particular has an immense drug addiction/homeless problem. Many cities can chime in on the same notion, however, per capita, we are stacked. The numbers, and the obviousness, do not lie.
So many levels to address, and I should say that there are a few people that do care. People that understand the complexities of what it actually might take to turn things around. However, Those voice will never be heard. Not really anyway.
The truth is, no one really cared until the "problems" started creeping into their neighborhoods. Now the paper is scrambling for quotes. I'm sure it won't be long and King 5 and or Kiro 7 will be here asking the people with money what their next step might be.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK ALL OF YOU.
In fact, drop to your knees and suck my dick....and then fuck off.
First of all.....all of you bastards have known for some time how the problems were cavalcading and knew exactly what we needed to make amends. Fuck you. You opted for bullshit.
Keep working on tourism and tax breaks for shady ass businesses saying they will come here and then don't. Keep pouring money into tall ships and other bullshit causes that bring NO ONE here...Keep painting houses. Ha! Those houses are empty now. Fuckwads.
First you have to get over yourself and understand what addiction is. Then, you have to come together as a community and make a plan, and move in the same direction, which, as we all know, will never happen with current leadership.
Addiction isn't a word. It's a disease, and needs to be treated as such. Until this community understands this, nothing will change.
Being in the trenches of this culture has made me an expert on the subject. I can tell you, with all confidence, nothing will change until a culture of people change their minds and move together as one in the SAME direction.
I have a lot of ideas. Ideas that perhaps might make a difference. But no one listens to me. I'm not politically correct, nor do I want to be. I'm a realist and a humanist. Actions speak louder than words for me.
I sent a letter to the editor on this subject many years ago, which I will include at the end of this blog. I saw it coming. I knew what it was when it was. So here ya go, you tell me...
Human has a heroin(meth, cocaine, pills) problem. Addiction is daily. Can't just stop doing it, health risks are immeasurable. Options: 1. Keep doing it. 2. get help.
Option 1 is the easy answer. Option 2 is what everyone wants to see happen, but takes NO steps to see it through. Here is the realization.
Unless you have health insurance, there is NO help in Grays Harbor County. You can apply through DSHS to get help through their program, however, asking addicted people to jump through hoops is like asking dogs to use the restroom and remember to flush.
Addicted people often have no support from family or friends. Making it to appointments and following through with bureaucratic bullshit is not on the top of their lists.
So with no help, what are your options? Addicts have a huge fear of getting sick. Sick from coming down from their drug of choice. They fear it so much that they will do anything to get the next fix. I can paint a picture for you here...but the reality is, they fear it more than the justice system. In fact, sometimes, the justice system is what some WANT in order to get help.
This is all very cyclical, and not that complicated. What do desperate people do to get what they need. ANYTHING. Enter crime. duh. You can post all the signs you want Aberdeen, to not "give handouts" to the "undesirables" however, that 2 bucks you might push out the window could have saved a crime from occurring. get it?
Follow along here: THERE IS NO DETOX CENTER IN GRAYS HARBOR COUNTY (unless you are pregnant and female and/ or have insurance.)
So when someone wants/needs help....what are the options? Resources aren't large enough in this county to help all that need it. Period.
We have to change the conversation people. Stop pushing money to organizations that you "think" might be able to help. Make a plan to eradicate the problem, with real life solutions that will make a difference.
BTW, these undesirables that you speak of aren't aliens. They were once your co-workers, your neighbors, your children's friends, or perhaps your friends. They didn't arrive hear from planet nowhere.
NOT UNDESIRABLES. People. Humans. Suffering. Stop marginalizing a culture of people that you don't understand.
The following article was written in 2010 and submitted to The Daily World.
My Daily World Article
October 7, 2010 at 8:57pm
Angering the Masses
I’m scared. Scared for the future of this town, this county, this state, this Country. But for this letter, this harbor. Grays Harbor.
Election time. People campaigning, writing letters in support of their candidates, and ignoring the issues that need to be addressed. Soon the newspapers will chime in on who they think will benefit this harbor. It’s all sickening really.
Good intentions in public service have left this harbor in very bleak times. Small town mentality has ruined what is known to many as home. My home. I would like to offer up some alternative thinking in this time of elections, but first, some undeniable facts that no one wants to talk about.
There are no jobs. There aren’t any jobs on the horizon. Families are leaving in droves. Before you disagree that there ARE jobs….I’m talking about family wage jobs. If anyone who disagrees with me can tell me how to raise a family on $8/hr…..I’m listening.
