Help Wanted

 A lot of people right now bitching about a lack of workforce for jobs.  People, primarily with a cushy job, bitching about those not working.  I say, fuck you.

     Service jobs are screaming for help and they aren't getting it and I couldn't be more tickled.  I see this as progress, while others are fuming mad.  

     Wages are coming up dumbasses.  Isn't that what we all want?  A fair living wage?  

I'm primarily talking about service jobs in tourist towns.  

     These business owners have been treating people like disposable diapers for as long as I can remember.  For 3-4 months they expect you to give everything you have to them.  And when I say everything....I mean, no time off, no second job, long hours, and no complaining.  Disposable.  When the tourists leave....and they cut your hours....they say work a couple days and  draw unemployment.  That is almost worse than not working at all.  Try to get a second job and coordinate so you can get 40 hours?  Seems legit.  Nope...work here or work nowhere.  They force you to quit.  

     I am getting a lot of joy watching these businesses scramble for help.  Maybe they will realize that people aren't commodities.  They won't, but a girl can dream.  

     Your complaints about folks not working is falling on my deaf ears.  I hope everyone that works in the service industry stays on unemployment until Labor Day.  

Don't forget who the real enemy is here.  It's not your neighbor drawing unemployment, it's the dipshits living in the big white house on the east coast.  Pushing division on the people is in their best interest, don't fall into the trap.  

     When your alarm goes off tomorrow, and you get up for work, be glad you have a job.  When you get off, grab a cold one and go check on that neighbor.  You might find your presumptions are way off.  And even if they aren't, you are still gaining from fellowship and understanding.

     

For da Boys

 Lately I have been doing a lot of listening.  Listening to people talk about the economy, the administration, and even this new virus.  I listen...because we all know, no one is perfect and we all have room to grow.  I'm hoping to learn, and grow, and feel confident in my own decisions.  I listen.

In America, the sky is the limit.  You can, for the most part, be or do whatever you want.  Possibilities lay at our feet like lillies on a pond.  It's unique.  It's phenomenal.  It's.....Freedom.  So I listen.

So while I listen, and think about the United States, my home.  I am perpetually disappointed in some things I hear.  (i have that right to be disappointed, cuz,...freedom)  My head digests so much that some days I think I'm going crazy.  But, I'm not....What I'm going is....to bat for my country.

I have met some wonderful people in the midst of this attack on our freedom. 2 in particular...former soldiers.  Men that would take a bullet for you any day of the week.  Read that again.

I know a lot of men and women that have served.  I will always respect them and feel eternal gratitude to them.   I mean, Jesus Christ, these men and women....what they stand for...what they do, for us!  For the United States. While you get your nails done, or work at your desk, or while you are celebrating a birthday with family, the soldiers have got your back, and you don't even know it!-- and it really seems like you don't care. 

It's not a movie.  It's not little green army guys.  It's fucking real.  Soldiers in sweltering heat running 12 miles so that I can run my mouth.  Missions in weather most of us would die in, so that Betty Lou in Seattle can buy a house by herself.  Missing their families so that Greg in Puyallup can be an atheist.  

DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU CANNOT DO THIS IN MANY OTHER COUNTRIES?

But, no one can make you care.  That is a learned behavior that a lot of people seemed to not absorb. But now, It's more than just not caring.  It's dreadful, and embarrassing.  It's treason.  It's disrespect.  It's every nightmare you ever had rolled into one big sack of shit.

My heart dropped into my gut when I heard a soldier tell me how much it hurt to know that all that he gave, seemed to be for nothing.  That while he put his life on the line to protect us, some Americans cursed him.  Cursed the American soldier in the name of communism.  What a kick in the nuts.  Btw, go treat the Iranian army like they are shit.....you will die.  

This all makes me think about 9-11.  How the country came together in the name of Freedom, to support each other, and the military.  How the country KNEW, we had to defeat evil and we would do whatever it took to protect our country and our borders.  Flags flew on every house, people gathered to pray, and heads bowed to remember the lives lost. 

Was that all a joke?  I mean.....  What changed?

What changed is the enemy.  We are not defending against foreign enemies.  Our enemy is sadly domestic.

I know the American Soldier didn't change.  They keep on keeping on to make sure you can do whatever it is you desire.  And...as he said....was it for nothing?  

In this moment in my life I cannot tolerate it.  I will not tolerate disrespectful American citizens criticizing my military.  I cannot tolerate American citizens endorsing communism.  And I will not tolerate the blatant criticism of the United States.

So, piss off.  Be a democrat, or republican, or whatever.  Be tall, be short, be stupid or smart.  Be a lawyer or a teacher.  Whatever it is in your head that makes you hate the United States or demean the military is a flaw that needs to be addressed in your life.  While I support your freedoms to do so, I won't tolerate it in my presence.

I will fight, along side those trained or not, to defend my freedoms and my country.  What will you do?

There is no such thing as Gender Assignment

 Let the girls play.  

This notion of letting transgender athletes crossover is absolutely unfair.  However, as with most hot button issues today, People just follow the crowd without researching what impact this might have, or if it's really "fair" at all.

Let me help you out,....IT IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR.

Hey, if you wanna morph into a rabbit, I could give a shit less.  I hear the T-rex is also a popular animal that one could identify as.  I don't care...you do you....BUT....you doing you gives you no right to engage in any sporting event because you feel like the opposite sex.  

OH yeah....."ok...but women have done it."  Yeah, well here's the difference.  Pay attention as science wins this argument.

I spent many moons researching adolescent sports, in particular, for females.   Women's bodies develop at different rates and ratio's than that of a male.  If you need to be told this, perhaps take some catch up courses of the human body.  OR......there is this thing called google that will take you to a magical place that can explain.

Just because you FEEL like it's fair, doesn't make it so.  

Mens bodies are stronger by default.  And stay that way without exception for a lifetime.  Only illness or genetic deficiencies can change this.  But when an able bodied male wants to play dress up, that does NOT qualify them for a spot on the womens team.  EVER.

Unless the day comes that hormones and injections can change the natural makeup of a mans body completely, men have no role in womens sports.  We have battled long and hard for equality, and now you want to take it back?  bullshit.

There also comes a time when it's harder to keep girls in sports because they reach their natural athletic peak earlier than men.  Now this time varies and certainly is different in all women, yet it's still true.  How can we keep girls interested in sports and pushing themselves harder when they are pushed out earlier and earlier by transgender men?  It's hard enough to encourage participation with all the other barriers surrounding women's sports.  

Research has shown that boy and girls that stay in sports through the duration of the school years, including college, are more likely to succeed in life and stay out of trouble.  What do you suppose girls do that lose interest in sports?  You can draw your own conclusions.  

I watched my own daughter battle for equality in the sporting world her entire life.  I'll be goddamned if I will sit back now and watch all she and others fought for be dismissed because we have to coddle people and their feelings.

Let the girls play.....with other girls.  

ESSENTIAL

Unpopular Opinion:  run away if sensitive!!!!!

I'm pretty tired of hearing about "essential workers".  Essential worker is a tag word that was shoved down your throat, and you sucked it up like spaghetti.  Started feeling all superior and shit.  Starting feeling like you mattered more, and that somehow your life was more at risk than others.

Complete Bullshit.

