You know, I know I'm not super nice all the time. I have my limits. However, I do try to be nice most of the time. Sometimes, I can walk away and not say anything, but more often than not, I speak my mind.
People are rude. Rude and mean. Rude and mean and stupid.
I hear a lot of the younger generation complaining about being treated poorly in customer service jobs. Guess what? It is because you don't know what the fuck you are doing. I can't tell you how many times I have encountered shitty customer service over the years. It just keeps getting WORSE!
Look, I get it. Most things are out of your control, and its not your fault the systems in place aren't efficient or effective. However, there are things within your control that can mitigate ANY situation that you refuse to acknowledge.
Without further adieu...Mav's Guide to Customer Service.
1. Fucking smile. If I walk up to you and you aren't smiling, I'm going to assume you hate your job, and you have lost the battle already. Unless you shoved the tampon up the wrong fucking hole, smile. This tiny action alone will make your day go smoothly, and eradicate most assholes out of the gate.
No one should have to tell you to smile. That is customer service.
2. Listen. You should be an active listener. If you suck at this, you can successfully learn. Learning starts with getting the fuck over yourself. I know no one really wants to work in customer service, but if you have to, you need to listen. Every time you have a preconceived notion of what your customer wants, you fail. Listen. Practice active listening.
Go to a mall, sit you ass down, and just listen. Listen to conversations. Learn to block out the unnecessary and listen. Whatever it is you need to say is secondary to what your customer needs.
3. Drop the Fucking ATTITUDE. If I encounter a customer service rep with a hand on a hip or a roll of the eyes, you will hear from me. Ask around. I will call you out! We all have to work. We get it, it sucks. But I feel your attitude before we speak, you are going to get it back, and you will LOSE.
4. Work like your life depends on it. Work ethic goes a long way, not only with me, but with your employer. We notice shit. It doesn't matter if you make $5/hr or $25/hr......you work your ass off. As you move on, you might need a reference, and if you are serving me, you will get a tip, no matter if you are a waitress, or just busting ass at RiteAid. People notice these things.
5. The customer is always right. I know this younger generation doesn't get this, but its true. Sometimes you have to bite your lip and take it. If you can't handle that, find another job. Obviously you don't have to take abuse, but most of the time, people just need to be heard. It is your job to hear it.
I have worked many customer service jobs over the years, and If I acted like you, I would have been fired. Just done.
Ok kids...Now that you know the basics...knock off your shit and do your job.
Monday, January 13, 2020
For the Thrill of it All....
There is no clearer evidence that common sense isn't prevalent in this country as the recent deaths of two children on the Oregon Coast.
In case you haven't heard, two children recently lost their lives in the deadly waters of the Mighty Pacific. Why? Because their father made a horrific decision to challenge the ocean.
Every year thousands of people, mostly adults, make decisions that result in their death, or injury. Thrill seekers, "outdoor enthusiasts" like hikers and skiers and naturalists put themselves in situations that no matter how prepared, could result in their death.
Did you know that almost every town down the Pacific Coast has an established "surf rescue" team? Who pays for that?
Often times our National Guard and Coast Guard are called on to perform rescues for those that disregard common sense. Who pays for that?
While there are many volunteer organizations that can assemble on a moments notice, should they be called to rescue those that took the risk?
I propose that our Law Enforcement, Firemen, Military, and volunteer organizations have plenty to do without scrambling to rescue some dip shit that thought they were bigger than the elements.
Maybe our science classes are failing on educating people on the dangers of "nature". I was very young when I was made aware that gambling with the elements had consequences. So why does this keep happening.? I cannot be the only one that knows this.
We are currently 13 days into 2020 and have already lost 3 to the Ocean in Oregon. NO data on near misses, but I would bet anything they have occurred. These are not boat related accidents. These are strictly beach related to sneaker waves, high surf, and rip currents.
I will NOT listen to, "well maybe they didn't know" or other varieties of this ridiculous excuse. I don't care if you have been landlocked your entire life and it's your first time seeing the ocean! There are signs, and news stories, and then there is....COMMON FUCKING SENSE.
Being picked off the rocks when the tide comes in? Are there people unaware that tides occur? Went hiking and got lost. Well, my dear, perhaps you should have taken a guide or just stayed in a campground. Climbing mountains to prove something to yourself? Great. If you die, you proved something. You cannot do it. My most immense irritation in this category is clearly the ocean. I see folks everyday playing games with Ocean. I talk to many...and guess what? Most of the time I get blow back. "We know what we are doing." "You are over exaggerating." "Mind your own fucking business." Ok. see you at your funeral.
I'm sad for the loss of life, obviously, but when it can be prevented, and you know better....you won't find sympathy from me. I am more upset about the resources you used up so someone could bail your dumb ass out of the situation.
The father that survived that lost his two children in the surf. I'll bet he wishes he was dead. I would. The decision he made was fatal, and tragic, and COMPLETELY illogical. I understand that this is now under investigation, and that is EXACTLY what should happen.
So many don't think about the consequences of their behavior, and that is exactly what is wrong with people in this country. People talking smack, living a life of of wants and not realizing that every choice, every behavior, has a consequence.
I know full well I will get a shit ton of criticism for this post. I'm ready to take it and defend it. Seriously, prove me wrong.
Bottom line, the lack of common sense and responsibility in this country is so overwhelming, that it has put many in precarious positions. Next time you call for the police, and they don't come, don't bitch about it. They are risking their own lives to save some idiot from the surf. If a crab boat needs the Coast Guard, and they aren't immediately at your disposal, too bad. They are rescuing people from the coast that made a really bad decision.
This ridiculousness did not occur when I was a kid. So many people would have spoke out and made sure this wasn't the norm. Now the public outcry is so prevalent, that you can't even criticize the dumb.
Our Public Servants have well enough to worry about, without coming to the aid of those that take calculated risks with mother nature.
In case you haven't heard, two children recently lost their lives in the deadly waters of the Mighty Pacific. Why? Because their father made a horrific decision to challenge the ocean.