One of the biggest employers on the harbor is Wal Mart. So very sad. I don’t want to hear how you have to shop there….because it isn’t true. I have been unemployed since Sept. of 2006 and haven’t stepped foot inside that building. What is worse than the numbers they employ, is the the numbers that shop there! Yep, keep using self checkout too….eliminates more jobs!
WE as a harbor need to understand it’s time to re-visualize the future of our towns and resources. Fish and Timber are nothing to lean on anymore. I can’t believe I have to say that out loud. Industry either needs to come back, without bureaucratic b.s., or we need to shift gears and find a new way to survive.
WE have resources in this town that we haven’t even begun to utilize. Everyday almost everyone on the harbor drives over the biggest one. It’s called the Chehalis River. For goodness sakes people…..haven’t you not noticed the wetness under the bridge? I hope I don’t need to spell out that this river is full of other resources too. Nope…guess not…it’s probably more important that AHS getting artificial turf! Absurd.
WE have people of every age, race and creed walking the streets of this county with no place to call home. If It helps you sleep at night to donate $5 to the mission, well then I guess that is your choice. It doesn’t even begin to solve the problem. WE should be embarrassed and should expect more from ourselves.
WE have children that need and deserve hope.
WE have teachers that are working without the resources they need.
WE have entrepreneurs that can’t start businesses.
WE have people that want to work.
WE have problems that can’t be ignored any further.
This harbor and the towns on it are surrounded by rich history, natural resources, and very capable people willing to save their community. So why do we remain stagnant?
I know there are Civic Groups and Organizations trying to blaze forward and make a difference. However, much like politics, if you don’t get a consensus on what the future needs and holds, it isn’t going to work. This is a fact. And also much like politics, if you don’t involve everyone, from every economic stance, you may as well mow your grass with the vacuum cleaner.
So what does public service mean this year to the future of your town or your county? Well, everything.
I’m still waiting for the right candidates to step up. That single mother that is trying to make ends meet on a minimal budget. That teacher that has to spend his/her own money to make sure all the kids have crayons or materials for school. That blue collar worker who pays outrageous taxes and sees his paycheck get stretched further every month. That unemployed professional that just plain wants to work. Just work. These are the people that I would vote into office.
As you go to the polls, think about the future of this harbor, and the broken promises of the past.
How come we can pull together every year for Food Ball, and Relay for Life, but we can’t pull together to save our own lives?
Casi LaLonde
Cosmopolis
I’m scared. Scared for the future of this town, this county, this state, this Country. But for this letter, this harbor. Grays Harbor.
Election time. People campaigning, writing letters in support of their candidates, and ignoring the issues that need to be addressed. Soon the newspapers will chime in on who they think will benefit this harbor. It’s all sickening really.
Good intentions in public service have left this harbor in very bleak times. Small town mentality has ruined what is known to many as home. My home. I would like to offer up some alternative thinking in this time of elections, but first, some undeniable facts that no one wants to talk about.
There are no jobs. There aren’t any jobs on the horizon. Families are leaving in droves. Before you disagree that there ARE jobs….I’m talking about family wage jobs. If anyone who disagrees with me can tell me how to raise a family on $8/hr…..I’m listening.
One of the biggest employers on the harbor is Wal Mart. So very sad. I don’t want to hear how you have to shop there….because it isn’t true. I have been unemployed since Sept. of 2006 and haven’t stepped foot inside that building. What is worse than the numbers they employ, is the the numbers that shop there! Yep, keep using self checkout too….eliminates more jobs!
WE as a harbor need to understand it’s time to re-visualize the future of our towns and resources. Fish and Timber are nothing to lean on anymore. I can’t believe I have to say that out loud. Industry either needs to come back, without bureaucratic b.s., or we need to shift gears and find a new way to survive.
WE have resources in this town that we haven’t even begun to utilize. Everyday almost everyone on the harbor drives over the biggest one. It’s called the Chehalis River. For goodness sakes people…..haven’t you not noticed the wetness under the bridge? I hope I don’t need to spell out that this river is full of other resources too. Nope…guess not…it’s probably more important that AHS getting artificial turf! Absurd.
WE have people of every age, race and creed walking the streets of this county with no place to call home. If It helps you sleep at night to donate $5 to the mission, well then I guess that is your choice. It doesn’t even begin to solve the problem. WE should be embarrassed and should expect more from ourselves.
