My Ocean.

I realized today that I am in the middle of an amazing love affair.  I'm giddy.

I tried to deny it, and keep it all in perspective, but anyone that knows me is aware that just isn't my strong suit.  My heart resides on my sleeve.  Some say it makes me who I am.  Some says it's my biggest weakness.  I choose to not define it.  I can only be who I am.

I try to be with my love each day.  Occasionally, time doesn't allow.  I don't feel whole on these days.  However, it's easy to put myself back in the arms of my loved one, even if we can't physically touch.

She has no idea how much I love her.  She has no idea how much anyone loves her.  She just does her thing and does it well.  No one will ever be able to match the majesty that she can create.  She is AWESOME.

It's unfortunate that I have to share her.  I want to be selfish, and make her all mine.  Alas, it's not allowed.  So I make the most of the time I have, and cherish the moments that nurture my heart.

Sometimes I can stay with her for hours.  I am spoiled in that respect.  Even though I am not alone with her, I feel like she is the only one in my soul.

I can sit for hours and just listen to her.  I don't have to see her...but just hear her.  It's a sweet song of love and commitment that no one else is the universe can match. It frees me,  A melody that can be as gentle as plush, and as harsh as a firestorm.  Either way, I feel mesmerized by the notes that only she can reach.

Under no circumstance does she fail me.  If I need her, she is there.  If I need to dream of her, she paints my dreams.  If I need a safe place, she cradles me.  When I need a friend, there is never a time she won't listen.  

She gives and gives and doesn't even know how much it means to me.  She never will.  I take and take, and she never complains.  Sometimes I feel guilty, but inside my heart I feel like she is OK, despite my shortcomings.  

The definition of perfection, there she is.

Sometimes I walk along and pretend the birds are playing a silly game with me.  I can't catch up, but I never care.  I suppose they don't either.

I meet so many amazing people on her shores, and she has no idea how much grace it takes to arrange such meetings, and want nothing in return.  

Canines endlessly run with smiles, nose to the ground, and never cease to greet me. I wish everyone could be that happy; as happy as an unleashed dog on the beach.  It's how I want to live my life.  But I can only do it on her shores.  

The mighty Pacific is the perfect lover.  

I have made many mistakes in my life.  Sometimes my judgement has been questioned and my motives maligned.  However,,,moving and residing mere moments from the shores of her belly is NOT one of them.  Happiness comes in many forms, mine lulls me to sleep.

Sleep well my love.

I can only imagine....

Yesterday, on Mother's Day, I had the honor of dining with my Grandmother.  She is 94.  She is amazing.

It really was an amazing time, and we hugged and laughed and cried.  I am lucky that my daughter has gotten to know her Great Grandmother, and learn from her as I have.

In the middle of our meal, time stood still, for about 8-9 seconds.  I couldn't move, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.  The simplest action.....

After a non significant bite, my Grandmother reached over and picked up my phone.  My iphone.

I couldn't speak because the view caught me off guard.  Here was this woman, who probably never imagined in her life that she would be where she is now, looking at a piece of technology that looked like a planet from another galaxy.  She didn't make a big deal of it, and her facial expression didn't change either.  She just looked.  She finally set it down, and I quickly quipped, "It's a camera too!"  Expressionless and without words, she picked up her fork and went back to eating.

I now hate my phone.  I hate that I carry it and rely so heavily on it's presence in my life.

Born in 1920, My Grandmother lived through an era that has seen not only an industrial revolution, but also a technological revolution.  Kicked out of her house at about 12 years of age, she has gone from making bread from scratch, to buying it in a store.  She washed her clothes by hand as a child, and now has the luxury of an automatic washing machine.  I pretend to understand.  But I can't.

I watched my grandmother wash tin foil and save it.  I have seen her reuse one box of ziploc bags over and over again.  She used to save every empty gallon of bleach and fill it with water and stow it away under the house.  We made ice cream by hand.  Hours of hanging clothes on the line, and tending a garden the size of what seemed like a city block.

Church on Sunday, Ravioli's on Christmas Eve, Family reunions, and fellowship.  Even after my Grandparents retired, they were philanthropic. Giving to those that needed, again and again.

She literally was in LOVE with my Grandfather, and vice versa.  They had hard times but always told me that they never went to bed mad.

She canned everything, and could cook the shit out of anything!  Going out to eat was a very rare luxury.  Always sitting down for a meal, table set to the nines.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

They saved their money.  They tithed. They spent responsibly and borrowed responsibly.

They had the same phone and the same phone number for as long as I can remember.  

My grandmother has no idea what WI-FI is.  And, she doesn't care.  Hasn't a clue what an xbox is, or how cell phones work.  It's just not important to her.  Why is it so important to me?