Every year thousands of people, mostly adults, make decisions that result in their death, or injury. Thrill seekers, "outdoor enthusiasts" like hikers and skiers and naturalists put themselves in situations that no matter how prepared, could result in their death.
Did you know that almost every town down the Pacific Coast has an established "surf rescue" team? Who pays for that?
Often times our National Guard and Coast Guard are called on to perform rescues for those that disregard common sense. Who pays for that?
While there are many volunteer organizations that can assemble on a moments notice, should they be called to rescue those that took the risk?
I propose that our Law Enforcement, Firemen, Military, and volunteer organizations have plenty to do without scrambling to rescue some dip shit that thought they were bigger than the elements.
Maybe our science classes are failing on educating people on the dangers of "nature". I was very young when I was made aware that gambling with the elements had consequences. So why does this keep happening.? I cannot be the only one that knows this.
We are currently 13 days into 2020 and have already lost 3 to the Ocean in Oregon. NO data on near misses, but I would bet anything they have occurred. These are not boat related accidents. These are strictly beach related to sneaker waves, high surf, and rip currents.
I will NOT listen to, "well maybe they didn't know" or other varieties of this ridiculous excuse. I don't care if you have been landlocked your entire life and it's your first time seeing the ocean! There are signs, and news stories, and then there is....COMMON FUCKING SENSE.
Being picked off the rocks when the tide comes in? Are there people unaware that tides occur? Went hiking and got lost. Well, my dear, perhaps you should have taken a guide or just stayed in a campground. Climbing mountains to prove something to yourself? Great. If you die, you proved something. You cannot do it. My most immense irritation in this category is clearly the ocean. I see folks everyday playing games with Ocean. I talk to many...and guess what? Most of the time I get blow back. "We know what we are doing." "You are over exaggerating." "Mind your own fucking business." Ok. see you at your funeral.
I'm sad for the loss of life, obviously, but when it can be prevented, and you know better....you won't find sympathy from me. I am more upset about the resources you used up so someone could bail your dumb ass out of the situation.
The father that survived that lost his two children in the surf. I'll bet he wishes he was dead. I would. The decision he made was fatal, and tragic, and COMPLETELY illogical. I understand that this is now under investigation, and that is EXACTLY what should happen.
So many don't think about the consequences of their behavior, and that is exactly what is wrong with people in this country. People talking smack, living a life of of wants and not realizing that every choice, every behavior, has a consequence.
I know full well I will get a shit ton of criticism for this post. I'm ready to take it and defend it. Seriously, prove me wrong.
Bottom line, the lack of common sense and responsibility in this country is so overwhelming, that it has put many in precarious positions. Next time you call for the police, and they don't come, don't bitch about it. They are risking their own lives to save some idiot from the surf. If a crab boat needs the Coast Guard, and they aren't immediately at your disposal, too bad. They are rescuing people from the coast that made a really bad decision.
This ridiculousness did not occur when I was a kid. So many people would have spoke out and made sure this wasn't the norm. Now the public outcry is so prevalent, that you can't even criticize the dumb.
Our Public Servants have well enough to worry about, without coming to the aid of those that take calculated risks with mother nature.
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Go Pack Go
In front of tomorrow and the Seahawks v. Packers, I just wanted to say a few things about a topic close to my heart, and vicinity.
It is quite possible that the Seahawks are the most hated organization in the NFL.
While it is true there are many rivalries in the NFL, it seems that the Bitch Pigeons have taken on the role of the team that so many love to hate.
And here, In my humble opinion, are the reasons why....in no particular order
#1. Pete Carrol. Dude is a pedophile looking, gum chewing, shit play calling piece of dung. He tries to act like he's part of the team, but it is apparent he is just there to stimulate the media. I am fairly sure he is just posing as a coach while waiting for some elite new bubble gum company to pay him to endorse their product.
He has a history of shitty play calling, and acts like an excited teenager getting the chance to hold Russell Wilson's jock strap. He's just a JC dropout with little man syndrome.
#2, The talent. While I cannot deny that some players on Hawks have and or had talent, most are uneducated cocky punks. I would be fucking embarrassed to have Least Mode on my team. Their overall lack of respect for the game, the fans, and the sportsmanship overall is pathetic. They just have no class. Too bad Russell Wilson has to play with a bunch of thugs.
#3. The Fans. Please understand, I know some that love the game of football, and know the Seahawks. However, the majority of the fan base has no clue what the rules are, who the players are, (unless that jersey is on sale), or the history of the organization. They are rude, ignorant, combative, and intolerant of other fans. also....BANDWAGON.
#4. THE FUCKING WHINING. It's like no other I have ever seen in my life. And this includes the long time fans. It is no secret the NFL has some work to do when it comes to officiating...across the board, but my God the Seachicken fans can't and or won't let things go. Every down, every god damned play bitching about missed calls, overturned calls, red flags, and yellow ones too. News flash, even the Bitch pigeons make mistakes. As do ALL human, referees included. Let it go.
and finally...
#5. The City of Seattle. One of, if not the most, Libertarded cities in the country. Leaders that can't manage their way out of a wet paper bag wearing "12" jerseys trying to be "relatable". Man buns and coffee stands on every corner. Elitist bikers that think they own the streets. NO Rainier Beer! The Kale, vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, jicama eating enthusiasts and their restaurants. Traffic is a fucking nightmare, and you have to sell your children to afford a "decent" place to live. Also, paper straws. I could literally go on and on. Seattle has some beautiful sights and landmarks, but its a shit hole of leftist thinking ingrained in concrete.
I like Russell Wilson, a lot. He is classy, smart, intuitive and fucking talented. I wish he played somewhere else. Truth is, if he leaves, the shittards are back to losing seasons, guaranteed. I cannot and will not hate on Danger Russ.
The Seahawks are the new Cowboys/Yankees/Lakers. You either love them or hate them. Congrats.