WE have children that need and deserve hope.
WE have teachers that are working without the resources they need.
WE have entrepreneurs that can’t start businesses.
WE have people that want to work.
WE have problems that can’t be ignored any further.
This harbor and the towns on it are surrounded by rich history, natural resources, and very capable people willing to save their community. So why do we remain stagnant?
I know there are Civic Groups and Organizations trying to blaze forward and make a difference. However, much like politics, if you don’t get a consensus on what the future needs and holds, it isn’t going to work. This is a fact. And also much like politics, if you don’t involve everyone, from every economic stance, you may as well mow your grass with the vacuum cleaner.
So what does public service mean this year to the future of your town or your county? Well, everything.
I’m still waiting for the right candidates to step up. That single mother that is trying to make ends meet on a minimal budget. That teacher that has to spend his/her own money to make sure all the kids have crayons or materials for school. That blue collar worker who pays outrageous taxes and sees his paycheck get stretched further every month. That unemployed professional that just plain wants to work. Just work. These are the people that I would vote into office.
As you go to the polls, think about the future of this harbor, and the broken promises of the past.
How come we can pull together every year for Food Ball, and Relay for Life, but we can’t pull together to save our own lives?
Casi LaLonde
Cosmopolis
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Missing you ......
Losing a loved one sucks. It sucks at different levels, depending on the relationship, but none the less, you will feel something.
Aside from my daughter Lydia, the longest relationship of my life was my dog, Gladys. That speaks volumes about my relationship skills! I'd post my number for all you single hotties, but finding out I'm a controlling bitch through the written word is much more satisfying for me.
My ex husband and I adopted her from the shelter as a pup. Through the years, the divorce, the jobs, the boyfriends, the child...there she was. My girl. Gladys.
I remember when she got sick. Spent a lot of money to save her. Money I didn't have at the time, but when you love someone, how can you not?
She had a great last month or so. Saw the canal, and Puget Sound, and all the shit I should have showed her before she got ill. Made me feel like an asshole.
The morning I came home from clam digging, and she couldn't get up, I knew it was the day. Called the vet, got the kid out of school....and off we went.
I felt an obligation to not let her die alone. One of the single biggest regrets of my life. That 5 minutes is etched in the shallows of my brain and reminds me often of how much it hurts to lose someone, and to watch them die.
That brain....filled with all sorts of agonizing crap.
I lost my dad when I was 5. Cancer. Even the last visit in the hospital doesn't stick in my mind. It was the funeral. The smells, the sounds, the tears. Fucked up shit.
Loss is inevitable. I lost a grandfather. An incredible school mate. A pseudo dad. A vibrant client. And what do I get to do? Nothing. Not a god damned thing.
I would love to be able to prevent death of those that mean the most to me. However, then I'd have to being all Jesus-Like....and honestly, the friends I do have can barely stand to be around me now. I don't need a super power.
I just get to remember.
I try to tell myself that loss has helped mold me into a stronger person. But that is bullshit. The truth is, I'm no different that anyone else. WE all get to watch people we love die. Yay for being a human! Good Times.
I can do something though. I can amend my behavior.
I haven't always been the best at keeping in contact with the people that mean the most to me. I guess that's part of my inflated self love. But I can change. I can reach out, even if it's just a phone call, or social media. I can reach out.
And so can you. Today's lesson boys and girls, is one I have had to learn the hard way. Make time for those that mean the most to you. Leaving an imprint on someone is a selfless act. The alternative is being terrorized by demons in your brain,...those demons named appropriately guilt and shame.
Make time.
Aside from my daughter Lydia, the longest relationship of my life was my dog, Gladys. That speaks volumes about my relationship skills! I'd post my number for all you single hotties, but finding out I'm a controlling bitch through the written word is much more satisfying for me.
My ex husband and I adopted her from the shelter as a pup. Through the years, the divorce, the jobs, the boyfriends, the child...there she was. My girl. Gladys.
I remember when she got sick. Spent a lot of money to save her. Money I didn't have at the time, but when you love someone, how can you not?
She had a great last month or so. Saw the canal, and Puget Sound, and all the shit I should have showed her before she got ill. Made me feel like an asshole.
The morning I came home from clam digging, and she couldn't get up, I knew it was the day. Called the vet, got the kid out of school....and off we went.
I felt an obligation to not let her die alone. One of the single biggest regrets of my life. That 5 minutes is etched in the shallows of my brain and reminds me often of how much it hurts to lose someone, and to watch them die.