Essential worker my ass.  And, now, you want and or demanding hazard pay for working during a circus sideshow.  

Ok then.  You shall be compensated.  If, and only if, you can equate your delusional sense of superiority and your hysterical Giant health risk, to that of someone that was laid off and or LOST their job.  Or, to a small business owner that lost everything.  Or, try to equate it to an elderly person home bound with no family and a fixed income.  

But, but....they gave you extra.  Did they now?  A shit ton of people are still waiting for any cent of income from unemployment.  It's true, those who did get their checks got extra.  However, they also had to sit by and worry, and adjust their entire lives, to try to fit this ridiculous narrative.  Will they have a job in the future?  Many, so very many, lost their jobs for good.  Some not eligible for unemployment.  Ya dig?

But, indeed, essential.  Really?

You go face to face with any Veteran in the country, or active military, and tell them just how fucking essential you are, then I'll stand beside you and make sure you get that extra income.  

Essential.....(absolutely necessary) (extremely important)  

Dear Senior Class 2020

I can't say I fully know what you might be feeling right now, but I get it.  We all do.  For some reason we look back on our Senior Year as one of the the best times of our lives.  It's like that "party" year, that we most recall. So Sentimental.

I know you will be missing out on a lot of experiences.  Experiences you have heard many times from the classes that came before you.  I know, it sucks.  However....

There are many opportunities you will have that those of us that finished our Senior Year never got the luxury of experiencing.  Let's stay positive.

1.  You will never have to eat school lunch again.
2.  You can plan Senior Skip day like a boss.
3.  The odds of your bf/gf cheating on you dropped exponentially.
4.  You won't have to gaze out the window at the sunshine.
5.  All those pesky assignments.
6.  No awkward Monday mornings.
7.  Never have to face that teacher you hate again!
8.  No ridiculous fundraising!
9.  You don't have to pretend to like anyone!
10.  Your bully no longer has access to you
11.  No more gym showers
12.  THE FUCKING STRESS
13, You can go to the bathroom whenever you want
14.  You don't have to get up early
15.  Think of the money you saved, as did your parents
16.  umm, awkward boners
17.  NO deadlines...(or substantially less)
18.  You get to start your life early!
19.  NO pre graduation hangover. (oh wait...nevermind)
20.  NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET YOUR CLASS!

So my darlings, let's look a the positive side of things. 

Our hearts really go out to you, and good luck!

I'll make this brief.

I am not a feminist.  I have been accused of it, but I assure you I am not.  

Like all tag words and movements, shit gets blown out of proportion and the next thing you know people are wearing vaginas on their heads.

I do believe in Women's rights.  I want equal pay, and equal opportunities.  I want to be able to work in a job where men are not complete condescending, misogynist assholes.  The latter being mostly unachievable as I work in a male dominated profession.  But I digress...

So....all that being said, Let's talk about Abortion.

So you want to invite a man into your bed, and fuck his brains out, without a condom, and then when you get pregnant, it's YOUR decision what happens next.  I see.  So, men have NO rights?

It doesn't work that way.  If you decide to have an abortion without the consent of the father, I think  he should be able to charge you with homicide.  

I believe in a woman's right to have an abortion.  I stand by it fully. There are many circumstances where the man does not want the baby, (which is a discussion you both should have).  It is not only your right, but your moral responsibility to make that decision together.  But if the guy wants the child and you don't?  You have an abortion anyway?

The hypocrisy here, is that if you do give birth, you expect the father to financially support the child, and become a loving father.  Huh?  Again, men have no rights?  

MY BODY, MY DECISION. (rolling my eyes)

You go own that body girl.  Get tatts.  Be an athlete.  Remove rib bones, or gain 500 lbs.   But nothing will ever change the fact, that if you become pregnant, of your own free will, there is someone else's DNA attached to that baby.  

Chew on that folks.

Customer Service?

You know, I know I'm not super nice all the time.  I have my limits.  However, I do try to be nice most of the time.  Sometimes, I can walk away and not say anything, but more often than not, I speak my mind.

People are rude.  Rude and mean.  Rude and mean and stupid. 

I hear a lot of the younger generation complaining about being treated poorly in customer service jobs.  Guess what?  It is because you don't know what the fuck you are doing.  I can't tell you how many times I have encountered shitty customer service over the years.  It just keeps getting WORSE!

Look, I get it.  Most things are out of your control, and its not your fault the systems in place aren't efficient or effective.  However, there are things within your control that can mitigate ANY situation that you refuse to acknowledge. 

Without further adieu...Mav's Guide to Customer Service. 

1.  Fucking smile.  If I walk up to you and you aren't smiling, I'm going to assume you hate your job, and you have lost the battle already.  Unless you shoved the tampon up the wrong fucking hole, smile.  This tiny action alone will make your day go smoothly, and eradicate most assholes out of the gate. 
     No one should have to tell you to smile.  That is customer service. 

2.  Listen.  You should be an active listener.  If you suck at this, you can successfully learn.  Learning starts with getting the fuck over yourself.  I know no one really wants to work in customer service, but if you have to, you need to listen.  Every time you have a preconceived notion of what your customer wants, you fail.  Listen.  Practice active listening. 
     Go to a mall, sit you ass down, and just listen.  Listen to conversations.  Learn to block out the unnecessary and listen.  Whatever it is you need to say is secondary to what your customer needs.

3.  Drop the Fucking ATTITUDE.  If I encounter a customer service rep with a hand on a hip or a roll of the eyes, you will hear from me.  Ask around.  I will call you out!  We all have to work.  We get it, it sucks.  But I feel your attitude before we speak, you are going to get it back, and you will LOSE. 

4.  Work like your life depends on it.  Work ethic goes a long way, not only with me, but with your employer.  We notice shit.  It doesn't matter if you make $5/hr or $25/hr......you work your ass off.  As you move on, you might need a reference, and if you are serving me, you will get a tip, no matter if you are a waitress, or just busting ass at RiteAid.  People notice these things. 

5.  The customer is always right.  I know this younger generation doesn't get this, but its true.  Sometimes you have to bite your lip and take it.  If you can't handle that, find another job.  Obviously you don't have to take abuse, but most of the time, people just need to be heard.  It is your job to hear it. 

I have worked many customer service jobs over the years, and If I acted like you, I would have been fired.  Just done. 

Ok kids...Now that  you know the basics...knock  off your shit and do your job. 

For the Thrill of it All....

There is no clearer evidence that common sense isn't prevalent in this country as the recent deaths of two children on the Oregon Coast.  

     In case you haven't heard, two children recently lost their lives in the deadly waters of the  Mighty Pacific.  Why?  Because their father made a horrific decision to challenge the ocean.  

     Every year thousands of people, mostly adults, make decisions that result in their death, or injury.  Thrill seekers, "outdoor enthusiasts" like hikers and skiers and naturalists put themselves in situations that no matter how prepared, could result in their death.  

     Did you know that almost every town down the Pacific Coast has an established "surf rescue" team?  Who pays for that?  

     Often times our National Guard and Coast Guard are called on to perform rescues for those that disregard common sense.  Who pays for that?

     While there are many volunteer organizations that can assemble on a moments notice, should they be called to rescue those that took the risk?

     I propose that our Law Enforcement, Firemen, Military, and volunteer organizations have plenty to do without scrambling to rescue some dip shit that thought they were bigger than the elements.