It is quite possible that the Seahawks are the most hated organization in the NFL.
While it is true there are many rivalries in the NFL, it seems that the Bitch Pigeons have taken on the role of the team that so many love to hate.
And here, In my humble opinion, are the reasons why....in no particular order
#1. Pete Carrol. Dude is a pedophile looking, gum chewing, shit play calling piece of dung. He tries to act like he's part of the team, but it is apparent he is just there to stimulate the media. I am fairly sure he is just posing as a coach while waiting for some elite new bubble gum company to pay him to endorse their product.
He has a history of shitty play calling, and acts like an excited teenager getting the chance to hold Russell Wilson's jock strap. He's just a JC dropout with little man syndrome.
#2, The talent. While I cannot deny that some players on Hawks have and or had talent, most are uneducated cocky punks. I would be fucking embarrassed to have Least Mode on my team. Their overall lack of respect for the game, the fans, and the sportsmanship overall is pathetic. They just have no class. Too bad Russell Wilson has to play with a bunch of thugs.
#3. The Fans. Please understand, I know some that love the game of football, and know the Seahawks. However, the majority of the fan base has no clue what the rules are, who the players are, (unless that jersey is on sale), or the history of the organization. They are rude, ignorant, combative, and intolerant of other fans. also....BANDWAGON.
#4. THE FUCKING WHINING. It's like no other I have ever seen in my life. And this includes the long time fans. It is no secret the NFL has some work to do when it comes to officiating...across the board, but my God the Seachicken fans can't and or won't let things go. Every down, every god damned play bitching about missed calls, overturned calls, red flags, and yellow ones too. News flash, even the Bitch pigeons make mistakes. As do ALL human, referees included. Let it go.
and finally...
#5. The City of Seattle. One of, if not the most, Libertarded cities in the country. Leaders that can't manage their way out of a wet paper bag wearing "12" jerseys trying to be "relatable". Man buns and coffee stands on every corner. Elitist bikers that think they own the streets. NO Rainier Beer! The Kale, vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, jicama eating enthusiasts and their restaurants. Traffic is a fucking nightmare, and you have to sell your children to afford a "decent" place to live. Also, paper straws. I could literally go on and on. Seattle has some beautiful sights and landmarks, but its a shit hole of leftist thinking ingrained in concrete.
I like Russell Wilson, a lot. He is classy, smart, intuitive and fucking talented. I wish he played somewhere else. Truth is, if he leaves, the shittards are back to losing seasons, guaranteed. I cannot and will not hate on Danger Russ.
The Seahawks are the new Cowboys/Yankees/Lakers. You either love them or hate them. Congrats.
Thursday, January 2, 2020
I don't know....You make the call.
What is the difference between a family from Mexico being detained at the border, and a family from Iran being detained at the airport?
And...if you don't want to detain either, what is your alternative solution to breaking the law?
And if you think it isn't breaking the law, what other laws do we get to ignore?
What is the difference between separating children from their parents at the border, and separating children from their parents that are in jail?
You currently aren't outraged or give two shits about the children of the people incarcerated, so why so worried about children from another country? And, if you don't like this, What are reasonable alternatives to keeping families together? Jail or immigrant....any ideas? Foster Care? (Broken)...Adoption? (ridiculously expensive)
What is the difference between Law Enforcement Officers owning a firearm, and a plumber owning a firearm? Or, a hunter owning a firearm?
If you don't want firearms accessible to anyone, what is your alternative? How will you protect yourself or your family? Call the police? Have you ever stopped and thought about the ratio of police officers to crimes, let alone citizens?
And....our police officers are currently being targeted by criminals, and the profession itself is having a hard time finding people to fill in the next generation of Law Enforcement. What might be an alternative to that? What if you call for help, and no one comes?
What is the difference between a man that lies, and a woman that lies?
There is no difference, and most of the time, you cannot tell that lies are being told.
Show me a distinction between your behavior, and the behavior of the President of the United States! There is no measurable distinction because we are human, and doing whatever we can, to do the best that we can. You jump right up on your righteousness and I will pull you right down. You know as well as I do we all do things that aren't accepted by everyone. I'll wait...go on. The difference is, no one calls you out publicly...but I will.
I guess I could sit behind a desk and look smug with a sign that reads, "Change My Mind", but that solves nothing. It's also pointless, because, you can't.
The only reason you cry and whine about any one of the above and not the other, is because of the morally defunct and unaccountable media that has shoved so much bullshit up your ass. We live in a time where information is at our fingertips, and yet, so many refuse to dig for the truth.
My truth isn't your truth, and vice versa. But there are undeniable facts that people won't acknowledge because they need to be right.
Putrid terms are being tossed around like baseballs. Terms like Nazi, terrorist, concentration camp, racists, and traitor, just to name a few. This is a gross misrepresentation of what is happening in this country. How dare any of you equate what is happening today to the tyranny that happened under the rule of Hitler.
On an educational note:..All of this information is easily obtained. Knowledge is key.
You see, what I do, is research. And while I am nowhere near the smartest person alive, I do my due diligence. I always try to see the other side. I think that is my responsibility as a human.
The last two days I have read, and read, and read about the National Socialist Workers' Party and the period between 1933-1945. In other words...Fascism. You can look that word up, but what I do know, is that we live in a fucking democracy. There is no fascism here. There may be fascists...but not in power. We also live in the greatest country on earth. If you disagree with that, then why are you here?
Also to be considered, while on the topic, is that we have a Constitution, a Bill of Rights, and government outlined with checks and balances. If you do not know this, your education has failed you. But, back to my point.....
Our elected officials at the national level are corrupt and you know it. We have longed for someone to stand up for the American people, and we finally have one. Not a politician, A wealthy American business man that said, enough. Successful in his own right, he is now making strides to get rid of all the bullshit politicians, and regain our role as the greatest nation on the planet. Again, if you have an alternative solution, I am willing to listen. But there is no one candidate on the Democratic Ticket that is worth a shit. (my opinion)...Again, willing to listen.
