Thankful

I've been thinking so incessantly about how much I have, and especially how much my daughter, Lydia, has. It's too much. Way too much.

I live in a town where people live under bridges, and children are hungry.

Trying to look for positives everyday is a challenge. I look to God for guidance, and try to understand why there is a barrier. Is it me? Is it them? Truth is, no one knows the exact why.

Even though the area where I reside is unusually high in homeless and drug addicted humans, there are still many of positives. So, does that make me an asshole for trying to remember the positives everyday?



I look to children, our youth, everyday to try to make sense of the world. It makes me long for the days when perhaps my brain wasn't ready to deal with all this shit. Still....it doesn't make me feel that much better.

I try to watch how my daughter conducts herself on a daily basis, and wonder if she worries about what I worry about. I wonder if she thinks how she might solve all these problems when she meets adulthood.

And then I'm reminded,....One day at a time. Maybe all the answers don't have to fall at my feet. Maybe I worry much more than I should. But if I don't worry, who will?



I can't feel guilty for trying to make sure my baby girl has more than I did. I can't feel guilty for watching her innocently enjoy youth. She has more than she can possibly wrap her tiny brain around, and today I'm saying that is ok.

I have compassion and love for mankind. I am a realist, and a humanist, which at times, makes me ache in my belly. I won't apologize for any of it. I can't. It's who I am.



Tomorrow may be another day, but today, is today. Heavy heart and all.....