     Maybe our science classes are failing on educating people on the dangers of "nature".  I was very young when I was made aware that gambling with the elements had consequences.  So why does this keep happening.? I cannot be the only one that knows this.

     We are currently 13 days into 2020 and have already lost 3 to the Ocean in Oregon.  NO data on near misses, but I would bet anything they have occurred.  These are not boat related accidents.  These are strictly beach related to sneaker waves, high surf, and rip currents.  

     I will NOT listen to, "well maybe they didn't know" or other varieties of this ridiculous excuse.  I don't care if you have been landlocked your entire life and it's your first time seeing the ocean!  There are signs, and news stories, and then there is....COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

     Being picked off the rocks when the tide comes in?  Are there people unaware that tides occur?  Went hiking and got lost.  Well, my dear, perhaps you should have taken a guide or just stayed in a campground.  Climbing mountains to prove something to yourself?  Great.  If you die, you proved something.  You cannot do it.  My most immense irritation in this category is clearly the ocean.  I see folks everyday playing games with Ocean.  I talk to many...and guess what?  Most of the time I get blow back.  "We know what we are doing."  "You are over exaggerating."  "Mind your own fucking business."  Ok.  see you at your funeral.

     I'm sad for the loss of life, obviously, but when it can be prevented, and you know better....you won't find sympathy from me.  I am more upset about the resources you used up so someone could bail your dumb ass out of the situation.

     The father that survived that lost his two children in the surf.  I'll bet he wishes he was dead.  I would.  The decision he made was fatal, and tragic, and COMPLETELY illogical.  I understand that this is now under investigation, and that is EXACTLY what should happen.

     So many don't think about the consequences of their behavior, and that is exactly what is wrong with people in this country.  People talking smack, living a life of of wants and not realizing that every choice, every behavior, has a consequence.

     I know full well I will get a shit ton of criticism for this post.  I'm ready to take it and defend it.  Seriously, prove me wrong.

Bottom line, the lack of common sense and responsibility in this country is so overwhelming, that it has put many in precarious positions.  Next time you call for the police, and they don't come, don't bitch about it.  They are risking their own lives to save some idiot from the surf.  If a crab boat needs the Coast Guard, and they aren't immediately at your disposal, too bad.  They are rescuing people from the coast that made a really bad decision.
     
     This ridiculousness did not occur when I was a kid.  So many people would have spoke out and made sure this wasn't the norm.  Now the public outcry is so prevalent, that you can't even criticize the dumb.  

     Our Public Servants have well enough to worry about, without coming to the aid of those that take calculated risks with mother nature.  

Go Pack Go

In front of tomorrow and the Seahawks v. Packers, I just wanted to say a few things about a topic close to my heart, and vicinity.

It is quite possible that the Seahawks are the most hated organization in the NFL. 

While it is true there are many rivalries in the NFL, it seems that the Bitch Pigeons have taken on the role of the team that so many love to hate. 

And here, In my humble opinion, are the reasons why....in no particular order

#1.  Pete Carrol.  Dude is a pedophile looking, gum chewing, shit play calling piece of dung.  He tries to act like he's part of the team, but it is apparent he is just there to stimulate the media.  I am fairly sure he is just posing as a coach while waiting for some elite new bubble gum company to pay him to endorse their product.
     He has a history of shitty play calling, and acts like an excited teenager getting the chance to hold Russell Wilson's jock strap. He's just a JC dropout with little man syndrome.

#2,  The talent.  While I cannot deny that some players on Hawks have and or had talent, most are uneducated cocky punks.  I would be fucking embarrassed to have Least Mode on my team.  Their overall lack of respect for the game, the fans, and the sportsmanship overall is pathetic.  They just have no class.  Too bad Russell Wilson has to play with a bunch of thugs.

#3.  The Fans.  Please understand, I know some that love the game of football, and know the Seahawks.  However, the majority of the fan base has no clue what the rules are, who the players are, (unless that jersey is on sale), or the history of the organization.  They are rude, ignorant, combative, and intolerant of other fans.  also....BANDWAGON.

#4. THE FUCKING WHINING.  It's like no other I have ever seen in my life.  And this includes the long time fans.  It is no secret the NFL has some work to do when it comes to officiating...across the board, but my God the Seachicken fans can't and or won't let things go.  Every down, every god damned play bitching about missed calls, overturned calls, red flags,  and yellow ones too.  News flash, even the Bitch pigeons make mistakes.  As do ALL human, referees included.  Let it go.

and finally...

#5.  The City of Seattle.  One of, if not the most, Libertarded cities in the country.  Leaders that can't manage their way out of a wet paper bag wearing "12" jerseys trying  to be "relatable".  Man buns and coffee stands on every corner.  Elitist bikers that think they own the streets.  NO Rainier Beer!  The Kale, vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, jicama eating enthusiasts and their restaurants.  Traffic is a fucking nightmare, and you have to sell your children to afford a "decent" place to live.  Also, paper straws.  I could literally go on and on.  Seattle has some beautiful sights and landmarks, but its a shit hole of leftist thinking ingrained in concrete.

I like Russell Wilson, a lot.  He is classy, smart, intuitive and fucking talented.  I wish he played somewhere else.  Truth is, if he leaves, the shittards are back to losing seasons, guaranteed.  I cannot and will not hate on Danger Russ. 

The Seahawks are the new Cowboys/Yankees/Lakers.  You either love them or hate them.  Congrats.

I don't know....You make the call.

What is the difference between a family from Mexico being detained at the border, and a family from Iran being detained at the airport?

     And...if you don't want to detain either, what is your alternative solution to breaking the law?

     And if you think it isn't breaking the law, what other laws do we get to ignore? 

What is the difference between separating children from their parents at the border, and separating children from their parents that are in jail?

     You currently aren't outraged or give two shits about the children of the people incarcerated, so why so worried about children from another country?  And, if you don't like this, What are reasonable alternatives to keeping families together?  Jail or immigrant....any ideas?  Foster Care? (Broken)...Adoption?  (ridiculously expensive)

What is the difference between Law Enforcement Officers owning a firearm, and a plumber owning a firearm? Or, a hunter owning a firearm? 

     If you don't want firearms accessible to anyone, what is your alternative?  How will you protect yourself or your family?  Call the police?  Have you ever stopped and thought about the ratio of police officers to crimes, let alone citizens? 

     And....our police officers are currently being targeted by criminals, and the profession itself is having a hard time finding people to fill in the next generation of Law Enforcement.  What might be an alternative to that?  What if you call for help, and no one comes? 

What is the difference between a man that lies, and a woman that lies?

     There is no difference, and most of the time, you cannot tell that lies are being told.

Show me a distinction between your behavior, and the behavior of the President of the United States!  There is no measurable distinction because we are human, and doing whatever we can, to do the best that we can.  You jump right up on your righteousness and I will pull you right down.  You know as well as I do we all do things that aren't accepted by everyone.  I'll wait...go on.  The difference is, no one calls you out publicly...but I will.

     I guess I could sit behind a desk and look smug with a sign that reads, "Change My Mind", but that solves nothing.  It's also pointless, because, you can't. 