I try everyday to live up to my moral code. Obviously, I cannot achieve what I believe to be what is right all the time. You know why? Emotion. You know why you can't? Emotion.
So let's take the media, and your emotions out of all the political hot points right now. Let us embark on a journey to use your own mind, do your own research, and validate your own thinking.
I am a realist. Present realistic solutions, to realistic problems, and then we will talk. If you do not have realistic solutions, it is ok. But what isn't ok is using disgustingly degrading terms and raging hate to destroy my country. The fear and hatred the media and the left are creating is sickening, and complete and utter bullshit.
You do realize that Mr. Trump is the first sitting President to set foot on North Korean soil? He also was able to have the remains of many soldiers sent back to America. He donates his salary, has been a champion for law enforcement and the military, and has corrected bullshit trade deals that had been crippling the economy in America for far too long. He did all this to put his country first. And still, you can't get over the fact that he is crass? He isn't a politician. He is a shrewd businessman that is doing his job. The job we elected him to do.
So, before you stand in judgment of our President, try this. Clean up your own shit. Come up with alternative methods to create change, participate in society with hope, and know that your flaws can be exploited just like his. Difference is, he stood up to create change when he DID NOT HAVE TO. You didn't.
What is the difference between a family from Mexico being detained at the border, and a family from Iran being detained at the airport?
And...if you don't want to detain either, what is your alternative solution to breaking the law?
And if you think it isn't breaking the law, what other laws do we get to ignore?
What is the difference between separating children from their parents at the border, and separating children from their parents that are in jail?
You currently aren't outraged or give two shits about the children of the people incarcerated, so why so worried about children from another country? And, if you don't like this, What are reasonable alternatives to keeping families together? Jail or immigrant....any ideas? Foster Care? (Broken)...Adoption? (ridiculously expensive)
What is the difference between Law Enforcement Officers owning a firearm, and a plumber owning a firearm? Or, a hunter owning a firearm?
If you don't want firearms accessible to anyone, what is your alternative? How will you protect yourself or your family? Call the police? Have you ever stopped and thought about the ratio of police officers to crimes, let alone citizens?
And....our police officers are currently being targeted by criminals, and the profession itself is having a hard time finding people to fill in the next generation of Law Enforcement. What might be an alternative to that? What if you call for help, and no one comes?
What is the difference between a man that lies, and a woman that lies?
There is no difference, and most of the time, you cannot tell that lies are being told.
Show me a distinction between your behavior, and the behavior of the President of the United States! There is no measurable distinction because we are human, and doing whatever we can, to do the best that we can. You jump right up on your righteousness and I will pull you right down. You know as well as I do we all do things that aren't accepted by everyone. I'll wait...go on. The difference is, no one calls you out publicly...but I will.
I guess I could sit behind a desk and look smug with a sign that reads, "Change My Mind", but that solves nothing. It's also pointless, because, you can't.
The only reason you cry and whine about any one of the above and not the other, is because of the morally defunct and unaccountable media that has shoved so much bullshit up your ass. We live in a time where information is at our fingertips, and yet, so many refuse to dig for the truth.
My truth isn't your truth, and vice versa. But there are undeniable facts that people won't acknowledge because they need to be right.
Putrid terms are being tossed around like baseballs. Terms like Nazi, terrorist, concentration camp, racists, and traitor, just to name a few. This is a gross misrepresentation of what is happening in this country. How dare any of you equate what is happening today to the tyranny that happened under the rule of Hitler.
On an educational note:..All of this information is easily obtained. Knowledge is key.
You see, what I do, is research. And while I am nowhere near the smartest person alive, I do my due diligence. I always try to see the other side. I think that is my responsibility as a human.
The last two days I have read, and read, and read about the National Socialist Workers' Party and the period between 1933-1945. In other words...Fascism. You can look that word up, but what I do know, is that we live in a fucking democracy. There is no fascism here. There may be fascists...but not in power. We also live in the greatest country on earth. If you disagree with that, then why are you here?
Also to be considered, while on the topic, is that we have a Constitution, a Bill of Rights, and government outlined with checks and balances. If you do not know this, your education has failed you. But, back to my point.....
Our elected officials at the national level are corrupt and you know it. We have longed for someone to stand up for the American people, and we finally have one. Not a politician, A wealthy American business man that said, enough. Successful in his own right, he is now making strides to get rid of all the bullshit politicians, and regain our role as the greatest nation on the planet. Again, if you have an alternative solution, I am willing to listen. But there is no one candidate on the Democratic Ticket that is worth a shit. (my opinion)...Again, willing to listen.
I try everyday to live up to my moral code. Obviously, I cannot achieve what I believe to be what is right all the time. You know why? Emotion. You know why you can't? Emotion.
So let's take the media, and your emotions out of all the political hot points right now. Let us embark on a journey to use your own mind, do your own research, and validate your own thinking.
I am a realist. Present realistic solutions, to realistic problems, and then we will talk. If you do not have realistic solutions, it is ok. But what isn't ok is using disgustingly degrading terms and raging hate to destroy my country. The fear and hatred the media and the left are creating is sickening, and complete and utter bullshit.
You do realize that Mr. Trump is the first sitting President to set foot on North Korean soil? He also was able to have the remains of many soldiers sent back to America. He donates his salary, has been a champion for law enforcement and the military, and has corrected bullshit trade deals that had been crippling the economy in America for far too long. He did all this to put his country first. And still, you can't get over the fact that he is crass? He isn't a politician. He is a shrewd businessman that is doing his job. The job we elected him to do.
So, before you stand in judgment of our President, try this. Clean up your own shit. Come up with alternative methods to create change, participate in society with hope, and know that your flaws can be exploited just like his. Difference is, he stood up to create change when he DID NOT HAVE TO. You didn't.
Friday, December 27, 2019
I Have Had Enough
I am so sick of people and the way they discard other humans as trash. Humans are not trash. They are someones family. They have blood running through their veins. What in the world is wrong with you?
