I was with her when it happened.
He hurt me too.
Maybe ya'll don't understand, but --we have been through hell. And I won't leave her, ever.
I knew something was wrong immediately. It's hard for her to tell, cuz she doesn't have my sixth sense, but her demeanor changed too. I'm sure in retrospect she realizes that.
I was mad and on high alert instantly. My barks drew no concern, as well, that is just what I do. I tried to change my pitch, and still....I was commanded to behave. I got a couple of bites in though.
When things turned bad in a hurry, I pounced. All 8 pounds of me, with all my might! I took a shoe to the guts, and rolled against the wall. And they were gone.
I felt helpless as my yelps fell on deaf ears. I heard cries, and muffled whimpers, but mostly, I felt helpless. I barked and cried. It all happened so fast.
The door opened and I ran to my mom. She was on the floor, crying. The intruder was gone, in an instant. I just sat and licked her tears as she shook.
After a bit, she sorta snapped. No more tears, no more shaking. I felt mildly relieved, but knew it wasn't ok. I followed at her feet as she hurried to make it all ok. It was disturbing. Soon, a false normalcy painted our scene, and I was left to helpless again, not knowing exactly what to do. So I stayed true.
I vowed then and there to not leave her side.
A short while later she disappeared for a few days, and then reappeared, visibly shattered. It.was.hell.
Some time has past since this all plagued our lives. Some people laugh at her cuz she has made me a face book page. Some laugh cuz we are inseparable. Not even her child fully understands what we experienced together.
Love doesn't have to be human to human. Love doesn't have to be animal to animal. I love her, and I won't leave her side.
She is My human.
www.rainn.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Dearest Young Self:
HI! Nice to meet you finally! I'm 42 and have lived through quite a lot. I honestly don't remember much about you, but I have a lot of things to say to you, and some advice to impart, should you choose to accept it.
First of all...being young is a privilege that you won't understand until you are old and it takes 3 days to get over a "night out with the girls". Don't waste time in your youth worrying about grown up stuff. Play in the mud, run in the rain, and see with your heart! The best you can hope for at your age is to wake up happy and refreshed and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of the day you can.
As you grow, please know that your life is yours. NO ONE Else's. Don't watch too much TV. Don't listen to too many opinions. Don't follow a crowd. ANY crowd.
You will hear many times that life isn't fair, and this is true. Your world was shaken at a young age as your father passed away far too early. WE were left without a father figure. You have no idea how damaging that is in your life until you try to be a grown up. IT will also mess with your self esteem and skew your view of parenting. In your case, sadly, your dad was your only ally, and that in itself will mess with your head the rest of your life. There is help. Get it early, and get it often.
Don't keep things bottled inside. It will make you the life of the party, until your body can't take it anymore, and then you will hide.
Tell people. Tell anyone that will listen how much it hurts, and that your heart needs to be healed. Keep talking, and keep growing. Don't settle for good enough. You only get to do this shit once. Trust me.... Find God.
It is your right to feel safe and be safe. NO ONE gets to take that away from you. No one gets to touch you anywhere you don't want. If they do, tell someone! If that SOMEONE doesn't listen, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone hears you. Again, there will be help. You can change the course of history if you listen to my words.
You get a human body to live in while you are here. Aside from treating it physically like a Queen, make sure you don't forget to take care of your brain as well. It will play tricks on you. The power of thought is a powerful thing. No One will talk about it openly, but it will be prevalent in your life if you let it. If you don't take care of your brain, your physical body will suffer as well. Remember this. Find God.
Your love of people is your greatest asset. Your passion is your Achilles heel. Finding the balance might seemingly drive you mad, but if you start early, you may find it.
Read, learn, and explore! The world is larger than the picture that is painted for you. Global vision will help you in your daily life and your decisions....REFUSE TO TAKE ANYTHING AT FACE VALUE! (EXCEPT $100 BILLS.)