The only reason you cry and whine about any one of the above and not the other, is because of the morally defunct and unaccountable media that has shoved so much bullshit up  your ass.  We live in a time where information is at our fingertips, and yet, so many refuse to dig for the truth. 

My truth isn't your truth, and vice versa.  But there are undeniable facts that people won't acknowledge because they need to be right. 

     Putrid terms are being tossed around like baseballs.  Terms like Nazi, terrorist, concentration camp, racists, and traitor, just to name a few.  This is a gross misrepresentation of what is happening in this country.  How dare any of you equate what is happening today to the tyranny  that happened under the rule of Hitler. 

On an educational note:..All of this information is easily obtained.  Knowledge is key. 

     You see, what I do, is research.  And while I am nowhere near the smartest person alive, I do my due diligence.  I always try to see the other side.  I think that is my responsibility as a human. 

    The last two days I have read, and read, and read about the National Socialist Workers' Party and the period between 1933-1945.  In other words...Fascism.  You can look that word up, but what I do know, is that we live in a fucking democracy.  There is no fascism here.  There may be fascists...but not in power.  We also live in the greatest country on earth.  If you disagree with that, then why are you here?

     Also to be considered, while on the topic, is that we have a Constitution, a  Bill of Rights, and government outlined with checks and balances.  If you do not know this, your education has failed you.  But, back to my point.....

     Our elected officials at the national level are corrupt and you know it.  We have longed for someone to stand up for the American people, and we finally  have one.  Not a politician, A wealthy American business man that said, enough.  Successful in his own right, he is now making strides to get rid of all the bullshit politicians, and regain our role as the greatest nation on the planet.  Again, if you have an alternative solution, I am willing to listen.  But there is no one candidate on the Democratic Ticket that is worth a shit.  (my opinion)...Again, willing to listen. 

     I try everyday to live up to my moral code.  Obviously, I cannot achieve what I believe to be what is right all the time.  You know why?  Emotion.  You know why you can't?  Emotion. 

So let's take the media, and your emotions out of all the political hot points right now.  Let us embark on a journey to use your own mind,  do your own research, and validate your own thinking.

     I am a realist.  Present realistic solutions, to realistic problems, and then we will talk.  If you do not have realistic solutions, it is ok.  But what isn't ok is using disgustingly degrading terms and raging hate to destroy my country.  The fear and hatred the media and the left are creating is sickening, and complete and utter bullshit. 

You do realize that Mr. Trump is the first sitting President to set foot on North Korean soil?  He also was able to have the remains of many soldiers sent back to America.  He donates his salary, has been a champion for law enforcement and the military, and has corrected bullshit trade deals that had been crippling the economy in America for far too long.  He did all this to put his country first.  And still, you can't get over the fact that he is crass?  He isn't a politician.  He is a shrewd businessman that is doing his job.  The job we elected him to do.

So, before you stand in judgment of our President, try this.  Clean up your own shit.  Come up with alternative methods to create change, participate in society with hope, and know that your flaws can be exploited just like his.  Difference is, he stood up to create change when he DID NOT HAVE TO.  You didn't. 

I Have Had Enough

I am so sick of people and the way they discard other humans as trash.  Humans are not trash. They are someones family.  They have blood running through their veins.  What in the world is wrong with you?

So now, here is the truth.  Not opinion, but facts.  Facts that matter. 

Mental Illness is real.  Abuse is real.  Addiction is a disease.  You can spout and spew all you want about people making choices, but the fact is, if you haven't been where we have been, then shut your fucking mouth.

I have all 3.  And right now, I am indeed, technically homeless.  All I have is my mind, my heart, and my truck.  I have zero dollars, and no job.  My mind is so messed up that I can't leave the house most days.  My last net has been used, and I am trying hard to crawl out of this mess, but understand, this mess I have, you will NEVER understand.

Ok then, I will tell you my story, but just the worst parts.  Then you can stand in fucking judgment, and roll your eyes.

After my dad died when I was 5, my mother was quickly in another relationship with a prick.  The next 5 years of my life I was molested more than you could even fathom.  The boyfriend, his relatives, baby sitters, my own brothers, and their friends, and their friends.  Friends of my moms, and friends of theirs.  So shut the fuck up.  You have no idea how hard that is to bury and move along life with a smile on your face.

Yes, I told someone,  And this is what I heard.  "You will do anything to get attention, won't you?"  Yeah...judge that you assholes.  So until I was able to get away from the situation, It continued, as did my fear, and hatred of myself, the loneliness, and the betrayal. 

I think I was in the 7th grade when I started drinking.  It was just binging back then.  I didn't enjoy it, but it was my escape.  Unfortunately, not knowing better, that escape led to more sexual assaults. 

Did your parents friends ever give you whiskey in the 8th grade so they could fuck you?  Yeah, I didn't think so. 

I spent a large part of my youth running from the truth and trying to bury shit.  My pattern of bad choices and running got me into some pretty horrific situations.  As you might imagine, hiding the pain, and the mental illness was not easy.  So I became a smart ass.  A defense mechanism used by many to escape and put out the perception that we are ok.  I am not ok.  Not then, and  not now.

I have been raped twice as an adult, and put up with more shit that you could fathom because I have patterns, and I don't like myself.  I have been in mentally and physically abusive relationships most of my life because I am not well.  I did have one shot at a great relationship, but I fucked it up.  This was long before I was willing to admit that I was NOT ok.

So from abuse, comes addiction.  Alcohol is my weapon of choice.   Anything to forget.  I have been on anti-depressants for many years, but they don't make anything better, especially because I drink.  I know it sounds stupid, and I am an intelligent woman, but when you are trying to run from something, you will do anything to forget.  So yes, I am an alcoholic.  Part of trying to forget is forgetting who you are.  When you don't like yourself, you will do anything to forget.  Even for a few hours, an escape is a vacation. 

I have tried to commit suicide twice.  I even failed at that.  Truth is, I am not afraid to die.  Some days I think it would be a blessing.  I yearn for hope.  I want to see kids succeeding and being happy and healthy.  I want to see good things happen for people, but the truth is, I can't see hope for myself. I spent several days in a "facility".  And it was just that, a facility.  They let me walk out like nothing happened.  I was asked to put a safety plan in action, and keep in touch with those that meant most to me, but one by one...and day by day...that ended too.

A lot of my friends and acquaintances think I am strong and some sort of kick ass woman.  I am not.  I am a survivor doing anything I can to survive.  I do what I can to lift others up, and be a spark someone needs, but I just cannot spark myself.

Currently, no one in my family is speaking to me. Not even my own kid. This is a normal pattern with mental illness and addiction.  One by one, you give up, because you can't help what you won't acknowledge or understand.  I know from my education and personal experience, that the one most important part of fighting addiction is a support network.  Ya see where I am going here?  So it gets harder every day to fight....when everyone gives up on you.  You see no value in your own life, so you shrug and move forward. 

I understand why people turn on us.  It is a lot.  But what happened to love?  Unconditional love.  I can manage it, and you can't?  Because I'm broken?  I just lost a good friend of many years because I'm too much drama and pain.  Thanks.

I had to raise myself.  Aside from the abuse and addiction, the family unit has been shattered as well.  After my dad passed at the age of 5, my mom said fuck it.  Maybe some of you reading this don't realize, but when I was 16, my mom moved out of the house.  She told me she had raised her boys and I was on my own.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  I am tired of keeping secrets that hurt me. 