That brain....filled with all sorts of agonizing crap.
I lost my dad when I was 5. Cancer. Even the last visit in the hospital doesn't stick in my mind. It was the funeral. The smells, the sounds, the tears. Fucked up shit.
Loss is inevitable. I lost a grandfather. An incredible school mate. A pseudo dad. A vibrant client. And what do I get to do? Nothing. Not a god damned thing.
I would love to be able to prevent death of those that mean the most to me. However, then I'd have to being all Jesus-Like....and honestly, the friends I do have can barely stand to be around me now. I don't need a super power.
I just get to remember.
I try to tell myself that loss has helped mold me into a stronger person. But that is bullshit. The truth is, I'm no different that anyone else. WE all get to watch people we love die. Yay for being a human! Good Times.
I can do something though. I can amend my behavior.
I haven't always been the best at keeping in contact with the people that mean the most to me. I guess that's part of my inflated self love. But I can change. I can reach out, even if it's just a phone call, or social media. I can reach out.
And so can you. Today's lesson boys and girls, is one I have had to learn the hard way. Make time for those that mean the most to you. Leaving an imprint on someone is a selfless act. The alternative is being terrorized by demons in your brain,...those demons named appropriately guilt and shame.
Make time.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Believing in something
I guess I perhaps wouldn't ordinarily push through like this, but with time on my hands, and random people pissing me off, this just has to happen.
The past month the word of the day has been re-evaluation. After 42 years....I'm back on the rock. The giant pale rock with no assumptions and or notions of intelligence.
People in general are ignorant. It's not an insult. You have been programmed as such. And that in itself pisses me off.
You all get so caught up in following shit. Shit like politics, and or cliques. It's awful. I want human kind to not be so dumb. Dumb being a relative term, so don't have a hissy fit.
Have you ever wished that you could just follow what your brain wanted? Perhaps break from the mold and be genuine?
Let's just take Obama Care for example. Looks pretty on paper. But have you done your homework? Wild Olympics....can you fucking read? Health care. You are being ass raped and enjoying it.
I guess I have never been an anarchist by nature, or even a protester. I just prefer to follow facts and use my own mind. What if you did too? What are you afraid of? Someone disagreeing with you? Who the fuck cares?
Debate is healthy. Debate breeds intelligence. Learning makes us all better people.
I couldn't be more proud of the fact that I am raising a daughter to question everything. EVERYTHING. Written word, status quo.....politics, television, and even my own thoughts. It makes her strong, and it makes me smile.
Stop. Just stop it. We could learn something from the past. If it feels good, do it. If you feel it, say it. Fuck all y'all.
Switch.
The past month the word of the day has been re-evaluation. After 42 years....I'm back on the rock. The giant pale rock with no assumptions and or notions of intelligence.
People in general are ignorant. It's not an insult. You have been programmed as such. And that in itself pisses me off.
You all get so caught up in following shit. Shit like politics, and or cliques. It's awful. I want human kind to not be so dumb. Dumb being a relative term, so don't have a hissy fit.
Have you ever wished that you could just follow what your brain wanted? Perhaps break from the mold and be genuine?
Let's just take Obama Care for example. Looks pretty on paper. But have you done your homework? Wild Olympics....can you fucking read? Health care. You are being ass raped and enjoying it.
I guess I have never been an anarchist by nature, or even a protester. I just prefer to follow facts and use my own mind. What if you did too? What are you afraid of? Someone disagreeing with you? Who the fuck cares?
Debate is healthy. Debate breeds intelligence. Learning makes us all better people.
I couldn't be more proud of the fact that I am raising a daughter to question everything. EVERYTHING. Written word, status quo.....politics, television, and even my own thoughts. It makes her strong, and it makes me smile.
Stop. Just stop it. We could learn something from the past. If it feels good, do it. If you feel it, say it. Fuck all y'all.
Switch.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
The truth hurts...
As a life long sports fan, I have been to hundreds of games. Maybe thousands if you include non professional fetes.
Most of my experiences have been watching the Mariners. I remember sitting in the King Dome when there were more Toronto fans there than M's fans. Didn't matter which team anyone was supporting though, we drank king beers together and enjoyed the sport we loved.
As the M's transitioned into the Safe....The ante was definitely upped. Everything was more expensive, the venue was breathtaking, however, rules remained the same.