Relationships are so important. Be nice to everyone that crosses your path. This is critical. Imprints you leave on people's lives stay with them. Be cautious and particular about who your let imprint you. People and their motives can scar you. Judgment is NOT yours. Find God. Everyone walks their own path. Good, bad, ugly? Find yours, understand yours, judge no one.
Being strong means knowing yourself fully, and appreciating what you have, not what others have. Strength in your heart and you mind will protect you. Your intelligence and sharp mind can take you a long way. Don't abuse the power.
Family has to be #1. After all the friends, and relationships, and jobs and teams, and acquaintances, family will be there despite your circumstance. I guarantee you, this is true.
Forgive.
Find God.
Love your pets as family. Color outside the lines. Say what you mean, not what people want to hear.
I wish we could have met on some plane in the universe earlier, however, at this time, please take this missive as a loving gesture, and be kind to yourself and the planet.
Life won't be here for very long. Go for it.
All my love, Age 42.
First of all...being young is a privilege that you won't understand until you are old and it takes 3 days to get over a "night out with the girls". Don't waste time in your youth worrying about grown up stuff. Play in the mud, run in the rain, and see with your heart! The best you can hope for at your age is to wake up happy and refreshed and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of the day you can.
As you grow, please know that your life is yours. NO ONE Else's. Don't watch too much TV. Don't listen to too many opinions. Don't follow a crowd. ANY crowd.
You will hear many times that life isn't fair, and this is true. Your world was shaken at a young age as your father passed away far too early. WE were left without a father figure. You have no idea how damaging that is in your life until you try to be a grown up. IT will also mess with your self esteem and skew your view of parenting. In your case, sadly, your dad was your only ally, and that in itself will mess with your head the rest of your life. There is help. Get it early, and get it often.
Don't keep things bottled inside. It will make you the life of the party, until your body can't take it anymore, and then you will hide.
Tell people. Tell anyone that will listen how much it hurts, and that your heart needs to be healed. Keep talking, and keep growing. Don't settle for good enough. You only get to do this shit once. Trust me.... Find God.
It is your right to feel safe and be safe. NO ONE gets to take that away from you. No one gets to touch you anywhere you don't want. If they do, tell someone! If that SOMEONE doesn't listen, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone hears you. Again, there will be help. You can change the course of history if you listen to my words.
You get a human body to live in while you are here. Aside from treating it physically like a Queen, make sure you don't forget to take care of your brain as well. It will play tricks on you. The power of thought is a powerful thing. No One will talk about it openly, but it will be prevalent in your life if you let it. If you don't take care of your brain, your physical body will suffer as well. Remember this. Find God.
Your love of people is your greatest asset. Your passion is your Achilles heel. Finding the balance might seemingly drive you mad, but if you start early, you may find it.
Read, learn, and explore! The world is larger than the picture that is painted for you. Global vision will help you in your daily life and your decisions....REFUSE TO TAKE ANYTHING AT FACE VALUE! (EXCEPT $100 BILLS.)
Relationships are so important. Be nice to everyone that crosses your path. This is critical. Imprints you leave on people's lives stay with them. Be cautious and particular about who your let imprint you. People and their motives can scar you. Judgment is NOT yours. Find God. Everyone walks their own path. Good, bad, ugly? Find yours, understand yours, judge no one.
Being strong means knowing yourself fully, and appreciating what you have, not what others have. Strength in your heart and you mind will protect you. Your intelligence and sharp mind can take you a long way. Don't abuse the power.
Family has to be #1. After all the friends, and relationships, and jobs and teams, and acquaintances, family will be there despite your circumstance. I guarantee you, this is true.
Forgive.
Find God.
Love your pets as family. Color outside the lines. Say what you mean, not what people want to hear.
I wish we could have met on some plane in the universe earlier, however, at this time, please take this missive as a loving gesture, and be kind to yourself and the planet.
Life won't be here for very long. Go for it.