I made it though....and I have made it for a long time.  The realization is, that not all people are as strong as I pretend to be.  I fully understand shoving a needle in your arm to escape reality.  I fully understand suicide.  We don't want to die to stop living, we are running from pain.  Death makes pain go away.  So you can swing all the suicide banners you want, but until you start understanding mental illness and addiction, it won't stop.

Stop screaming "get yourself some help"!  It is not easy, and people that are already dealing with a lifetime of pain, are not patient.  (insert that lack of support here).  I have worked in Social Services, and I know how ridiculous the system is.  If you want help, you have to jump through so many hoops that people give up. That is what we do. We give up.  The TRUTH is, unless you are pregnant or in jail, help is very hard to come by.  Stop pretending its as easy as being on Dr. Phil, because it is not.  That shit is expensive.  And even if you do get there, the TRUTH is, people relapse.  THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN ERASE YOUR PAST FROM YOUR BRAIN. 

When and if you do relapse, people turn on you harder than ever before.  Yay!  Good times.

Look around.  How many mental health facilities or rehabs do you see?  I'm waiting...

So every time you call a human a piece of trash, you are calling me a piece of trash.  Thanks.  Just because you can't relate to a person, doesn't mean they are trash.  Don't get me wrong, there are evil people in this world, but the facts are, addiction and mental illness have nothing to do with being lazy or stupid. 

We are trying to survive.  That is it.  We are trying to survive in a world that wants us to disappear. 

I hope this missive will help at least one person, but mostly I hope it will help you understand the cycle and how you must start at the bottom, and work backwards to help people.  The worst part of my days are when people tell me to just be happy, or get over it, or pull myself together.  What the fuck does that look like? 

This is my gift to you..Rhys Davis

I have put a lot of thought into what I might buy Rhys for a retirement present.  Knowing that his journey is taking him on the road, I suppose something simple like a gas card, or or gift card, or money would be best.  However, I find that impersonal, and way to practical a gift for a man that I care so much for.

So I have decided, my dear friend, to give you words.  It's all I really have of value that you might keep with you for the rest of your life.

When I met you, I could never have known what sort of journey that we would be making.  I also had no idea what sort of real character you had, or what an incredible asset that you would become to the community.  And this, your character and commitment to this community, is what I would like to address first.

This community owes you a lifetime of love and thanks.  While a tiny part of it was connected with your job, the rest of your selfless service all came from that gigantic heart of yours.  While others were complaining about living in this community, you were doing all you could to make sure the lives of harborites became enriched and enlightened.

Myself no exception, the community time and again asked you to participate in countless events.  I honestly don't remember a time you said no.  Hundreds if not thousands of times you were called upon to emcee or be an auctioneer.  And you did...and you didn't complain.  No matter how big or small the event, there you were.  Thank you, Rhys.  Thank you for always being there.

So much more.  So very much more.  You graciously married folks, with no expectation of payment or accolades.  You read to grade school children many times, and smiled while doing it.  Your presence/ and or even just your voice has made such a huge impact on this community.  It was always reflected every year as the people of this community made sure you were elected the favorite radio personality in Grays Harbor County.

Rhys, you are also a very generous man.  While living "high on the hog" making DJ wages, (lol)..you always made sure your friends and family never went without.  Giving without thought just to make sure people were ok.  Just another exceptional quality that you bestow, and hopefully have inspired in others.

So many would wake up to hear your voice to begin their day. The area youth loved to hear you tell them that there would be no school today, or hear you announce their birthdays on the radio.  People will deny it, but most of the folks around here will say that they know you, and think of you as a part of their family.

I believe in my heart, that you unknowingly instilled a sense of family in our community.  Thank you.

I can talk about what you mean to the community for hours.  Just this past month the people approaching you saying Thanks and wishing you well in the future should remind you of the outstanding difference you have made during your career here.

And I would be remiss, If I didn't mention, sharing you with thousands wasn't easy, and made me jealous often.

I will always laugh at the story about how we met, and you telling everyone that I stalked you all the way to Palm Springs.  I will never forget watching games at your house, crying on your shoulder, laughing my butt off with you, or even just plain talking.  You don't run across too many people in your life that you can count on, like I can you.

I appreciate you telling me the truth when I needed to hear it.  I appreciate your arm around me, when I needed to feel it.  I appreciate your friendship, and your love.  Texts, phone calls, .....all memories I will cherish.

Dear man, I wish you well.  I hope your journey gives back to you tenfold what you have given to all of us.

Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him.  --Scottish Proverb.

Good Luck,

Sincerely, Me and Grays Harbor.

Dear Everyone: Here is your Christmas Card.

Ah 2014.  Winding down and coming to a close.  Things you have taught me.  Let us reflect.

Well Lyd and I survived 2013 just barely.  After I got out of the nuthouse, and moved to the beach, life started slowly getting better.  I gotta give a shout out to my kid here.  She stuck by me when she didn't have to.  Many times she walked me away from a situation where I froze and broke down.  My kid is strong, and she made me stronger.  All that time dealing with PTSD, and all I wanted was to find was a lesson in all of it for her.  OH there were lessons....for both of us.

Lesson one:  Don't get raped.
Lesson two:  Don't take your own life.
Lesson three:  heal.

I laugh as I write that.  I can look back and laugh, and that shit is a win.  I/we are survivors.

I feel completely idiotic as I reflect.  My problems seem so little now.  It reminds me of an old boyfriend that fought the war in the middle east after 9-11.  He was a member of the British Military. I asked him when he was on leave what it was like to be there.  He laughed, uncontrollably as he recalled how he and his fellow soldiers laughed as the shrapnel flew and the sound was deafening.  It was surreal.  It was out of body. It was fucking scary.  I can't pretend I know what it's like to go to war, but I can totally relate to what it is like to feel that way.  Just doesn't seem real now.

And, now......I'm alive.  So alive.

So Lydia and I continue to struggle in our love lives.  This is the 20th year in a row that Jay Buhner hasn't called to tell me he divorced Leah and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  And...so I wait.  As for Lydia, after Kyle Seager signed his new contract, and flaunted the whole..."i have a wife bs."  she (we) have now set our sights on Corey Seager. (Kyle's little bro)  I think he will make a fine son in law.

I like Lyd's chances better than mine.


Lydia has had a really great year.  As most know, I am damned proud of her.  And here is why.  The kid is an excellent student and continues to amaze me in her journey for knowledge.  The best thing she has said to me all year is, "I actually hear your words coming out of my mouth mom."  Is there a greater honor?

She had a fine year playing fast pitch for HHS.  Being a 2nd baseman her entire career and getting moved to center-field was an adjustment.  But, like she always does, she worked her ass off and made all conference 2nd league the first year at her new position. And...her mom got honorable mention in the coaches meeting....sigh.

Her heart remains planted in Washington Thunder Country, where she plays many positions.  She has formed some unbelievable friendships and has some outstanding coaches.  It has transformed her into an even better person than she used to be.

And....that is really all that Lydia does....play ball.  Except for, volunteering at a food bank, hunting and killing a nice buck, attending and cheering for many sports at her school, attending her brothers events and games, and loving me and the rest of her family.