I remember one of the first times I saw the M's take on the Yankees at the safe. I, being a Yankee hater, did my fair share of heckling...and hoped that Paul O'Neill would drop a ball so I could yell even louder. He didn't...but the feelings were there.
Lines were not crossed though. Ever. No beer throwing or misconduct. A game we loved...people united for the cause. The Mariner's organization even went as far to BAN "Yankees suck" t-shirts from the ball park. Class. Always a classy place to take in a game that has brought people together for decades.
I love most sports. Not just baseball. I am a Steelers fan, have been since I was born. I used to love the Celtics, but fell out of love with professional basketball when it became apparent college players clearly tried harder to win. I love college football, Nascar, golf, and even tennis.
Part of the joy of being a sports fan is riding the ups and downs, and engaging in rivalries. Rivalries that hurt no one.
Several years ago I took my brother, a Cowboys fan, to a play off game at CenturyLink Field where the Seahawks were playing the Cowboys. We used the entire day as an adventure. Beers at the brewery before hand, stroll through the venue to take it all in, and souvenirs to take home to commemorate our day.
As it turns out, we regretted ever going to that stadium. Here is why:
Upon arriving at the venue, standing in line to get in, we were verbally assaulted before even inside. My brother, being quite a large man, grabbed me and pulled me close, and told me to stay together and not to talk to anyone. We secured a pact that we JUST watch the game and have fun together. engage with no one. I pouted...I'm a people person. However, it was perfect advice on this day, to keep to ourselves.
It took us almost 45 minutes to get to our seats, as we were pushed, prodded, insulted and chastised at every turn. I had never seen my brother protect me so much. I will tell you, I was scared. I wanted to leave.
Perhaps I should explain that we were wearing our own team colors. I simply had on my Pittsburgh Steelers cap....that is all. My brother also had on his Cowboys cap, and Cowboys jersey. We had no idea that we didn't have the freedom to dress as we pleased at the Seahawks game. WTF?
Once to our seats, we were spit on and pushed, and my brother was very adamant to keep eyes forward and just enjoy the game. And so we did. The game was a close one. Back and forth. Honestly, I didn't really care who won, but my brother did. He would respectfully cheer for his teams' triumphs. This too, was not allowed is Seahawks land. Again I say...WTF?
I took off at one point to get a beverage, and came back with a giant bruise on my right calf the size of a California Grapefruit. Yup...someone just hauled off and kicked me as hard as they could. Good times.
I returned to my seat and my brother was livid that I had wandered off by myself. Keep in mind. We are ADULTS. We were also in a public venue. I shouldn't have been afraid of anything, but I was.
As the game started winding down...things got much worse. I hated being there. I went for help at one point, and the ushers had no control over fans at all. In fact once the ushers stood by on watch, things got worse.
The Seahawks ended up winning in the last moments of the game. My brother grabbed me by my coat, and said, "run!" ....and run we did. We went as fast as we could...trying to avoid being tripped or cursed at or worse. We got out of the stadium with minor injuries, and looked for police.
The crowd was nasty, but we got to a point where we could see our car, and we just had one crosswalk to maneuver and we were home free. NOPE.
At the cross walk my brother was assaulted, right in front of police. As the police took control of the jerks, we ran. WE RAN. Got inside our car....and started to drive away. My brother instructed me to get on the floor as he did everything he could to make it to the freeway in a hurry. He even took off his shirt....and hat. Which was ridiculous. I was on the floor of my own vehicle, leaving a sporting event, scared for my life. Fun.
Once on the freeway, we got off on the first exit and just breathed. WE took note of injuries and made sure we were ok, and vowed never to return to Century Link Field again.
So listen up Seahawk fans.....you are an embarrassment to the sport. Did you know that at the last game police officers were walking around in 49's jerseys trying to stop this kind of bullshit? Did you know that extra security was hired to combat any sort of illegal shenanigans that might entail?
I too thought it might be cool if your 12th man broke a noise record. At what expense though? I happen to agree with the fan that wrote the letter to the editor about unsportsmanlike conduct in Seattle. You have the only team in Seattle with no class. What could have been a triumph for your 12th man and the city, has fizzled to nothing but a congratulations on the Loudest Assholes on the planet. Congrats.
And just an FYI...I guarantee you the Kingdome was louder when Griffey hit one out or when The Big Unit was 0-2 on a batter with 2 outs. Just Sayin'
I am including the letter to the editor at the end of this....to read again.....as food for thought.