So now, here is the truth. Not opinion, but facts. Facts that matter.
Mental Illness is real. Abuse is real. Addiction is a disease. You can spout and spew all you want about people making choices, but the fact is, if you haven't been where we have been, then shut your fucking mouth.
I have all 3. And right now, I am indeed, technically homeless. All I have is my mind, my heart, and my truck. I have zero dollars, and no job. My mind is so messed up that I can't leave the house most days. My last net has been used, and I am trying hard to crawl out of this mess, but understand, this mess I have, you will NEVER understand.
Ok then, I will tell you my story, but just the worst parts. Then you can stand in fucking judgment, and roll your eyes.
After my dad died when I was 5, my mother was quickly in another relationship with a prick. The next 5 years of my life I was molested more than you could even fathom. The boyfriend, his relatives, baby sitters, my own brothers, and their friends, and their friends. Friends of my moms, and friends of theirs. So shut the fuck up. You have no idea how hard that is to bury and move along life with a smile on your face.
Yes, I told someone, And this is what I heard. "You will do anything to get attention, won't you?" Yeah...judge that you assholes. So until I was able to get away from the situation, It continued, as did my fear, and hatred of myself, the loneliness, and the betrayal.
I think I was in the 7th grade when I started drinking. It was just binging back then. I didn't enjoy it, but it was my escape. Unfortunately, not knowing better, that escape led to more sexual assaults.
Did your parents friends ever give you whiskey in the 8th grade so they could fuck you? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I spent a large part of my youth running from the truth and trying to bury shit. My pattern of bad choices and running got me into some pretty horrific situations. As you might imagine, hiding the pain, and the mental illness was not easy. So I became a smart ass. A defense mechanism used by many to escape and put out the perception that we are ok. I am not ok. Not then, and not now.
I have been raped twice as an adult, and put up with more shit that you could fathom because I have patterns, and I don't like myself. I have been in mentally and physically abusive relationships most of my life because I am not well. I did have one shot at a great relationship, but I fucked it up. This was long before I was willing to admit that I was NOT ok.
So from abuse, comes addiction. Alcohol is my weapon of choice. Anything to forget. I have been on anti-depressants for many years, but they don't make anything better, especially because I drink. I know it sounds stupid, and I am an intelligent woman, but when you are trying to run from something, you will do anything to forget. So yes, I am an alcoholic. Part of trying to forget is forgetting who you are. When you don't like yourself, you will do anything to forget. Even for a few hours, an escape is a vacation.
I have tried to commit suicide twice. I even failed at that. Truth is, I am not afraid to die. Some days I think it would be a blessing. I yearn for hope. I want to see kids succeeding and being happy and healthy. I want to see good things happen for people, but the truth is, I can't see hope for myself. I spent several days in a "facility". And it was just that, a facility. They let me walk out like nothing happened. I was asked to put a safety plan in action, and keep in touch with those that meant most to me, but one by one...and day by day...that ended too.
A lot of my friends and acquaintances think I am strong and some sort of kick ass woman. I am not. I am a survivor doing anything I can to survive. I do what I can to lift others up, and be a spark someone needs, but I just cannot spark myself.
Currently, no one in my family is speaking to me. Not even my own kid. This is a normal pattern with mental illness and addiction. One by one, you give up, because you can't help what you won't acknowledge or understand. I know from my education and personal experience, that the one most important part of fighting addiction is a support network. Ya see where I am going here? So it gets harder every day to fight....when everyone gives up on you. You see no value in your own life, so you shrug and move forward.
I understand why people turn on us. It is a lot. But what happened to love? Unconditional love. I can manage it, and you can't? Because I'm broken? I just lost a good friend of many years because I'm too much drama and pain. Thanks.
I had to raise myself. Aside from the abuse and addiction, the family unit has been shattered as well. After my dad passed at the age of 5, my mom said fuck it. Maybe some of you reading this don't realize, but when I was 16, my mom moved out of the house. She told me she had raised her boys and I was on my own. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I am tired of keeping secrets that hurt me.
I made it though....and I have made it for a long time. The realization is, that not all people are as strong as I pretend to be. I fully understand shoving a needle in your arm to escape reality. I fully understand suicide. We don't want to die to stop living, we are running from pain. Death makes pain go away. So you can swing all the suicide banners you want, but until you start understanding mental illness and addiction, it won't stop.
Stop screaming "get yourself some help"! It is not easy, and people that are already dealing with a lifetime of pain, are not patient. (insert that lack of support here). I have worked in Social Services, and I know how ridiculous the system is. If you want help, you have to jump through so many hoops that people give up. That is what we do. We give up. The TRUTH is, unless you are pregnant or in jail, help is very hard to come by. Stop pretending its as easy as being on Dr. Phil, because it is not. That shit is expensive. And even if you do get there, the TRUTH is, people relapse. THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN ERASE YOUR PAST FROM YOUR BRAIN.
When and if you do relapse, people turn on you harder than ever before. Yay! Good times.
Look around. How many mental health facilities or rehabs do you see? I'm waiting...
So every time you call a human a piece of trash, you are calling me a piece of trash. Thanks. Just because you can't relate to a person, doesn't mean they are trash. Don't get me wrong, there are evil people in this world, but the facts are, addiction and mental illness have nothing to do with being lazy or stupid.
We are trying to survive. That is it. We are trying to survive in a world that wants us to disappear.
I hope this missive will help at least one person, but mostly I hope it will help you understand the cycle and how you must start at the bottom, and work backwards to help people. The worst part of my days are when people tell me to just be happy, or get over it, or pull myself together. What the fuck does that look like?
So now, here is the truth. Not opinion, but facts. Facts that matter.
Mental Illness is real. Abuse is real. Addiction is a disease. You can spout and spew all you want about people making choices, but the fact is, if you haven't been where we have been, then shut your fucking mouth.