I have met some amazing people this year.  I have also met a lot of assholes.  I'm gonna say it's about a 60/40 split.  After coming out of hiding, I decided not to waste any time at all.  So, if you fall into either category, you already know.

I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't mention my parenting achievements in 2014.

We had two very awesome campouts/parties at our pad. The first one had me singing at the top of my lungs and showing Lydia the value of karaoke skills, not to mention which alcohols not to mix. The second of such events I had a more practical approach and showed my darling daughter how NOT to smoke weed.  I am quite sure I am in the running for parent of the year!  Don't forget to vote!

Other awesome happenings this year:   running out of gas twice, (slow learner i am), going on a date with a complete psycho that Lydia nearly shot, adopting a new wiener dog that hates me and loves the kid, adopting a cat that also hates me, Joshua Hibbard, getting and either quitting and or getting fired from 4 different jobs, and last but not least, discovering the deliciousness of a 7 Seas double IPA called Ballz Deep.

I hope this year kept you all well and happy.  We are well, and we are happy, and we are not buying stamps and envelopes and mailing this letter.  We have gone virtual.


So here is a virtual hug and kiss.  Goodbye 2014--forever.

Casi and Lydia

Welcome to our World: A few things....

Welcome to our World: A few things....: The past few weeks my brain has been in overdrive.  Many hot topics on the table...and so I give you this missive in early December....to po...

A few things....

The past few weeks my brain has been in overdrive.  Many hot topics on the table...and so I give you this missive in early December....to ponder...and enjoy.

While football season has me plagued with anxiety, and Nascar and baseball over, I find myself focusing on things that bring me stress, and or concern.  Not that I don't always care about many things, it's just now, my distractions are limited.

If you are not aware of my stance, or the person that I am...let me introduce myself.

I DO NOT belong to any political pudding.  I have  2-3 pounds of matter in my skull that I choose to lean on.  Ye 'Ole brain is there for the taking...and I choose to use it. I use it independently, of my own free will.

 Here is what I believe:

I believe in God, and I believe in Science.  I support capital punishment and same sex marriage/relationships.  I believe in a person's right to choose, man or woman.  I believe in the justice system, and I believe in equality.  I believe in a person's culture, and their right to participate in such. I practice common sense, and inexplicably follow my heart on occasion. I believe in intuition, and I believe humans,  no matter the circumstance, deserve the gift of NOT being judged by others.  Try to lump me into a category, I dare you.  (Not quite the Crash Davis speech)  lol

So that being said.....

Let's chat about Ferguson. ('merica)

Two things.  Unless you were there, shut up!  AND, unless you have served the public with a weapon on your hip, you do not get to have an opinion.  Done.  Not everything that happens in this world is about race.  You would know this if you turned off the damned television.  You are being led to slaughter by the media.

Personal accountability.

I am choosing NOT to throw statistical truths at you.  I mostly don't rely on or believe in statistical data, but when numbers are the marker, statistics become truth. Math is a constant, period. Besides, it's all public information, and if you choose to look it up, take a gander at the crime numbers, and pay close attention to the race.  You wanna make shit about race.  Let's talk about prisons and violent crime.  Now shut up.

Young black males aren't the only people in this world that are being stereotyped.  What pops into your mind when a Native American has a drink in his or her hand.  What might you be thinking when you see a fat girl eating at a buffet.  Probably just shrug and smile politely when you see an Hispanic woman with 7 kids in tow.  Maybe you don't bat an eye when you see an elderly person driving 40mph on the freeway.  Hows about a young male from just outside of town with a confederate flag in the back window of his 4 wheel drive.  It's all relative, and it's none of your fucking business.

The 2nd Amendment

I own guns...I carry weapons, and I believe in an Americans right to do so.  Limiting access to them tramples on the constitution of this country.  Most people are responsible gun owners.  Criminals will always be criminals, and they will find a weapon no matter what law you put into effect.  Where exactly are you going to draw the line on this issue?  Maybe spend all that time and money on protecting citizens while strengthening law enforcement, and quit treating gun owners like criminals. Perhaps we are headed for a revolution, or perhaps we should bring back vigilantes. I don't know, but what I do know is this:  Shitting on the constitution is wrong, and opening doors for political powerhouses to whittle  the amendments away is democratic suicide.

Next time you are out in public, and see a representative of the armed forces in your presence. -- Kick them in the nuts.  It's the same as voting these ridiculous laws into being.  I can only imagine what someone that has been shot at oversees thinks of your disregard for our freedoms.

My next topic is passion.  

I get the outpouring for young lives lost.  I get the outcry for what some perceive as senseless murders.  It's emotion.  Passion for a cause.  I got a great taste of this when I was a student at The Evergreen State College.  And what I said then, I believe in still.  You can piss and moan all you want.  Shout obscenities at the government.  Flip off the cops.  Burn a flag.   Meanwhile, the world keeps moving.

Emotion will never change laws.  In fact, it's more for your release of angst than any sort of step in the right direction.  This notion of one person making a difference starts with personal accountability and logic.  Emotion and Logic don't dance in the same building.

I am a beacon of passion.  It has plagued me for years.  I am wildly misunderstood because of it.  A few  people in my life get it, but most think I'm a ticking time bomb.  I admit, that I can be, Anyone can be.  The difference is, once my fuse burns, I'm ready to sit down and logically and intelligently discuss solutions, rather than continue to tread water.

Which brings me to my last topic.  Compromise

Nothing is ever going to change in this county, state, or country until people realize that they can't have it all their way.  You hear a lot of people bullshitting about reaching across the aisle.  Why should we expect elected officials to do it if we can't even do it ourselves?  Conversations have to change.  Instead of demanding change for what WE need, listen to what others need too, and find a compromise that both can live with.

I believe that things could change if we adopted this new way of thinking.  But, as Americans, we are raised with a feeling of superiority and entitled assholes are breeding entitled assholes to make baby entitled assholes.

There is no one person in this world that deserves more than the next.  Make personal accountability your mantra.  It is ALL that you can do.

Living the Dream. Sorta

I have been very public and honest with my journey this past year or so.  I know that most of the  people that call me "friend" know how the struggle has empowered and or injured me in a plethora of ways.  Self reflection currently has me a bit angry, and here is why.....

I needed to make a decision earlier this spring about what I would do next.  While the time came much sooner than I would have liked, it still forced me into making decisions.   I thought at length about my family, work history, my education, and my life goals.  It whirled into one easy peasy pod of enlightenment.  I just simply wanted to work.  Just work.

Living at the beach I decided that customer service was most prevalent, and being outgoing, I decided that yes, I could work with the public, as long as I didn't have to care about them.

Ocean Shores is a tourist town.  A tourist town that is (mis) managed by an elderly generation that doesn't blend well with neither the business owner nor the tourist.  It's true.  Argue if you must, but if most people here had their way, there would be a dome over this village where an epic, yet pathetic, fight to the death "Octogenarian Olympiad" would ensue until the last deer went unfed, and the last bass in the lake went belly up.  It's just screwed up, just like most small towns.  Despite the bass ackwards politics and the pointless meetings, it's my home, and I can walk to the beach and smile....so I stay....and I work....

And there it is.....Customer Service in Ocean Shores.  Of all the soul searching and self reflection and battles that I have encountered over the last year, I had no idea that taking a new career path would be so crap-hazardly sad.