It would be simple to fix. Seahawks players and managers would ask their fans to cease and desist, and the NFL would implement a new rule: The visiting team may stop the game when fan noise is greater than a specified decibel level, and should this rule be violated in more than three games, no home games will be played at the offending field for the rest of the season, including playoff games. Things would quiet down.
At a time when the world seems sour, sports give us a place of joy, community and hope, and to have it spoiled is a bigger loss than it seems on the surface.
Judy Spelman, Rich Schiller,
Point Reyes Station
Most of my experiences have been watching the Mariners. I remember sitting in the King Dome when there were more Toronto fans there than M's fans. Didn't matter which team anyone was supporting though, we drank king beers together and enjoyed the sport we loved.
As the M's transitioned into the Safe....The ante was definitely upped. Everything was more expensive, the venue was breathtaking, however, rules remained the same.
I remember one of the first times I saw the M's take on the Yankees at the safe. I, being a Yankee hater, did my fair share of heckling...and hoped that Paul O'Neill would drop a ball so I could yell even louder. He didn't...but the feelings were there.
Lines were not crossed though. Ever. No beer throwing or misconduct. A game we loved...people united for the cause. The Mariner's organization even went as far to BAN "Yankees suck" t-shirts from the ball park. Class. Always a classy place to take in a game that has brought people together for decades.
I love most sports. Not just baseball. I am a Steelers fan, have been since I was born. I used to love the Celtics, but fell out of love with professional basketball when it became apparent college players clearly tried harder to win. I love college football, Nascar, golf, and even tennis.
Part of the joy of being a sports fan is riding the ups and downs, and engaging in rivalries. Rivalries that hurt no one.
Several years ago I took my brother, a Cowboys fan, to a play off game at CenturyLink Field where the Seahawks were playing the Cowboys. We used the entire day as an adventure. Beers at the brewery before hand, stroll through the venue to take it all in, and souvenirs to take home to commemorate our day.
As it turns out, we regretted ever going to that stadium. Here is why:
Upon arriving at the venue, standing in line to get in, we were verbally assaulted before even inside. My brother, being quite a large man, grabbed me and pulled me close, and told me to stay together and not to talk to anyone. We secured a pact that we JUST watch the game and have fun together. engage with no one. I pouted...I'm a people person. However, it was perfect advice on this day, to keep to ourselves.
It took us almost 45 minutes to get to our seats, as we were pushed, prodded, insulted and chastised at every turn. I had never seen my brother protect me so much. I will tell you, I was scared. I wanted to leave.
Perhaps I should explain that we were wearing our own team colors. I simply had on my Pittsburgh Steelers cap....that is all. My brother also had on his Cowboys cap, and Cowboys jersey. We had no idea that we didn't have the freedom to dress as we pleased at the Seahawks game. WTF?
Once to our seats, we were spit on and pushed, and my brother was very adamant to keep eyes forward and just enjoy the game. And so we did. The game was a close one. Back and forth. Honestly, I didn't really care who won, but my brother did. He would respectfully cheer for his teams' triumphs. This too, was not allowed is Seahawks land. Again I say...WTF?
I took off at one point to get a beverage, and came back with a giant bruise on my right calf the size of a California Grapefruit. Yup...someone just hauled off and kicked me as hard as they could. Good times.
I returned to my seat and my brother was livid that I had wandered off by myself. Keep in mind. We are ADULTS. We were also in a public venue. I shouldn't have been afraid of anything, but I was.
As the game started winding down...things got much worse. I hated being there. I went for help at one point, and the ushers had no control over fans at all. In fact once the ushers stood by on watch, things got worse.
The Seahawks ended up winning in the last moments of the game. My brother grabbed me by my coat, and said, "run!" ....and run we did. We went as fast as we could...trying to avoid being tripped or cursed at or worse. We got out of the stadium with minor injuries, and looked for police.
The crowd was nasty, but we got to a point where we could see our car, and we just had one crosswalk to maneuver and we were home free. NOPE.
At the cross walk my brother was assaulted, right in front of police. As the police took control of the jerks, we ran. WE RAN. Got inside our car....and started to drive away. My brother instructed me to get on the floor as he did everything he could to make it to the freeway in a hurry. He even took off his shirt....and hat. Which was ridiculous. I was on the floor of my own vehicle, leaving a sporting event, scared for my life. Fun.
Once on the freeway, we got off on the first exit and just breathed. WE took note of injuries and made sure we were ok, and vowed never to return to Century Link Field again.