All my love, Age 42.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Do the Huskies have a prayer of winning against the Ducks?
Well, NO.
The last 2 weeks Dawg fans and local media alike have shouted and rooted as the Huskies won one, lost one. What I don't understand is this. Knowing the rich history, and domination that the DAWGS once stood for, why is anyone believing in this team? Aside from being a student and or alumni there, this team isn't as good as you think.
The Arizona bout showed us that this very inexperienced team has a lot to work on. Penalties, stupid mistakes, and lack of maturity made this game personally hard to watch.
Losing to Stanford should be embarrassing. And, on the same weekend that the COUGS won...tsk tsk.
Overall stats will have you putting all your money on the DUCKS next week. Passing game is failing miserably as no one can catch the ball consistently, and while the QB is agile, and putting up big numbers, he is also full of himself. Football is a team sport Mr. Price. Dig a little deeper yo.
Running game is taking shape, but you can't wait until mid season to put up big numbers and expect this writer to wear purple and gold.
While I believe this team has potential, it's also potentially the antithesis of what their shiny helmets stand for.
The Ducks are undefeated, and coming to Husky Stadium. ESPN's College Game Day is also coming to Seattle. Bad news Dawg fans. The Huskies have been on Game Day 3 times before, never securing a win. This time will be no different. (Yikes, superstitious? Wilson was just on the cover of SI?)
(on a side note: I find it ridiculously hilarious that Dawg fans think Game Day is coming because of them?! Ba ha ha....umm......Oregon is #2.)
So get ready for bad news Seattle. The Dawgs do not have what it takes to beat the Ducks this year. Mariota is just too good. The Dawg Pound won't be effective against him. And unlike the Huskies Price, Mariota has targets that consistently catch the ball. Probably follow them to the NFL.
Even Duck fans are worried about coming to Seattle, and I wonder if I'm losing my mind or have I been watching different games than everyone else?
I know one person that I bet agrees with me. Don James! He's probably shaking his head wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. Although, his name forever smeared by getting caught. That was Pac 10 shit. We are now Pac 12. New era.
Good Luck to both teams, but reality says put your money on the Quackers!
The last 2 weeks Dawg fans and local media alike have shouted and rooted as the Huskies won one, lost one. What I don't understand is this. Knowing the rich history, and domination that the DAWGS once stood for, why is anyone believing in this team? Aside from being a student and or alumni there, this team isn't as good as you think.
The Arizona bout showed us that this very inexperienced team has a lot to work on. Penalties, stupid mistakes, and lack of maturity made this game personally hard to watch.
Losing to Stanford should be embarrassing. And, on the same weekend that the COUGS won...tsk tsk.
Overall stats will have you putting all your money on the DUCKS next week. Passing game is failing miserably as no one can catch the ball consistently, and while the QB is agile, and putting up big numbers, he is also full of himself. Football is a team sport Mr. Price. Dig a little deeper yo.
Running game is taking shape, but you can't wait until mid season to put up big numbers and expect this writer to wear purple and gold.
While I believe this team has potential, it's also potentially the antithesis of what their shiny helmets stand for.
The Ducks are undefeated, and coming to Husky Stadium. ESPN's College Game Day is also coming to Seattle. Bad news Dawg fans. The Huskies have been on Game Day 3 times before, never securing a win. This time will be no different. (Yikes, superstitious? Wilson was just on the cover of SI?)
(on a side note: I find it ridiculously hilarious that Dawg fans think Game Day is coming because of them?! Ba ha ha....umm......Oregon is #2.)
So get ready for bad news Seattle. The Dawgs do not have what it takes to beat the Ducks this year. Mariota is just too good. The Dawg Pound won't be effective against him. And unlike the Huskies Price, Mariota has targets that consistently catch the ball. Probably follow them to the NFL.
Even Duck fans are worried about coming to Seattle, and I wonder if I'm losing my mind or have I been watching different games than everyone else?