I have been blessed for the lion's share of my life with affluence.  And while I didn't know it in the moment, it made me blind to struggle.  Money struggles anywho.  I have never really wanted for anything.  At a young age I learned a trade and that took me places that most people only dream of.  Most people that work customer service that is.

It's a forgotten art.  An under-appreciated living that is hard work.  I am known for criticizing the customer service in this area.  I was raised a different way I suppose.  But now in the thick of it, I wonder, maybe this is why people that work customer service don't give a shit. Maybe now I know exactly why, they don't put their all into it.

I am smack in the middle of poverty folks.  I work for minimum wage, and rely on tips to make ends meet.  I am lucky.  Many who work in customer service for minimum (minimal) wage, don't get tips.  And so it goes....

Employers that rely on customer service employees assume a lot.  They assume that people that work in customer service have no skills, no education, and no brain. Mostly, this is not true.  Mostly, these people work so hard they don't know any other way.  But, mostly, they struggle.  And most have to work two jobs to pay the bills.  Atrocious.

It is also true that NONE of the customer service workers get full time work.  NO full time equals no insurance, and no outside chance of overtime.

You can spout all your survival of the species bullshit you want. Take inventory.  How do you JUDGE customer service workers?

It is my humble assertion that no one of us is more important than the next.  I have reason to shout loudly now, that I stand in a minority in this thought.  I am now shit on someones shoes, and let me tell you , it sho don't feel very guud.

The honest truth is, I won't stay in this party.  I have options.  It's a tragedy equivalent to something Shakey might have written.  Why?  I frickin love my job.  I love working with the public.  Mostly I love working with people and walking away.  I have never felt so strongly about making a difference in people's lives.  And yet,.....I can't stay.  I won't stay.  I won't sacrifice my integrity ......like many others have to.

Legions of my colleagues don't have the option.  They will stay, and they will suffer.  They will work their asses off their entire lives and find that most folks, while looking down their nose at them, don't give a shit.

I give a shit.  You should too.

I am a single mother.  I work my ass off to barely make it.  And, although this is happening to me for the first time in my life, by choice, many have no choice, and have been doing this forever.  Is it fair?

Do you feel like those who work in customer service are deserving of poverty?

Check yourself.  Next time you are out, and about, and someone serving you is in your circle, please remember.....Not everyone in customer service has a choice.  However, they all have families and lives.

Happy Thanksgiving.

It isn't all about the Base.....no more baseline

A little over a year has past.

NO more financial support.  NO more psychiatric support.  Only a year's time to nurture my mind.

When the one year mark passed, I reflected quietly and told myself that life just has to move on.  Of course it has, and I have had a few realizations is the continuum of time.


That girl/woman/mom is gone.  I will never be the same again.  I am ok with this.  I suppose others won't, and I will gravitate towards others that will accept me as I am.  I talked to Lydia, my daughter, about this, and she is fine with it, so she says.  I worry what sort of impact this may have on her life.  I want her to see me strong and able, and not vulnerable.  I'm failing.

I prefer the comfort of my home and animals.  I love nothing more than a chat with the kid, and dinner at home.  I simply don't want to be a social butterfly, let alone meet and greet folks on a daily basis.

Drama, stress, and responsibility for others lives are triggers for me, and I refuse to participate in any of it.

Strangely enough, I have chosen to enter the customer service world.  It seems I still am interested in people, and love to talk to them, just don't want to make a personal connection with them, ever.  It works for me right now.

I cry inside every day.  I suppose a mini pity party.  It has made me hard, and more aware than I have ever been in my life.  People suck overall, which I am sure everyone knows and  I look forward to the day when this rock we inhabit gives up and we dissolve away from worry and angst.

So I pray.

I skip day to day thinking I am better.  Then I find my daughter walking me away from some stillness in time.  Never knowing when the PTSD might surface is fucking awesome.  The good news -- I'm grateful for a daughter that understands more than most people my age.  If you take anything from my words, remember that one does not simply "get better" from a rape, or from any traumatic event.

The purpose of this missive is twofold.  I sincerely want to tell my dear friends that even though I don't make an effort to make appearances, I still hold you all in my heart and love you dearly.  I've thought a lot about how wrong it is to isolate myself, but I'm allowing it, because I can.  For those of you that continue to contact me, and love me despite my estranged situation, THANK YOU.  so there is that.....

More importantly, I wanted you all to learn along with me.  Even though I'm hiding, and doing the best I can, I have learned what NOT to do as a friend to someone who is struggling.  Don't treat people differently.  Hugs and people heal.  If your friend chooses isolation, go to them. That doesn't have to mean literally.  Pretending that you are helping by giving them space does not help. Dropping a line via email, a text, even a reference to your friendship in a conversation sometimes is enough to just help someone make it through the day.  Depending on your level of friendship, react accordingly. 

Everyday I hope for the best.  I have my daughter, and my dogs, and my family and my friends.  I love my house at the beach, and the comfort it brings me.  

Finally, I want you all to know that help is available.  If it wasn't for the many resources available, I probably would not be here writing this.  

And in other news:...anyone want a cat?

My Ocean.

I realized today that I am in the middle of an amazing love affair.  I'm giddy.

I tried to deny it, and keep it all in perspective, but anyone that knows me is aware that just isn't my strong suit.  My heart resides on my sleeve.  Some say it makes me who I am.  Some says it's my biggest weakness.  I choose to not define it.  I can only be who I am.

I try to be with my love each day.  Occasionally, time doesn't allow.  I don't feel whole on these days.  However, it's easy to put myself back in the arms of my loved one, even if we can't physically touch.

She has no idea how much I love her.  She has no idea how much anyone loves her.  She just does her thing and does it well.  No one will ever be able to match the majesty that she can create.  She is AWESOME.

It's unfortunate that I have to share her.  I want to be selfish, and make her all mine.  Alas, it's not allowed.  So I make the most of the time I have, and cherish the moments that nurture my heart.

Sometimes I can stay with her for hours.  I am spoiled in that respect.  Even though I am not alone with her, I feel like she is the only one in my soul.

I can sit for hours and just listen to her.  I don't have to see her...but just hear her.  It's a sweet song of love and commitment that no one else is the universe can match. It frees me,  A melody that can be as gentle as plush, and as harsh as a firestorm.  Either way, I feel mesmerized by the notes that only she can reach.

Under no circumstance does she fail me.  If I need her, she is there.  If I need to dream of her, she paints my dreams.  If I need a safe place, she cradles me.  When I need a friend, there is never a time she won't listen.  

She gives and gives and doesn't even know how much it means to me.  She never will.  I take and take, and she never complains.  Sometimes I feel guilty, but inside my heart I feel like she is OK, despite my shortcomings.  

The definition of perfection, there she is.

Sometimes I walk along and pretend the birds are playing a silly game with me.  I can't catch up, but I never care.  I suppose they don't either.

I meet so many amazing people on her shores, and she has no idea how much grace it takes to arrange such meetings, and want nothing in return.  

Canines endlessly run with smiles, nose to the ground, and never cease to greet me. I wish everyone could be that happy; as happy as an unleashed dog on the beach.  It's how I want to live my life.  But I can only do it on her shores.  

The mighty Pacific is the perfect lover.  