I have all 3. And right now, I am indeed, technically homeless. All I have is my mind, my heart, and my truck. I have zero dollars, and no job. My mind is so messed up that I can't leave the house most days. My last net has been used, and I am trying hard to crawl out of this mess, but understand, this mess I have, you will NEVER understand.
Ok then, I will tell you my story, but just the worst parts. Then you can stand in fucking judgment, and roll your eyes.
After my dad died when I was 5, my mother was quickly in another relationship with a prick. The next 5 years of my life I was molested more than you could even fathom. The boyfriend, his relatives, baby sitters, my own brothers, and their friends, and their friends. Friends of my moms, and friends of theirs. So shut the fuck up. You have no idea how hard that is to bury and move along life with a smile on your face.
Yes, I told someone, And this is what I heard. "You will do anything to get attention, won't you?" Yeah...judge that you assholes. So until I was able to get away from the situation, It continued, as did my fear, and hatred of myself, the loneliness, and the betrayal.
I think I was in the 7th grade when I started drinking. It was just binging back then. I didn't enjoy it, but it was my escape. Unfortunately, not knowing better, that escape led to more sexual assaults.
Did your parents friends ever give you whiskey in the 8th grade so they could fuck you? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I spent a large part of my youth running from the truth and trying to bury shit. My pattern of bad choices and running got me into some pretty horrific situations. As you might imagine, hiding the pain, and the mental illness was not easy. So I became a smart ass. A defense mechanism used by many to escape and put out the perception that we are ok. I am not ok. Not then, and not now.
I have been raped twice as an adult, and put up with more shit that you could fathom because I have patterns, and I don't like myself. I have been in mentally and physically abusive relationships most of my life because I am not well. I did have one shot at a great relationship, but I fucked it up. This was long before I was willing to admit that I was NOT ok.
So from abuse, comes addiction. Alcohol is my weapon of choice. Anything to forget. I have been on anti-depressants for many years, but they don't make anything better, especially because I drink. I know it sounds stupid, and I am an intelligent woman, but when you are trying to run from something, you will do anything to forget. So yes, I am an alcoholic. Part of trying to forget is forgetting who you are. When you don't like yourself, you will do anything to forget. Even for a few hours, an escape is a vacation.
I have tried to commit suicide twice. I even failed at that. Truth is, I am not afraid to die. Some days I think it would be a blessing. I yearn for hope. I want to see kids succeeding and being happy and healthy. I want to see good things happen for people, but the truth is, I can't see hope for myself. I spent several days in a "facility". And it was just that, a facility. They let me walk out like nothing happened. I was asked to put a safety plan in action, and keep in touch with those that meant most to me, but one by one...and day by day...that ended too.
A lot of my friends and acquaintances think I am strong and some sort of kick ass woman. I am not. I am a survivor doing anything I can to survive. I do what I can to lift others up, and be a spark someone needs, but I just cannot spark myself.
Currently, no one in my family is speaking to me. Not even my own kid. This is a normal pattern with mental illness and addiction. One by one, you give up, because you can't help what you won't acknowledge or understand. I know from my education and personal experience, that the one most important part of fighting addiction is a support network. Ya see where I am going here? So it gets harder every day to fight....when everyone gives up on you. You see no value in your own life, so you shrug and move forward.
I understand why people turn on us. It is a lot. But what happened to love? Unconditional love. I can manage it, and you can't? Because I'm broken? I just lost a good friend of many years because I'm too much drama and pain. Thanks.
I had to raise myself. Aside from the abuse and addiction, the family unit has been shattered as well. After my dad passed at the age of 5, my mom said fuck it. Maybe some of you reading this don't realize, but when I was 16, my mom moved out of the house. She told me she had raised her boys and I was on my own. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I am tired of keeping secrets that hurt me.
I made it though....and I have made it for a long time. The realization is, that not all people are as strong as I pretend to be. I fully understand shoving a needle in your arm to escape reality. I fully understand suicide. We don't want to die to stop living, we are running from pain. Death makes pain go away. So you can swing all the suicide banners you want, but until you start understanding mental illness and addiction, it won't stop.
Stop screaming "get yourself some help"! It is not easy, and people that are already dealing with a lifetime of pain, are not patient. (insert that lack of support here). I have worked in Social Services, and I know how ridiculous the system is. If you want help, you have to jump through so many hoops that people give up. That is what we do. We give up. The TRUTH is, unless you are pregnant or in jail, help is very hard to come by. Stop pretending its as easy as being on Dr. Phil, because it is not. That shit is expensive. And even if you do get there, the TRUTH is, people relapse. THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN ERASE YOUR PAST FROM YOUR BRAIN.
When and if you do relapse, people turn on you harder than ever before. Yay! Good times.
Look around. How many mental health facilities or rehabs do you see? I'm waiting...
So every time you call a human a piece of trash, you are calling me a piece of trash. Thanks. Just because you can't relate to a person, doesn't mean they are trash. Don't get me wrong, there are evil people in this world, but the facts are, addiction and mental illness have nothing to do with being lazy or stupid.
We are trying to survive. That is it. We are trying to survive in a world that wants us to disappear.
I hope this missive will help at least one person, but mostly I hope it will help you understand the cycle and how you must start at the bottom, and work backwards to help people. The worst part of my days are when people tell me to just be happy, or get over it, or pull myself together. What the fuck does that look like?
Saturday, March 28, 2015
This is my gift to you..Rhys Davis
I have put a lot of thought into what I might buy Rhys for a retirement present. Knowing that his journey is taking him on the road, I suppose something simple like a gas card, or or gift card, or money would be best. However, I find that impersonal, and way to practical a gift for a man that I care so much for.
So I have decided, my dear friend, to give you words. It's all I really have of value that you might keep with you for the rest of your life.
When I met you, I could never have known what sort of journey that we would be making. I also had no idea what sort of real character you had, or what an incredible asset that you would become to the community. And this, your character and commitment to this community, is what I would like to address first.