I know one person that I bet agrees with me. Don James! He's probably shaking his head wondering what all the hullabaloo is about. Although, his name forever smeared by getting caught. That was Pac 10 shit. We are now Pac 12. New era.
Good Luck to both teams, but reality says put your money on the Quackers!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Skipper Maverick
It's time. The following read is a testimonial/list of valid reasons why I should be the next Seattle Mariner's manager:
Since 1977 the M's have had several Managers. The Awesome Lou Pinella of course being the most recognizable and also the most successful. I would never dream of stepping into Lou's shoes, but alas, the M's are a different team now, and the culture has changed around the ball fields since Lou left Seattle. And so has Lou.
The Mariners have had 18 Managers since their inception. Most of them being fired/replaced mid season. Only one so far in the Hall of Fame.(Dick Williams) (I am thinking Lou might end up there too.) Well this my friend is in direct correlation with my defunct love life. I'm not sure if 18 is the accurate number, but I have had more failed relationships than I care to chit chat about, so I fully understand the turn over and what it takes to rally the troops in the face of change. BONUS! I am flexible!
And then there is this. NO ONE WANTS THIS FUCKING JOB. Except me. The Mariners have been deemed a farm club by die hard fans, and it's frustrating for managers to build on constant turnover and talent being traded away late in the season. I have no problem with this, at all. At my age hanging out with hot baseball players and travelling the country sounds pretty inviting. I'm in!
I have a personal connection with the SAFE. I not only have been there many times, but I have also explored every square inch of the facility. In my mind I have had carnal relations in the club house more times than any other woman on the planet. In reality I have had carnal relations in the family restroom twice, and approve the facility. Very clean and lots of room! I love the SAFE.
There are many other associations that the Mariners and myself have.
- M's inception, 1977, I WAS BORN IN THE 70'S!
- The M's have only retired one number -- #42, I AM 42!
- The current venue is SAFECO FIELD, I currently call my pad Maverick's SAFE HOUSE!
- Western Division Titles, 3 (1995,1997,2001), I have many titles, just ask anyone.
- In 2001, The M's won 116 games!, This number may or may not be parallel to the number of times I have had sex, at some point in time.
- Nintendo own the Mariners. I hate video games. (OK, that one doesn't fit.) fuck
- The Mariners are one of 8 teams in MLB that have yet to win a title. I couldn't even secure a 1st place finish in the spelling bee in 7th grade! WE FIT!
So, I also have a hella cool nickname. Who doesn't want to hear, Skipper Maverick headed to the mound to calm her pitcher down and cop a feel?!
Since 2001 (and even during most of that year) the Mariners have gotten little to NO air time on ESPN. Well, if the Mariners obtained a manager with boobs, I can guarantee more air time. Plus, I'm not known for staying silent! Lots of sound bites at the very least!
I also have thought about the philanthropic opportunities. I'm a giver. After every game, press conferences must happen. I can personally guarantee that I will be bleeped and fined more than any other manager in MLB history. In case you didn't know, Player and Manager fines are mostly sent to charitable causes. BOOM. EVERYONE WINS!
And then there is this. I can't do much worse. Last year the M's (while I love them dearly) didn't exactly fair so well, no disrespect to Mr. Wedge. Finishing 25 games out of first isn't going to attract Dusty Baker or Tony La Russa, or Bucky Shoalwalter.
One last plus is that they could pick me up CHEAP. Aside from my own delusional ramblings, I have zero qualifications. They could use the money they save on my salary to bring in more talent.
I just don't see how the Mariners really have another option than to offer me the job. I will patiently await Mr. Armstrong's phone call. I'm sure he has my number. It's written on every bathroom wall on the West Coast.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Problems they need a fixin'
An awful lot of finger pointing going on right now.
We as a society are good at that. I suppose as a species, it's inherit in us to play the blame game. As children we learn it early on. NOT ME!