So listen up Seahawk fans.....you are an embarrassment to the sport. Did you know that at the last game police officers were walking around in 49's jerseys trying to stop this kind of bullshit? Did you know that extra security was hired to combat any sort of illegal shenanigans that might entail?
I too thought it might be cool if your 12th man broke a noise record. At what expense though? I happen to agree with the fan that wrote the letter to the editor about unsportsmanlike conduct in Seattle. You have the only team in Seattle with no class. What could have been a triumph for your 12th man and the city, has fizzled to nothing but a congratulations on the Loudest Assholes on the planet. Congrats.
And just an FYI...I guarantee you the Kingdome was louder when Griffey hit one out or when The Big Unit was 0-2 on a batter with 2 outs. Just Sayin'
I am including the letter to the editor at the end of this....to read again.....as food for thought.
Unsportsmanlike conduct in Seattle
Was anyone else appalled by the unsportsmanlike conduct of the Seattle Seahawks and their fans, juiced on noise, which surely creates as big an advantage over an opponent as any performance enhancing drug and which, to their shame, NFL officials turn the same blind eye they have to concussions and drugs ("Seattle states case loudly, clearly in rout," Sports, Sept. 16)?It would be simple to fix. Seahawks players and managers would ask their fans to cease and desist, and the NFL would implement a new rule: The visiting team may stop the game when fan noise is greater than a specified decibel level, and should this rule be violated in more than three games, no home games will be played at the offending field for the rest of the season, including playoff games. Things would quiet down.
At a time when the world seems sour, sports give us a place of joy, community and hope, and to have it spoiled is a bigger loss than it seems on the surface.
Judy Spelman, Rich Schiller,
Point Reyes Station
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Go suck an egg.
People amaze/disgust me.
I guess it's probably more my problem than anyone else's. I had a really frank and productive conversation with someone that gets me last night. It was comforting. Having someone re-affirm your thoughts is gold medal shit.
Humans are pretty proud of themselves. Their jobs, their kids, their status. Christ people even go on and on about their degrees and blood type. It's all worthless. It's embarrassing to prance on the earth with most people. Just flaming idiots.
What really matters? What is the secret to life? So many theories, but the correct answer is this: NO One Knows.
This society has gone so far out of it's way to resist individuality, that most people don't even begin to tap into whatever potential they may have. Brains are soft now....
I struggle daily with why people do what they do, why some people act the way they do, and what might be my own, or someone else's next move. It's maddening.
I am however, coming to terms with idiocy, and mediocrity.
Remember, My opinion. Know your role.
At some point, my big fat brain needs a break. And, as a wise man once said to me...let them be. And, I shall.
I am not conceited nor do I think that I am superior to anyone. I just see shit. I can interpret shit that others can't. It's exhausting.
I could cut off my ear, sip poison with my beau, or shiver in the corner and paint trees. I won't do any of that crap. I'm just gonna live.
I guess it's probably more my problem than anyone else's. I had a really frank and productive conversation with someone that gets me last night. It was comforting. Having someone re-affirm your thoughts is gold medal shit.
Humans are pretty proud of themselves. Their jobs, their kids, their status. Christ people even go on and on about their degrees and blood type. It's all worthless. It's embarrassing to prance on the earth with most people. Just flaming idiots.
What really matters? What is the secret to life? So many theories, but the correct answer is this: NO One Knows.
This society has gone so far out of it's way to resist individuality, that most people don't even begin to tap into whatever potential they may have. Brains are soft now....
I struggle daily with why people do what they do, why some people act the way they do, and what might be my own, or someone else's next move. It's maddening.
I am however, coming to terms with idiocy, and mediocrity.
Remember, My opinion. Know your role.
At some point, my big fat brain needs a break. And, as a wise man once said to me...let them be. And, I shall.
I am not conceited nor do I think that I am superior to anyone. I just see shit. I can interpret shit that others can't. It's exhausting.
I could cut off my ear, sip poison with my beau, or shiver in the corner and paint trees. I won't do any of that crap. I'm just gonna live.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Pick and choose....
Just pick your nose. And eat your boogers.
I find it hard to believe that so many people find it repulsive to eat dried mucus. Ridiculous.
From a very early age we are penalized for sticking our fingers in our nose and digging out a dried piece of snot that for one reason or another is bothering us.
Sometimes it itches...sometimes it moves when we breathe and it's irritating. Sometimes, we can just feel it there, and being inquisitive little animals that we are....we go a huntin'. So What.