This community owes you a lifetime of love and thanks. While a tiny part of it was connected with your job, the rest of your selfless service all came from that gigantic heart of yours. While others were complaining about living in this community, you were doing all you could to make sure the lives of harborites became enriched and enlightened.
Myself no exception, the community time and again asked you to participate in countless events. I honestly don't remember a time you said no. Hundreds if not thousands of times you were called upon to emcee or be an auctioneer. And you did...and you didn't complain. No matter how big or small the event, there you were. Thank you, Rhys. Thank you for always being there.
So much more. So very much more. You graciously married folks, with no expectation of payment or accolades. You read to grade school children many times, and smiled while doing it. Your presence/ and or even just your voice has made such a huge impact on this community. It was always reflected every year as the people of this community made sure you were elected the favorite radio personality in Grays Harbor County.
Rhys, you are also a very generous man. While living "high on the hog" making DJ wages, (lol)..you always made sure your friends and family never went without. Giving without thought just to make sure people were ok. Just another exceptional quality that you bestow, and hopefully have inspired in others.
So many would wake up to hear your voice to begin their day. The area youth loved to hear you tell them that there would be no school today, or hear you announce their birthdays on the radio. People will deny it, but most of the folks around here will say that they know you, and think of you as a part of their family.
I believe in my heart, that you unknowingly instilled a sense of family in our community. Thank you.
I can talk about what you mean to the community for hours. Just this past month the people approaching you saying Thanks and wishing you well in the future should remind you of the outstanding difference you have made during your career here.
And I would be remiss, If I didn't mention, sharing you with thousands wasn't easy, and made me jealous often.
I will always laugh at the story about how we met, and you telling everyone that I stalked you all the way to Palm Springs. I will never forget watching games at your house, crying on your shoulder, laughing my butt off with you, or even just plain talking. You don't run across too many people in your life that you can count on, like I can you.
I appreciate you telling me the truth when I needed to hear it. I appreciate your arm around me, when I needed to feel it. I appreciate your friendship, and your love. Texts, phone calls, .....all memories I will cherish.
Dear man, I wish you well. I hope your journey gives back to you tenfold what you have given to all of us.
Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him. --Scottish Proverb.
Good Luck,
Sincerely, Me and Grays Harbor.
So I have decided, my dear friend, to give you words. It's all I really have of value that you might keep with you for the rest of your life.
When I met you, I could never have known what sort of journey that we would be making. I also had no idea what sort of real character you had, or what an incredible asset that you would become to the community. And this, your character and commitment to this community, is what I would like to address first.
This community owes you a lifetime of love and thanks. While a tiny part of it was connected with your job, the rest of your selfless service all came from that gigantic heart of yours. While others were complaining about living in this community, you were doing all you could to make sure the lives of harborites became enriched and enlightened.
Myself no exception, the community time and again asked you to participate in countless events. I honestly don't remember a time you said no. Hundreds if not thousands of times you were called upon to emcee or be an auctioneer. And you did...and you didn't complain. No matter how big or small the event, there you were. Thank you, Rhys. Thank you for always being there.
So much more. So very much more. You graciously married folks, with no expectation of payment or accolades. You read to grade school children many times, and smiled while doing it. Your presence/ and or even just your voice has made such a huge impact on this community. It was always reflected every year as the people of this community made sure you were elected the favorite radio personality in Grays Harbor County.
Rhys, you are also a very generous man. While living "high on the hog" making DJ wages, (lol)..you always made sure your friends and family never went without. Giving without thought just to make sure people were ok. Just another exceptional quality that you bestow, and hopefully have inspired in others.
So many would wake up to hear your voice to begin their day. The area youth loved to hear you tell them that there would be no school today, or hear you announce their birthdays on the radio. People will deny it, but most of the folks around here will say that they know you, and think of you as a part of their family.
I believe in my heart, that you unknowingly instilled a sense of family in our community. Thank you.
I can talk about what you mean to the community for hours. Just this past month the people approaching you saying Thanks and wishing you well in the future should remind you of the outstanding difference you have made during your career here.
And I would be remiss, If I didn't mention, sharing you with thousands wasn't easy, and made me jealous often.
I will always laugh at the story about how we met, and you telling everyone that I stalked you all the way to Palm Springs. I will never forget watching games at your house, crying on your shoulder, laughing my butt off with you, or even just plain talking. You don't run across too many people in your life that you can count on, like I can you.
I appreciate you telling me the truth when I needed to hear it. I appreciate your arm around me, when I needed to feel it. I appreciate your friendship, and your love. Texts, phone calls, .....all memories I will cherish.
Dear man, I wish you well. I hope your journey gives back to you tenfold what you have given to all of us.
Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him. --Scottish Proverb.
Good Luck,
Sincerely, Me and Grays Harbor.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Dear Everyone: Here is your Christmas Card.
Ah 2014. Winding down and coming to a close. Things you have taught me. Let us reflect.
Well Lyd and I survived 2013 just barely. After I got out of the nuthouse, and moved to the beach, life started slowly getting better. I gotta give a shout out to my kid here. She stuck by me when she didn't have to. Many times she walked me away from a situation where I froze and broke down. My kid is strong, and she made me stronger. All that time dealing with PTSD, and all I wanted was to find was a lesson in all of it for her. OH there were lessons....for both of us.
Lesson one: Don't get raped.
Lesson two: Don't take your own life.
Lesson three: heal.
I laugh as I write that. I can look back and laugh, and that shit is a win. I/we are survivors.
I feel completely idiotic as I reflect. My problems seem so little now. It reminds me of an old boyfriend that fought the war in the middle east after 9-11. He was a member of the British Military. I asked him when he was on leave what it was like to be there. He laughed, uncontrollably as he recalled how he and his fellow soldiers laughed as the shrapnel flew and the sound was deafening. It was surreal. It was out of body. It was fucking scary. I can't pretend I know what it's like to go to war, but I can totally relate to what it is like to feel that way. Just doesn't seem real now.
And, now......I'm alive. So alive.