I could make a lot of excuses for why I have a cell phone, and all the luxuries that she never had, but the truth is, I'm lazy.  WE are all lazy.  Everything she had to work so hard for, are now at our fingertips.  It cost more, it's worse for us, but we still take the easier route.  I know how to make bread.  But I don't.  It would be cheaper and save money to hang the clothes on the line,  but it's faster and easier to throw them in the dryer.  Ya see, my grandparents, YOUR grandparents were doing it right all along.  They saved and conserved when they didn't have to, and we NEED to, and don't.  

I have more respect for my Grandmother than any other person on the planet.  She went "Green" long before it was cool.  She recycled, She didn't worry about GMO's or fighting to have them removed.  She grew and canned her own food.  Our grandparents did it right.  

And there she was, looking at my cellphone. My stupid iphone.  I think I will go bake a pie.  

To The Class of 2014

It's almost here.  It's time for you to spread your wings and leave the days of high school behind you. It's time for you to meet the world.  

The World, may not be ready to meet you.  In my 43 years I have learned a few things.  I find myself reflecting on my youth and saying, "Damn, I wish I had known that."  And now, I shall share my reflections with you.  

Good Luck to all of you.  It has been a pleasure watching you all grow into young adults.  Being on top in the Senior world probably has you thinking....I got this shit.  Yeah well....

Your tiny little world is about to explode.  NO matter if you go off to college, into the military, or right into a career.  An explosion is coming that you are NOT ready for.  The world out there has one mission, and that is to BREAK you.  You must NOT let it.

The following is a list of things recommended for survival, and you have 3 months to check everything off this list.

The day you graduate, take inventory of your circle.  Look your Mom or Dad, or Grandma or whoever, straight in the eye, and sincerely say thank you.  Tell them how you feel, and share your fears with them.  You owe this to yourself.  A discussion of monumental proportion will ensue.  Take notes.  They have been there.  Listen, and say thank you.

Sit down and write a list of things you wish to accomplish in the next 10 years. Stow it in a safe place, and leave it.  

Take mental inventory of where you live.  The next step in your life is apt to take you away from the safety of your comfort zone.  While you are soaking in the amazement of other regions of the planet, never forget the beauty and comfort of the area in which you were raised.  

Decide what you will and wont accept in your life.  This is a short list of very important things that mean the most to you.  This will be more important than you think.  In the years to come, you will be tested time and again to bend your judgement and value system.  Defining them now will help you stay the course.

Understand the word , "CULTURE"  Look it up if you have to.  Study it.  You were raised in a culture, and as time goes on, your will experience different perspectives to your own.  Unless you decide early on to understand instead of resist, life will be harder on you.

In the next 3 months, remind yourself that you live in a tiny section of the world.  Looking at things globally will  exponentially guide your successes.  Whether you are from a small town or a city, remember, there are billions of people on this planet.....and they deserve just as much as you do.

Apply for and get a credit card immediately.  Don't tell anyone you have it. Stow it in your wallet or purse and breathe easy knowing that you not only have something for emergencies, but you have also started building your credit that will help you later in life.  

Read and learn.  Suck in knowledge like you never have.  High School and all the elementary education you have received up to this point has been structured.  The curriculum is no different than any other school, and it also is just as bland and jaded as a person could fathom.  Rich guys in expensive suits have decided what you should and shouldn't learn.  Those boundaries are now gone, so go get it!

Have fun!  Being young is a privilege.  Don't waste a minute.  Enjoy people, and life, and explore!  Your youth will not last forever.  We are all dying slowly, don't squander it.

THERE IS NO RULE THAT SAYS YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN.

Being Reckless as a youngster will haunt you the rest of your life.  If making bad decisions and having a criminal record is on your agenda, take it off now.  Times have changed.  You  CANNOT leave your past behind you.  

Find your faith.  In the toughest of times, finding a center of peace will serve you best.  

Reach for the stars.  The world, as they say, really is your oyster.  What they don't tell you, is that you have to jump through hoops to get there.  Jump.  Jump and practice jumping.  There is no get rich quick scenario.  There is no straight line to get what you want.  Being flexible is necessary.

Be humble and philanthropic.  Understanding that we are all in this together will keep you grounded and centered, and even though that sounds like bullshit right now, as you get older, you will appreciate this. Give if you can, even if it's your time.

Time is going to fly by, make sure you take notice of the minutes.  The imprints people leave on you will linger, and sometime, when you are 40, you will suddenly remember....take notice.

Question everything.  The reality that you have been made to believe is not what it seems.  Ask questions.

Go live your lives young ones.  Be happy, and sad and busy and fun.  I want to know that your generation is going to make a difference.  You have to.  We need help.  We NEED change.  

After you throw your cap in the air.....get busy.  Life is moving at a pace that you can't beat.  

Congratulations.