A flaw in parenting. Making sure personal responsibility is in our repertoire has never been a priority. It's hard for us to do it as adults, how do we teach it? The answer screams in front of us, yet we don't realize it until it's too late. WE MODEL IT.
Can you re-learn personal accountability. Well yes, but it isn't easy.
The government is shut down. Many things we have taken for granted for most of our lives are in danger of disappearing. And the most prevalent action anyone can take is....pointing fingers. SAD.
So I sit and wonder about solutions.
I try to live my life with personal accountability, and invest in society with morality and pride. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. We all do. But the most important thing you can do every day is take notice of your own actions.
I am not happy with the administration, and over time, I haven't never been completely happy with any administration since I've been aware. I tell myself that if I vote, I can bitch. Ha. So many freedoms at my fingertips, and I choose to bitch.
We may be on the brink of revolution. That probably isn't a bad thing. However, fear will fuck this up too.
What do you do everyday to participate in a successful society? Do you ever think about that? Most don't. We are lazy and feel entitled. Just sip our lattes and bitch about the assholes in Washington. Maybe the assholes in Washington are bitching about you?
When you voted, was it an informed vote? Do you research any of the candidates? Do you realize that in a perfect world, who ever you check off on a ballot will be YOUR voice? Perhaps just keep watching TV and listening to people you "think" are in the know. You are being brainwashed to vote the way majorities want. Stop right now and realize that the Majorities...don't give a fuck about you.
How about taxes? Do you pay them? Do you understand fully what the purpose of your taxes are and why it is important to participate in paying them? Well fuck, most people just look forward to a refund and blow it on weed and a new 54" plasma. It's layers a mite deeper than that folks.
Taxes piss people off and breeds even more finger pointing. Personal accountability.
This country was built on old white money, and annihilating anything that stood in our way. WE took things that weren't ours, and wrote a doctrine that justified that. YIKES! What history book am I reading? And some wonder why people feel so self entitled. What the fuck. We are white, and powerful and we do whatever the fuck we want! How's that working out for ya?
As this all unfolds, try to remind yourself you have a hand in your own life. Your choices make a difference. Turn off the TV, and live. You had a hand in fucking all this up, now let's choose to fix it instead of pointing fingers and waiting for someone else to make the boo boo go away.
We as a society are good at that. I suppose as a species, it's inherit in us to play the blame game. As children we learn it early on. NOT ME!
A flaw in parenting. Making sure personal responsibility is in our repertoire has never been a priority. It's hard for us to do it as adults, how do we teach it? The answer screams in front of us, yet we don't realize it until it's too late. WE MODEL IT.
Can you re-learn personal accountability. Well yes, but it isn't easy.
The government is shut down. Many things we have taken for granted for most of our lives are in danger of disappearing. And the most prevalent action anyone can take is....pointing fingers. SAD.
So I sit and wonder about solutions.
I try to live my life with personal accountability, and invest in society with morality and pride. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. We all do. But the most important thing you can do every day is take notice of your own actions.
I am not happy with the administration, and over time, I haven't never been completely happy with any administration since I've been aware. I tell myself that if I vote, I can bitch. Ha. So many freedoms at my fingertips, and I choose to bitch.
We may be on the brink of revolution. That probably isn't a bad thing. However, fear will fuck this up too.
What do you do everyday to participate in a successful society? Do you ever think about that? Most don't. We are lazy and feel entitled. Just sip our lattes and bitch about the assholes in Washington. Maybe the assholes in Washington are bitching about you?
When you voted, was it an informed vote? Do you research any of the candidates? Do you realize that in a perfect world, who ever you check off on a ballot will be YOUR voice? Perhaps just keep watching TV and listening to people you "think" are in the know. You are being brainwashed to vote the way majorities want. Stop right now and realize that the Majorities...don't give a fuck about you.