So Lydia and I continue to struggle in our love lives. This is the 20th year in a row that Jay Buhner hasn't called to tell me he divorced Leah and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And...so I wait. As for Lydia, after Kyle Seager signed his new contract, and flaunted the whole..."i have a wife bs." she (we) have now set our sights on Corey Seager. (Kyle's little bro) I think he will make a fine son in law.
I like Lyd's chances better than mine.
Lydia has had a really great year. As most know, I am damned proud of her. And here is why. The kid is an excellent student and continues to amaze me in her journey for knowledge. The best thing she has said to me all year is, "I actually hear your words coming out of my mouth mom." Is there a greater honor?
She had a fine year playing fast pitch for HHS. Being a 2nd baseman her entire career and getting moved to center-field was an adjustment. But, like she always does, she worked her ass off and made all conference 2nd league the first year at her new position. And...her mom got honorable mention in the coaches meeting....sigh.
Her heart remains planted in Washington Thunder Country, where she plays many positions. She has formed some unbelievable friendships and has some outstanding coaches. It has transformed her into an even better person than she used to be.
And....that is really all that Lydia does....play ball. Except for, volunteering at a food bank, hunting and killing a nice buck, attending and cheering for many sports at her school, attending her brothers events and games, and loving me and the rest of her family.
I have met some amazing people this year. I have also met a lot of assholes. I'm gonna say it's about a 60/40 split. After coming out of hiding, I decided not to waste any time at all. So, if you fall into either category, you already know.
I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't mention my parenting achievements in 2014.
We had two very awesome campouts/parties at our pad. The first one had me singing at the top of my lungs and showing Lydia the value of karaoke skills, not to mention which alcohols not to mix. The second of such events I had a more practical approach and showed my darling daughter how NOT to smoke weed. I am quite sure I am in the running for parent of the year! Don't forget to vote!
Other awesome happenings this year: running out of gas twice, (slow learner i am), going on a date with a complete psycho that Lydia nearly shot, adopting a new wiener dog that hates me and loves the kid, adopting a cat that also hates me, Joshua Hibbard, getting and either quitting and or getting fired from 4 different jobs, and last but not least, discovering the deliciousness of a 7 Seas double IPA called Ballz Deep.
I hope this year kept you all well and happy. We are well, and we are happy, and we are not buying stamps and envelopes and mailing this letter. We have gone virtual.
So here is a virtual hug and kiss. Goodbye 2014--forever.
Casi and Lydia
Well Lyd and I survived 2013 just barely. After I got out of the nuthouse, and moved to the beach, life started slowly getting better. I gotta give a shout out to my kid here. She stuck by me when she didn't have to. Many times she walked me away from a situation where I froze and broke down. My kid is strong, and she made me stronger. All that time dealing with PTSD, and all I wanted was to find was a lesson in all of it for her. OH there were lessons....for both of us.
Lesson one: Don't get raped.
Lesson two: Don't take your own life.
Lesson three: heal.
I laugh as I write that. I can look back and laugh, and that shit is a win. I/we are survivors.
I feel completely idiotic as I reflect. My problems seem so little now. It reminds me of an old boyfriend that fought the war in the middle east after 9-11. He was a member of the British Military. I asked him when he was on leave what it was like to be there. He laughed, uncontrollably as he recalled how he and his fellow soldiers laughed as the shrapnel flew and the sound was deafening. It was surreal. It was out of body. It was fucking scary. I can't pretend I know what it's like to go to war, but I can totally relate to what it is like to feel that way. Just doesn't seem real now.
And, now......I'm alive. So alive.
So Lydia and I continue to struggle in our love lives. This is the 20th year in a row that Jay Buhner hasn't called to tell me he divorced Leah and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And...so I wait. As for Lydia, after Kyle Seager signed his new contract, and flaunted the whole..."i have a wife bs." she (we) have now set our sights on Corey Seager. (Kyle's little bro) I think he will make a fine son in law.
I like Lyd's chances better than mine.
Lydia has had a really great year. As most know, I am damned proud of her. And here is why. The kid is an excellent student and continues to amaze me in her journey for knowledge. The best thing she has said to me all year is, "I actually hear your words coming out of my mouth mom." Is there a greater honor?
She had a fine year playing fast pitch for HHS. Being a 2nd baseman her entire career and getting moved to center-field was an adjustment. But, like she always does, she worked her ass off and made all conference 2nd league the first year at her new position. And...her mom got honorable mention in the coaches meeting....sigh.
Her heart remains planted in Washington Thunder Country, where she plays many positions. She has formed some unbelievable friendships and has some outstanding coaches. It has transformed her into an even better person than she used to be.
And....that is really all that Lydia does....play ball. Except for, volunteering at a food bank, hunting and killing a nice buck, attending and cheering for many sports at her school, attending her brothers events and games, and loving me and the rest of her family.
I have met some amazing people this year. I have also met a lot of assholes. I'm gonna say it's about a 60/40 split. After coming out of hiding, I decided not to waste any time at all. So, if you fall into either category, you already know.
I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't mention my parenting achievements in 2014.
We had two very awesome campouts/parties at our pad. The first one had me singing at the top of my lungs and showing Lydia the value of karaoke skills, not to mention which alcohols not to mix. The second of such events I had a more practical approach and showed my darling daughter how NOT to smoke weed. I am quite sure I am in the running for parent of the year! Don't forget to vote!
Other awesome happenings this year: running out of gas twice, (slow learner i am), going on a date with a complete psycho that Lydia nearly shot, adopting a new wiener dog that hates me and loves the kid, adopting a cat that also hates me, Joshua Hibbard, getting and either quitting and or getting fired from 4 different jobs, and last but not least, discovering the deliciousness of a 7 Seas double IPA called Ballz Deep.
I hope this year kept you all well and happy. We are well, and we are happy, and we are not buying stamps and envelopes and mailing this letter. We have gone virtual.
So here is a virtual hug and kiss. Goodbye 2014--forever.
Casi and Lydia
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