Ah 2014. Winding down and coming to a close. Things you have taught me. Let us reflect.
Well Lyd and I survived 2013 just barely. After I got out of the nuthouse, and moved to the beach, life started slowly getting better. I gotta give a shout out to my kid here. She stuck by me when she didn't have to. Many times she walked me away from a situation where I froze and broke down. My kid is strong, and she made me stronger. All that time dealing with PTSD, and all I wanted was to find was a lesson in all of it for her. OH there were lessons....for both of us.
Lesson one: Don't get raped.
Lesson two: Don't take your own life.
Lesson three: heal.
I laugh as I write that. I can look back and laugh, and that shit is a win. I/we are survivors.
I feel completely idiotic as I reflect. My problems seem so little now. It reminds me of an old boyfriend that fought the war in the middle east after 9-11. He was a member of the British Military. I asked him when he was on leave what it was like to be there. He laughed, uncontrollably as he recalled how he and his fellow soldiers laughed as the shrapnel flew and the sound was deafening. It was surreal. It was out of body. It was fucking scary. I can't pretend I know what it's like to go to war, but I can totally relate to what it is like to feel that way. Just doesn't seem real now.
And, now......I'm alive. So alive.
So Lydia and I continue to struggle in our love lives. This is the 20th year in a row that Jay Buhner hasn't called to tell me he divorced Leah and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And...so I wait. As for Lydia, after Kyle Seager signed his new contract, and flaunted the whole..."i have a wife bs." she (we) have now set our sights on Corey Seager. (Kyle's little bro) I think he will make a fine son in law.
I like Lyd's chances better than mine.
Lydia has had a really great year. As most know, I am damned proud of her. And here is why. The kid is an excellent student and continues to amaze me in her journey for knowledge. The best thing she has said to me all year is, "I actually hear your words coming out of my mouth mom." Is there a greater honor?
She had a fine year playing fast pitch for HHS. Being a 2nd baseman her entire career and getting moved to center-field was an adjustment. But, like she always does, she worked her ass off and made all conference 2nd league the first year at her new position. And...her mom got honorable mention in the coaches meeting....sigh.
Her heart remains planted in Washington Thunder Country, where she plays many positions. She has formed some unbelievable friendships and has some outstanding coaches. It has transformed her into an even better person than she used to be.
And....that is really all that Lydia does....play ball. Except for, volunteering at a food bank, hunting and killing a nice buck, attending and cheering for many sports at her school, attending her brothers events and games, and loving me and the rest of her family.
I have met some amazing people this year. I have also met a lot of assholes. I'm gonna say it's about a 60/40 split. After coming out of hiding, I decided not to waste any time at all. So, if you fall into either category, you already know.
I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't mention my parenting achievements in 2014.
We had two very awesome campouts/parties at our pad. The first one had me singing at the top of my lungs and showing Lydia the value of karaoke skills, not to mention which alcohols not to mix. The second of such events I had a more practical approach and showed my darling daughter how NOT to smoke weed. I am quite sure I am in the running for parent of the year! Don't forget to vote!
Other awesome happenings this year: running out of gas twice, (slow learner i am), going on a date with a complete psycho that Lydia nearly shot, adopting a new wiener dog that hates me and loves the kid, adopting a cat that also hates me, Joshua Hibbard, getting and either quitting and or getting fired from 4 different jobs, and last but not least, discovering the deliciousness of a 7 Seas double IPA called Ballz Deep.
I hope this year kept you all well and happy. We are well, and we are happy, and we are not buying stamps and envelopes and mailing this letter. We have gone virtual.
So here is a virtual hug and kiss. Goodbye 2014--forever.
Casi and Lydia
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Welcome to our World: A few things....
Welcome to our World: A few things....: The past few weeks my brain has been in overdrive. Many hot topics on the table...and so I give you this missive in early December....to po...
A few things....
The past few weeks my brain has been in overdrive. Many hot topics on the table...and so I give you this missive in early December....to ponder...and enjoy.
While football season has me plagued with anxiety, and Nascar and baseball over, I find myself focusing on things that bring me stress, and or concern. Not that I don't always care about many things, it's just now, my distractions are limited.
If you are not aware of my stance, or the person that I am...let me introduce myself.