I have made many mistakes in my life.  Sometimes my judgement has been questioned and my motives maligned.  However,,,moving and residing mere moments from the shores of her belly is NOT one of them.  Happiness comes in many forms, mine lulls me to sleep.

Sleep well my love.

I can only imagine....

Yesterday, on Mother's Day, I had the honor of dining with my Grandmother.  She is 94.  She is amazing.

It really was an amazing time, and we hugged and laughed and cried.  I am lucky that my daughter has gotten to know her Great Grandmother, and learn from her as I have.

In the middle of our meal, time stood still, for about 8-9 seconds.  I couldn't move, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.  The simplest action.....

After a non significant bite, my Grandmother reached over and picked up my phone.  My iphone.

I couldn't speak because the view caught me off guard.  Here was this woman, who probably never imagined in her life that she would be where she is now, looking at a piece of technology that looked like a planet from another galaxy.  She didn't make a big deal of it, and her facial expression didn't change either.  She just looked.  She finally set it down, and I quickly quipped, "It's a camera too!"  Expressionless and without words, she picked up her fork and went back to eating.

I now hate my phone.  I hate that I carry it and rely so heavily on it's presence in my life.

Born in 1920, My Grandmother lived through an era that has seen not only an industrial revolution, but also a technological revolution.  Kicked out of her house at about 12 years of age, she has gone from making bread from scratch, to buying it in a store.  She washed her clothes by hand as a child, and now has the luxury of an automatic washing machine.  I pretend to understand.  But I can't.

I watched my grandmother wash tin foil and save it.  I have seen her reuse one box of ziploc bags over and over again.  She used to save every empty gallon of bleach and fill it with water and stow it away under the house.  We made ice cream by hand.  Hours of hanging clothes on the line, and tending a garden the size of what seemed like a city block.

Church on Sunday, Ravioli's on Christmas Eve, Family reunions, and fellowship.  Even after my Grandparents retired, they were philanthropic. Giving to those that needed, again and again.

She literally was in LOVE with my Grandfather, and vice versa.  They had hard times but always told me that they never went to bed mad.

She canned everything, and could cook the shit out of anything!  Going out to eat was a very rare luxury.  Always sitting down for a meal, table set to the nines.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

They saved their money.  They tithed. They spent responsibly and borrowed responsibly.

They had the same phone and the same phone number for as long as I can remember.  

My grandmother has no idea what WI-FI is.  And, she doesn't care.  Hasn't a clue what an xbox is, or how cell phones work.  It's just not important to her.  Why is it so important to me?

I could make a lot of excuses for why I have a cell phone, and all the luxuries that she never had, but the truth is, I'm lazy.  WE are all lazy.  Everything she had to work so hard for, are now at our fingertips.  It cost more, it's worse for us, but we still take the easier route.  I know how to make bread.  But I don't.  It would be cheaper and save money to hang the clothes on the line,  but it's faster and easier to throw them in the dryer.  Ya see, my grandparents, YOUR grandparents were doing it right all along.  They saved and conserved when they didn't have to, and we NEED to, and don't.  

I have more respect for my Grandmother than any other person on the planet.  She went "Green" long before it was cool.  She recycled, She didn't worry about GMO's or fighting to have them removed.  She grew and canned her own food.  Our grandparents did it right.  

And there she was, looking at my cellphone. My stupid iphone.  I think I will go bake a pie.  

To The Class of 2014

It's almost here.  It's time for you to spread your wings and leave the days of high school behind you. It's time for you to meet the world.  

The World, may not be ready to meet you.  In my 43 years I have learned a few things.  I find myself reflecting on my youth and saying, "Damn, I wish I had known that."  And now, I shall share my reflections with you.  

Good Luck to all of you.  It has been a pleasure watching you all grow into young adults.  Being on top in the Senior world probably has you thinking....I got this shit.  Yeah well....

Your tiny little world is about to explode.  NO matter if you go off to college, into the military, or right into a career.  An explosion is coming that you are NOT ready for.  The world out there has one mission, and that is to BREAK you.  You must NOT let it.

The following is a list of things recommended for survival, and you have 3 months to check everything off this list.

The day you graduate, take inventory of your circle.  Look your Mom or Dad, or Grandma or whoever, straight in the eye, and sincerely say thank you.  Tell them how you feel, and share your fears with them.  You owe this to yourself.  A discussion of monumental proportion will ensue.  Take notes.  They have been there.  Listen, and say thank you.

Sit down and write a list of things you wish to accomplish in the next 10 years. Stow it in a safe place, and leave it.  

Take mental inventory of where you live.  The next step in your life is apt to take you away from the safety of your comfort zone.  While you are soaking in the amazement of other regions of the planet, never forget the beauty and comfort of the area in which you were raised.  

Decide what you will and wont accept in your life.  This is a short list of very important things that mean the most to you.  This will be more important than you think.  In the years to come, you will be tested time and again to bend your judgement and value system.  Defining them now will help you stay the course.

Understand the word , "CULTURE"  Look it up if you have to.  Study it.  You were raised in a culture, and as time goes on, your will experience different perspectives to your own.  Unless you decide early on to understand instead of resist, life will be harder on you.

In the next 3 months, remind yourself that you live in a tiny section of the world.  Looking at things globally will  exponentially guide your successes.  Whether you are from a small town or a city, remember, there are billions of people on this planet.....and they deserve just as much as you do.

Apply for and get a credit card immediately.  Don't tell anyone you have it. Stow it in your wallet or purse and breathe easy knowing that you not only have something for emergencies, but you have also started building your credit that will help you later in life.  

Read and learn.  Suck in knowledge like you never have.  High School and all the elementary education you have received up to this point has been structured.  The curriculum is no different than any other school, and it also is just as bland and jaded as a person could fathom.  Rich guys in expensive suits have decided what you should and shouldn't learn.  Those boundaries are now gone, so go get it!

Have fun!  Being young is a privilege.  Don't waste a minute.  Enjoy people, and life, and explore!  Your youth will not last forever.  We are all dying slowly, don't squander it.

THERE IS NO RULE THAT SAYS YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN.

Being Reckless as a youngster will haunt you the rest of your life.  If making bad decisions and having a criminal record is on your agenda, take it off now.  Times have changed.  You  CANNOT leave your past behind you.  

Find your faith.  In the toughest of times, finding a center of peace will serve you best.  

Reach for the stars.  The world, as they say, really is your oyster.  What they don't tell you, is that you have to jump through hoops to get there.  Jump.  Jump and practice jumping.  There is no get rich quick scenario.  There is no straight line to get what you want.  Being flexible is necessary.

Be humble and philanthropic.  Understanding that we are all in this together will keep you grounded and centered, and even though that sounds like bullshit right now, as you get older, you will appreciate this. Give if you can, even if it's your time.

Time is going to fly by, make sure you take notice of the minutes.  The imprints people leave on you will linger, and sometime, when you are 40, you will suddenly remember....take notice.

Question everything.  The reality that you have been made to believe is not what it seems.  Ask questions.

Go live your lives young ones.  Be happy, and sad and busy and fun.  I want to know that your generation is going to make a difference.  You have to.  We need help.  We NEED change.  

After you throw your cap in the air.....get busy.  Life is moving at a pace that you can't beat.  

Congratulations.