How about taxes? Do you pay them? Do you understand fully what the purpose of your taxes are and why it is important to participate in paying them? Well fuck, most people just look forward to a refund and blow it on weed and a new 54" plasma. It's layers a mite deeper than that folks.
Taxes piss people off and breeds even more finger pointing. Personal accountability.
This country was built on old white money, and annihilating anything that stood in our way. WE took things that weren't ours, and wrote a doctrine that justified that. YIKES! What history book am I reading? And some wonder why people feel so self entitled. What the fuck. We are white, and powerful and we do whatever the fuck we want! How's that working out for ya?
As this all unfolds, try to remind yourself you have a hand in your own life. Your choices make a difference. Turn off the TV, and live. You had a hand in fucking all this up, now let's choose to fix it instead of pointing fingers and waiting for someone else to make the boo boo go away.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Socially Acceptable?
I find it quite amusing that people complain about what others post or say on Social Networking Sites.
Disclaimer: I support the opposition to teens, vulnerable and the like posting too much information and/or indiscreet photos of themselves, however, this is a parenting issue, and not at all what I am addressing here.
Social Networking is just that. It has replaced meeting for coffee at Denny's and chit chat around the water cooler. So it stands to reason that you will find any and all subjects filling your streams.
I remind you, just like the telly, you have choices.
You get to choose who reads your musings, and what diatribe you can enjoy. If you are unaware how this is possible, you shouldn't be on a social networking site.
It used to be that subjects like politics, religion and money were subjects held close to the sleeve, and not discussed in social forums. At least that is how I was raised. Some things are private, and better off left in the confines of your home.
But even with the biggies off the table, people continue to bitch about the ordinary subjects that people share. "I went to the gym." That now has legions of haters. Why? It's a friggin' social networking site!
I suppose people have to take a good look at themselves and comparatively review their lives against those actions of others. It's unnecessary.
Duck face, recipes, quotations, pictures. It's all allowed. You don't get to tell others what they can and cannot share. Again...you have a choice.
The bottom line of this is quite simple, and perhaps will help you take pause the next time you want to complain about hearing about the ten millionth time I cook clams.
YOU HAVE NO WAY OF MAKING SURE ANYTHING POSTED ONLINE IS TRUE. NONE.
In Conclusion, if people want to say they are happy, republican, agnostic, and or tyrannically insane, it's really none of your business. Chose to reply or don't, but complaining about the way others use social networking sites is a waste of time.
Go play outside.
Disclaimer: I support the opposition to teens, vulnerable and the like posting too much information and/or indiscreet photos of themselves, however, this is a parenting issue, and not at all what I am addressing here.
Social Networking is just that. It has replaced meeting for coffee at Denny's and chit chat around the water cooler. So it stands to reason that you will find any and all subjects filling your streams.
I remind you, just like the telly, you have choices.
You get to choose who reads your musings, and what diatribe you can enjoy. If you are unaware how this is possible, you shouldn't be on a social networking site.
It used to be that subjects like politics, religion and money were subjects held close to the sleeve, and not discussed in social forums. At least that is how I was raised. Some things are private, and better off left in the confines of your home.
But even with the biggies off the table, people continue to bitch about the ordinary subjects that people share. "I went to the gym." That now has legions of haters. Why? It's a friggin' social networking site!
I suppose people have to take a good look at themselves and comparatively review their lives against those actions of others. It's unnecessary.
Duck face, recipes, quotations, pictures. It's all allowed. You don't get to tell others what they can and cannot share. Again...you have a choice.
The bottom line of this is quite simple, and perhaps will help you take pause the next time you want to complain about hearing about the ten millionth time I cook clams.
YOU HAVE NO WAY OF MAKING SURE ANYTHING POSTED ONLINE IS TRUE. NONE.
In Conclusion, if people want to say they are happy, republican, agnostic, and or tyrannically insane, it's really none of your business. Chose to reply or don't, but complaining about the way others use social networking sites is a waste of time.
Go play outside.
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