I DO NOT belong to any political pudding. I have 2-3 pounds of matter in my skull that I choose to lean on. Ye 'Ole brain is there for the taking...and I choose to use it. I use it independently, of my own free will.
Here is what I believe:
I believe in God, and I believe in Science. I support capital punishment and same sex marriage/relationships. I believe in a person's right to choose, man or woman. I believe in the justice system, and I believe in equality. I believe in a person's culture, and their right to participate in such. I practice common sense, and inexplicably follow my heart on occasion. I believe in intuition, and I believe humans, no matter the circumstance, deserve the gift of NOT being judged by others. Try to lump me into a category, I dare you. (Not quite the Crash Davis speech) lol
So that being said.....
Let's chat about Ferguson. ('merica)
Two things. Unless you were there, shut up! AND, unless you have served the public with a weapon on your hip, you do not get to have an opinion. Done. Not everything that happens in this world is about race. You would know this if you turned off the damned television. You are being led to slaughter by the media.
Personal accountability.
I am choosing NOT to throw statistical truths at you. I mostly don't rely on or believe in statistical data, but when numbers are the marker, statistics become truth. Math is a constant, period. Besides, it's all public information, and if you choose to look it up, take a gander at the crime numbers, and pay close attention to the race. You wanna make shit about race. Let's talk about prisons and violent crime. Now shut up.
Young black males aren't the only people in this world that are being stereotyped. What pops into your mind when a Native American has a drink in his or her hand. What might you be thinking when you see a fat girl eating at a buffet. Probably just shrug and smile politely when you see an Hispanic woman with 7 kids in tow. Maybe you don't bat an eye when you see an elderly person driving 40mph on the freeway. Hows about a young male from just outside of town with a confederate flag in the back window of his 4 wheel drive. It's all relative, and it's none of your fucking business.
The 2nd Amendment
I own guns...I carry weapons, and I believe in an Americans right to do so. Limiting access to them tramples on the constitution of this country. Most people are responsible gun owners. Criminals will always be criminals, and they will find a weapon no matter what law you put into effect. Where exactly are you going to draw the line on this issue? Maybe spend all that time and money on protecting citizens while strengthening law enforcement, and quit treating gun owners like criminals. Perhaps we are headed for a revolution, or perhaps we should bring back vigilantes. I don't know, but what I do know is this: Shitting on the constitution is wrong, and opening doors for political powerhouses to whittle the amendments away is democratic suicide.
Next time you are out in public, and see a representative of the armed forces in your presence. -- Kick them in the nuts. It's the same as voting these ridiculous laws into being. I can only imagine what someone that has been shot at oversees thinks of your disregard for our freedoms.
My next topic is passion.
I get the outpouring for young lives lost. I get the outcry for what some perceive as senseless murders. It's emotion. Passion for a cause. I got a great taste of this when I was a student at The Evergreen State College. And what I said then, I believe in still. You can piss and moan all you want. Shout obscenities at the government. Flip off the cops. Burn a flag. Meanwhile, the world keeps moving.
Emotion will never change laws. In fact, it's more for your release of angst than any sort of step in the right direction. This notion of one person making a difference starts with personal accountability and logic. Emotion and Logic don't dance in the same building.
I am a beacon of passion. It has plagued me for years. I am wildly misunderstood because of it. A few people in my life get it, but most think I'm a ticking time bomb. I admit, that I can be, Anyone can be. The difference is, once my fuse burns, I'm ready to sit down and logically and intelligently discuss solutions, rather than continue to tread water.
Which brings me to my last topic. Compromise
Nothing is ever going to change in this county, state, or country until people realize that they can't have it all their way. You hear a lot of people bullshitting about reaching across the aisle. Why should we expect elected officials to do it if we can't even do it ourselves? Conversations have to change. Instead of demanding change for what WE need, listen to what others need too, and find a compromise that both can live with.
I believe that things could change if we adopted this new way of thinking. But, as Americans, we are raised with a feeling of superiority and entitled assholes are breeding entitled assholes to make baby entitled assholes.
There is no one person in this world that deserves more than the next. Make personal accountability your mantra. It is ALL that you can do.
While football season has me plagued with anxiety, and Nascar and baseball over, I find myself focusing on things that bring me stress, and or concern. Not that I don't always care about many things, it's just now, my distractions are limited.