Most, and when I say most, I mean gallons of mucus draining from your head goes down the back of your throat anyway. You already eat your boogers. At some point in time some debutant decided that if it sets up shop in your nose for a bit, and becomes entangled in your nose hairs, or embeds itself to the side of your nostril, it has suddenly become gross. Why?
Granted, the nose isn't the most attractive feature on our bodies. But it serves its purpose, and has quietly become an beach side motel for vacationing mucus. An now, because these independents, or mucapendents, decided to follow the road less travelled, (forgive me Mr. Frost) they are ostracized, and have become a sign of the unintelligent. The less refined.
Everyone picks their noses. Some say they don't, but they do. It's part of being alive. If you have never had anything in your nose, then kudos to you, but you are also lying.
Kleenex or hankies have become the accepted mode of transportation to evict these demons out of the nasal cavity. Let's face it, they aren't always available. In a pinch, a sleeve works, but equally as frowned upon.
The one finger on the nostril and blow with all your might technique is also in the arsenal of releasing mucus. Similar to the loogie, the snot load can travel mighty quickly using this avenue. Socially unacceptable, but still...it's just mucus.
Boogers are a part of your body. You eat them all day long. Stop giving into peer pressure and political correctness and stop feeling ashamed about picking your nose and eating your boogers!
'snot for everyone....
I find it hard to believe that so many people find it repulsive to eat dried mucus. Ridiculous.
From a very early age we are penalized for sticking our fingers in our nose and digging out a dried piece of snot that for one reason or another is bothering us.
Sometimes it itches...sometimes it moves when we breathe and it's irritating. Sometimes, we can just feel it there, and being inquisitive little animals that we are....we go a huntin'. So What.
Most, and when I say most, I mean gallons of mucus draining from your head goes down the back of your throat anyway. You already eat your boogers. At some point in time some debutant decided that if it sets up shop in your nose for a bit, and becomes entangled in your nose hairs, or embeds itself to the side of your nostril, it has suddenly become gross. Why?
Granted, the nose isn't the most attractive feature on our bodies. But it serves its purpose, and has quietly become an beach side motel for vacationing mucus. An now, because these independents, or mucapendents, decided to follow the road less travelled, (forgive me Mr. Frost) they are ostracized, and have become a sign of the unintelligent. The less refined.
Everyone picks their noses. Some say they don't, but they do. It's part of being alive. If you have never had anything in your nose, then kudos to you, but you are also lying.
Kleenex or hankies have become the accepted mode of transportation to evict these demons out of the nasal cavity. Let's face it, they aren't always available. In a pinch, a sleeve works, but equally as frowned upon.
The one finger on the nostril and blow with all your might technique is also in the arsenal of releasing mucus. Similar to the loogie, the snot load can travel mighty quickly using this avenue. Socially unacceptable, but still...it's just mucus.
Boogers are a part of your body. You eat them all day long. Stop giving into peer pressure and political correctness and stop feeling ashamed about picking your nose and eating your boogers!
'snot for everyone....
It's true.
Why Seattle Seahawk fans are like Modern day Harley riders.
As a fan of a real team, it’s amusing and sad at the same
time to watch the uprising. I can’t help
but compare this army of bird fans to the modern day Harley Rider.
Football, circa 1967…large men, heart of a lion, a few
teeth, loyalty that makes the redcoats seems like traitors. Sitting in below zero weather wearing nothing
but the colors of the chosen one on a bare chest. Tailgating for days waiting for a glimpse of
#17 to stroll onto the field and lead the battle. The kind of memories that make a person even
to this day, smile, and cringe, and feel something.
Part of America, both of them, rich with tradition. And a definition that was
not opposed.
Welcome to 2000 and stupid. Doesn’t matter what the exact year is. These raging
asshats have been coming into their own for years. Because Seattle has millionaires oozing out
of every crack in a coffee cup, the Seahawks have been able to build a world
class stadium. (fuck that…All Hail the Kingdome!), buy some high priced talent,
and re invent their jerseys about 40 times.
Internet big wigs have marketed this team…and it worked. But, honestly, is there room in the world for
real football fans, and Seahawks fans? I’m
not even sure if they know what they are cheering for.
NO ghosts of legends gone by are wafting in the
wind to help bring the team to victory, unless of course you count Bosworth,
who is still eating one hundred dollar bills for breakfast and laughing his ass
off at Seattle Management.
Doesn’t work that way folks.
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