If you are not aware of my stance, or the person that I am...let me introduce myself.
I DO NOT belong to any political pudding. I have 2-3 pounds of matter in my skull that I choose to lean on. Ye 'Ole brain is there for the taking...and I choose to use it. I use it independently, of my own free will.
Here is what I believe:
I believe in God, and I believe in Science. I support capital punishment and same sex marriage/relationships. I believe in a person's right to choose, man or woman. I believe in the justice system, and I believe in equality. I believe in a person's culture, and their right to participate in such. I practice common sense, and inexplicably follow my heart on occasion. I believe in intuition, and I believe humans, no matter the circumstance, deserve the gift of NOT being judged by others. Try to lump me into a category, I dare you. (Not quite the Crash Davis speech) lol
So that being said.....
Let's chat about Ferguson. ('merica)
Two things. Unless you were there, shut up! AND, unless you have served the public with a weapon on your hip, you do not get to have an opinion. Done. Not everything that happens in this world is about race. You would know this if you turned off the damned television. You are being led to slaughter by the media.
Personal accountability.
I am choosing NOT to throw statistical truths at you. I mostly don't rely on or believe in statistical data, but when numbers are the marker, statistics become truth. Math is a constant, period. Besides, it's all public information, and if you choose to look it up, take a gander at the crime numbers, and pay close attention to the race. You wanna make shit about race. Let's talk about prisons and violent crime. Now shut up.
Young black males aren't the only people in this world that are being stereotyped. What pops into your mind when a Native American has a drink in his or her hand. What might you be thinking when you see a fat girl eating at a buffet. Probably just shrug and smile politely when you see an Hispanic woman with 7 kids in tow. Maybe you don't bat an eye when you see an elderly person driving 40mph on the freeway. Hows about a young male from just outside of town with a confederate flag in the back window of his 4 wheel drive. It's all relative, and it's none of your fucking business.
The 2nd Amendment
I own guns...I carry weapons, and I believe in an Americans right to do so. Limiting access to them tramples on the constitution of this country. Most people are responsible gun owners. Criminals will always be criminals, and they will find a weapon no matter what law you put into effect. Where exactly are you going to draw the line on this issue? Maybe spend all that time and money on protecting citizens while strengthening law enforcement, and quit treating gun owners like criminals. Perhaps we are headed for a revolution, or perhaps we should bring back vigilantes. I don't know, but what I do know is this: Shitting on the constitution is wrong, and opening doors for political powerhouses to whittle the amendments away is democratic suicide.
Next time you are out in public, and see a representative of the armed forces in your presence. -- Kick them in the nuts. It's the same as voting these ridiculous laws into being. I can only imagine what someone that has been shot at oversees thinks of your disregard for our freedoms.
My next topic is passion.
I get the outpouring for young lives lost. I get the outcry for what some perceive as senseless murders. It's emotion. Passion for a cause. I got a great taste of this when I was a student at The Evergreen State College. And what I said then, I believe in still. You can piss and moan all you want. Shout obscenities at the government. Flip off the cops. Burn a flag. Meanwhile, the world keeps moving.
Emotion will never change laws. In fact, it's more for your release of angst than any sort of step in the right direction. This notion of one person making a difference starts with personal accountability and logic. Emotion and Logic don't dance in the same building.
I am a beacon of passion. It has plagued me for years. I am wildly misunderstood because of it. A few people in my life get it, but most think I'm a ticking time bomb. I admit, that I can be, Anyone can be. The difference is, once my fuse burns, I'm ready to sit down and logically and intelligently discuss solutions, rather than continue to tread water.
Which brings me to my last topic. Compromise
Nothing is ever going to change in this county, state, or country until people realize that they can't have it all their way. You hear a lot of people bullshitting about reaching across the aisle. Why should we expect elected officials to do it if we can't even do it ourselves? Conversations have to change. Instead of demanding change for what WE need, listen to what others need too, and find a compromise that both can live with.
I believe that things could change if we adopted this new way of thinking. But, as Americans, we are raised with a feeling of superiority and entitled assholes are breeding entitled assholes to make baby entitled assholes.
There is no one person in this world that deserves more than the next. Make personal accountability your mantra. It is ALL that you can do.
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